[2:33 am, Interior, Bedroom]

The telephone rings, interrupting tWBS’s masturb…..errrrrr, waking him up.

tWBS:  Hello?

Man on Phone:  It’s time.

tWBS:  Time for what?  Dude I was just in the middle of masturb…..errrrrr, sleeping.

Man on Phone:  Just pack a bag and get out here.  It’s time.

tWBS:  Time for wh….

CLICK

tWBS:  Dammit

–

Three Days later, tWBS sits in a parking lot inside his truck.  He’s just finished driving 2500 miles.  He’s tired, he’s hungry, he’s cranky.  And he needs to pee.

He dials the phone.

Man on Phone:  Hello?

tWBS:  It’s me, I’m here.

Man on Phone:  Sit tight.  I’ll be right out.

tWBS:  Wait….I’ve just finished driving 2500 miles.  I’m tired, I’m hungry and I’m cranky.  And I need to pee.

Man on Phone:  Sit tight.  I’ll be right out.

CLICK

tWBS:  Dammit.

–

Ten minutes later….

[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

The lovely and talented ballsofsteelandfury climbs into the passenger seat and closes the door.   He has a stern and serious look on his face.  He’s holding an old tattered paper shopping bag.  He stares forward blankly for a few moments, without speaking.  Finally, tWBS breaks the silence….sort of….

tWBS:  So, are we going to Disneyland?

balls turns to look at tWBS, not even trying to hide the look of contempt on his face.

balls:  da Fuq is your problem, dude?

tWBS:  What?

balls:  Just shut up, this is serious.  So this is your truck, huh?

tWBS:  His name is Dave.  Be nice.

balls:  You name your vehicles?

tWBS:  Do you not?

balls:  Dave?

tWBS:  Hey look…I just drove across the country because YOU told me to.  I drove MY truck because you’re too goddamned cheap to go halfsies on a rental.  I don’t wanna hear it.  And I’ll tell you one thing…you’re gonna split gas with me.

balls:  No, I’m not.

tWBS:  Well….you’re gonna buy lunch then.

balls:  No, I’m not.

tWBS:  Snacks and sodas?

balls:  Nope.

tWBS:  *sigh*  Fine….so what’s with the bag?

balls:  It’s my luggage.  Don’t worry about it.

tWBS:  Your luggage…

balls:  Yep.  Now shut up and drive.

tWBS:  Where?

balls reaches into his paper luggage and pulls out a picture.  He hands it to tWBS….

tWBS: WHOA!!!!!  DUDE!?!?!?!?!?!?!

balls:  Hehehehehe, sorry.  Wrong picture.  She’s hot tho, right?

tWBS:  Yeah, she’s hot.  Who is she?

balls:  Hell if I know.  OK, here…..

balls hands tWBS another photo.  This one is older, faded, blurry.  tWBS is wary of looking this time, but finally does….

tWBS:  OK…and?

balls:  DUDE!!!!  That’s her!!!

tWBS:  That’s who?

balls shakes his head in disgust.

balls:  Sometimes you really piss me off.

tWBS:  I piss YOU off????  I told you I’m tired, hungry and cranky.  And I still have to piss.  Just let me go inside for a sec and then….

balls:  DRIVE.

tWBS:  Dammit.  Drive WHERE?????

balls:  Just stay in the yellow.

balls reaches into his paper luggage once again and this time, produces a map.

tWBS:  Are you shitting me?

balls:  No.

tWBS:  So she is….

balls:  Yes.

tWBS:  And we’re….

balls:  Yes

tWBS:  Where?

balls:  Somewhere in the yellow.

tWBS:  Somewhere in the yellow….

balls:  Yup.

tWBS:  Dammit.

balls:  Yup.

tWBS:  We ARE splitting gas.

balls:  No, we’re not.  Now drive.

tWBS:  Can we at least go to Disneyland afterwards?

balls:  No.  Well, maybe.  Let’s do this thing first then we’ll see.

tWBS:  You’re lying, aren’t you?

balls:  Yes.

tWBS:  Dammit

tWBS puts the truck in gear and rolls slowly out of the parking lot.  He’s still tired, hungry and cranky.  He still has to pee.

balls holds his paper luggage very close as tWBS merges out onto the highway.

To be continued…..

–