Football is Family

INT. A COLORADO CABIN, THANKSGIVING DAY A family gathers around an ornate Thanksgiving feast. The matriarch sets the rolls on table and calls on her husband to turn off the game and come join everyone at the table. He clicks the remote, mumbling that the Lions weren't going to be a match

Your “Is It Too Early To Make Room For Seconds?” Thanksgiving Eve Open Thread As in life, a light menu this evening, in anticipation of the big feast tomorrow.   NFL News: Josh Gordon was officially back at Browns practice today. So, I guess we're no longer talking about 0-16? Driving even ardent Christians to pray for a meteor, Donald Trump & LaVar Ball continued their

The Dak Prescott School of Maturity: Chapter 3

INT. BANQUET HALL - DAY We open on an establishing shot of a gigantic dining hall.  Massive oak tables, chandeliers full of candles, and brightly coloured banners abound.  The hall is filled with students, most of whom are already sitting and chattering excitedly.  The camera tracks upward to an announcer's booth

Boots On The Ground: A Vacation Before The Camera Goes Up The Arse

So, on November 17th, I was supposed to undergo my second colonoscopy in two months. Because of a previous bout of kidney failure - involving a viral infection, 40 lost pounds, and organ function bad enough to be considered for a transplant - I have been on a five-year cycle of

49ers Bye Week: So Uninspiring You Probably Didn’t Notice We Weren’t Playing

What the fuck do I even say?  What even is there?  It’s not as if our team has just been beleaguered by injuries (*hands Beastmode a tissue for his tears) or some other catastrophic accident, our lackluster season has been the culmination of systemic and repetitive organizational ambivalence and ineptitude. 

Look Left, Look Right. You’re All Cut. The Colts Bye-Week. Why Did I Click This?

By now, you've read a great many of these bye week updates. All with an unique style and approach. Bravo and much praise to my colleagues for creating such mirth and merriment. I had intended to have some kind of off-kilter oddball opus of my own to contribute to the

Your “Maybe Look In The Mirror, St. Eligius” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

I guess I owe Pete & Blair a big 'Thank You'. Due to their individual field goaling abilities, it looks like I won't have to pay for Seahawks playoff tickets this season. Unless RAMMIT! somehow chokes away their one-game lead. (PLEASE, no Ron Howard voice.) NFL News: JuJu Smith-Schuster has a soft