Your “How Low Can Your Ratings Go?” Monday Night NFL Football Open Thread

There’s a chill in the air. Can you feel it? The hobos huddled close by the open fire sure can. There’s talk that it’s about time to head to the west coast. That means another three weeks of evading them darn switch yard bosses and the dogs that leave deep scars. Such is life on the rail. Wives, family members, kids-they’re all a distant memory. Just like you, they’ve moved on. Trusted friends? There are none out here-not when you could be shivved for a torn and patched and patched again winter coat. No, it’s every man for himself. A murmur rises ’round the fire. Someone’s got a pair of dice! Maybe tonight you could win a can of beans, or maybe even a night with Oral Lucy. Course, you could also lose your last pair of socks. Ah, what the hell, you only live once right? TO THE GAME!

Hou/Den-Your narrative is “Brocky Comes Backy” but it’s not as though he’s returning as a player that Denver (in retrospect) dearly wanted. Hell, the Broncs have their own guy (Paxton Lynch) that can match TD’s with intercepts and they’re not playing him. The most depressing stat related to the Texans qb that I’ve seen is that he’s 4-10 on throws over 11(!) yards. It’s not the 40% completion rate that gets me-it’s the fact that over the course of six games he’s ‘let ‘er fly’ less than twice a game. That’s boring-as-hell, god-awful, ratings-draining, 3 yards-and-cloud-of-dust bullshit football right there in a short throw/nutshell. Houston is a running team though and despite playing against stacked lines rb Miller is doing okay with a 4.2 ypc average and 631 combined yards. Look for him to get short passes (ya think?) outside the tackles and try to break something. The Broncs will also rely on their guy-rb Anderson-to get the running game going against the 29th-ranked D in that category. Migraine-conqueror and HC Kubiak returns to the sideline and has indicated that rook rb Booker might have a ‘special package’ for the Texans. Houston has been crushed by superior teams (Vikes, Pats) and I expect the same here.

Thar ye be! LET’S DO THIS THING!

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Unsurprised

Good night

Brocky

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Mr. Ayo

Seems like hyperbole. Really an average night in the pantheon of nights.

Brocky

I got way too many horror-esque gifs to get through, so here you go:

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Unsurprised

MORE!

Brocky

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Brocky

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Unsurprised

I’m still here.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

I’m not

Unsurprised

These people are too stupid to mock

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Brocky

I stole a roll of obama paper from my friend. said I was putting it on a shrine.

normally petty theft is discouraged, but I made a special exception

Unsurprised

I’d love to troll them with the idea that Obama TP is always watching

Trevor Semen

The Trump in the logo looks more like Max Stirner than a giant orange clown.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

I thought Daniel Tosh was a Dolfan

JerBear50

Cleveland : quarterbacks :: Spinal Tap : drummers

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

@ANDREWTI Budget Westworld: a room with an Xbox with Red Dead Redemption and a stack of Hustler mags. Honestly, it's fine.— Andrew Ti (@ANDREWTI) October 24, 2016

Unsurprised

I think I finished 3 cups thanks to steamed veggies. But now I’m going to die.

Mr. Ayo

50% is unacceptable around here

Fronkenshteen

Hey, if Make It Snow is around, we just put not one, but two Green Flash beers on tap here at the restaurant. I’ll just read the tap handles:
1) Soul Style IPA/Simcoe Citra Cascade

B)Sea to Sea Lager / Hallertau & Saaz Hops

Friggin’ delicioso

Unsurprised

I need to work in a bar. I should’ve finished that application to work at a bottle shop.

Oh well. I’ll just find another way to be more drink like normal lawyers.

King Hippo

An incredibly cool-ass Commentist who does NAWT comment enough recommended this and it’s been in my ear all day:

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Was it me?

/definitely wasn’t me

Senor Weaselo

Evening. What’d I miss?

Unsurprised
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
King Hippo

This is a nice gentle passout song…in case anybody is looking for such

/this gal prolly doesn’t play FOAR my softball team either, but….xoxo

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What? No, YOU’RE disgusting for eating last night’s leftover carrot cake with your bare hands

Unsurprised

Put what’s left in a bowl with some milk and make carrot cake stew.

makeitsnowondem

No way, he’s gonna need that milk later for milksteak.

King Hippo

how much cheese is too much??

JerBear50

Depends on the flavor of the jellybeans.

King Hippo

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s good hustle.

makeitsnowondem

Deschutes Fresh Squeezed IPA been real good to me tonight.

King Hippo

3 v-profen and 3 Dale’s Pale Ale has been SWEET SPOT FOAR me. Might not even hang over.