Your “I Want Football And Boobs-Not Necessarily In That Order” Friday Night Open Thread

Aren’t breasts of all kinds completely amazing in every way? Let me tell you about my latest experience that occurred just hours ago. I was at the grocery store and I was completely blown away by a perfect set. They were sticking out like a sore thumb at the deli counter. Needless to say, I bought that wondrous pair as soon as I got to the front of the line. They’re cooling in the fridge right now and I can’t wait to smother them in mayo, pepper and top them with lettuce and cheese. Uh, where was I? Oh yeah.

Jets/Redacteds-Nate Sudfeld, all 6’6″, 235 lbs. of him, was a scintillating 10/15 for 89 yds. last week. Scouts just lurv the hell out of these big body types. “He’s got the height to see over the line, the frame to withstand punishment, half-decent mobility and a cannon for an arm!” [Coaching staff gives him a script of plays that don’t involve any throws over 5 yards] “But, uh, but…the defence has to THINK that he might go long AT ANY TIME!” This is your NFL at the moment, folks.

Jets 2nd round qb pick Christian Hackenburg didn’t see any action at all last week. I guess when you’ve got a logjam of mediocrity at the position you don’t want to…expose the heir apparent to playing time? I’m just riffing here. There’s a position battle going on at the te spot. Jace Amaro and Kellen Davis won’t be deciding it on ability, that’s for sure. Maybe a chicken wing-eating contest? “Hey Jace, there’s too much meat left on that drumstick, that one doesn’t count!”

Fins/’Boys-DAK! Prescott’s light might shine a wee bit less due to a certain starting qb’s first appearance in the preseason. Chants of “Romo, Romo-how fat art thou?” will not be ringing through the upper levels of AT&T Stadium, not because it’s a home game but because Cowboys fans aren’t literate. First round rb Elliot is a no-show tonight because his slight hamstringy thingy is being baby-ed by training staff. [makes note to read Ezekiel chapter of bible in order to make more salient references]

Arian Foster will make a small debut for Miami tonight. Ill-informed dudebros everywhere will make references to his veganism but partially-informed open thread-makers like myself will make light of the fact that he is a yoga practitioner. Here goes…”All the women in Arian’s hot yoga class think that he’s a poser”.

Ari/S.D.-In non-sequitur news, David Johnson won me my auction league last year. In further non-sequitur news, I like Bruce Arians’ head gear. That’s about all I have for the Cards this week.

If Melvin and Gordon put it together this year, being offensive won’t be a problem for the Chargers this year. In a perfect, injury-free scenario, I can picture Marmalard tearing through defences the same way that Sarah, Gunner, Halle, Grace, Rebecca, Caroline and Peter have torn through Tiffany’s vagina.*

*Alanis Morissette thinks that comment is ironic

 

 

 

 

 

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Sill BimmonsMoose -The End Is Well NighMarc Trestmans Windowless VantheeWeeBabySeamusWCS Recent comment authors
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I missed a night where WCS and Zymm were around because I passed out early. Damnit, that right there is the only reason I would ever consider quitting drinking.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Whoever originally came up with the bullshit idea that taking a shot in the morning would fix your hangover is a liar. You just get slightly redrunk. I did make waffles and those will probably actually help.

WCS

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I just got home from work. And lo and behold I find this waiting for me.
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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Earlier this evening I was in a bar in West Los Angeles, drinking responsibly and watching football. I think I got roofied. I’m currently working in a Mexican coal mine and I got no idea how the fuck I got here. Hold on, the foreman is coming, I gotta go. We’re supposed to move 20 tons of ore on our shift. I think we can do it. Please call the State Department.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I didn’t realize Brick was Australian.

http://theinfosphere.org/images/7/71/Australian_Guy.jpg

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

The only thing the State Department can or will do is send its condolences to your family.

You need The A-Team.

WCS

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Kids are fuckin’ cheaters, man. All they do is bitch, bitch, bitch, and then they look at you all cute and shit, and you can’t help yourself.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

You know that saying, “baby with the bathwater?”

It’s a survival skill.

laserguru

That’s a damn good looking kid there WCS!

theeWeeBabySeamus

She gets cuter everyday man.
THAT’S GREAT HUST…
/yelled at by WCS to shut up and not wake the baby

*that’s great hustle*

laserguru

I don’t even come close to making biscuits!

Don T

Everyone says “If you got a problem with me, say it to my face”. If that happened routinely, life expectancy would be 47.

WCS

I think your O/U is over by at least 20 years.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I think that’s the reason why you don’t hear it much anymore…

laserguru

Yeah I could take a bitch ass 30 year old with a quickness.

This can’t be used in a court of law can it?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

During the Chargers game tonight, it was explained to me that the ballot measure to build a new stadium was called “Ballot measure C, because, C, obviously, Chargers.”

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-pUokiTkuRH0/VFE9Rm0i0WI/AAAAAAAAgP4/XsZ55EfvT08/s1600/doooom.gif

WCS

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I can think of a few more choice words that begin with C and describe Stan Kroenke and the whole degenerate lot.

laserguru

Oh yes.
Help me somebody!

Doktor Zymm

Past my bedtime. Won’t be around again until Tuesday, if then. I learned a new curse today! “May a fire in your stomach boil your brains!”

laserguru

See you soon Dok.

Doktor Zymm

FUCK! I never thought I would say this, but I need to check Facebook more frequently. I just missed my favorite bartender’s last night before he moves to NOLA.

laserguru

This gives you a perfect reason to visit. I’ve got food and lodging suggestions.

It’s easily one of my top 5 towns ever.

Hit me up YO!

Doktor Zymm

Cheers to that. I haven’t been since pre-Katrina, and even that was only a 2 day visit. Needs to be a trip.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised
Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Smoke Dope You People Smart Enough To Stop Drinking Alcohol:

http://www.growweedeasy.com/sites/growweedeasy.com/files/purple-green-cannabis-bud.jpg

laserguru

This song features an actual exorcism. David Byrne and Brian Eno did the leg work.

Some incredible rhythms.

Out Jezebel Out!

laserguru

Did I “like” this yet?

laserguru

You had me at “smoke dope”.

I’ll be right back.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Doktor Zymm

Man, I get horribly sick and don’t drink for a week and now it’s really slow going through a bottle of wine. I can’t leave the rest in the fridge though, I’m flying out of town tomorrow. Although, I could just drink it right before a leave for the airport….

laserguru

What’s in the bottle Dok?

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Moths.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Doktor Zymm

Just a basic Pinot Grigio. It’s a favorite summer wine for me. Super light.

Doktor Zymm

Also doesn’t suffer too much if you overchill it, which let’s face it, we all want to do sometimes when it’s hot as dogbum out.

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

The summer flu is the WORST.

laserguru

Honestly? I’m a big fan of the pinot grigio. I like the Italian version. Big fan of Da Vinci.

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Brocky

Magical moment #1: Realizing the local bar has wwe themes on the jukebox.

Magical moment #2: Playing the undertaker’s theme and watching people react to it.

Magical moment #3: everyone in the bar starts playing wwe themes. The Rock, Stone Cold, Triple HHH, Hogan. Then cult of personality (Cm Punk)

You can check the names on touchtunes, so we know it wasn’t the same people, it was awesome

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

laserguru

I’m thinking about making biscuits.

You won’t like me when I’m making biscuits.

This is how inspiration happens!

You are part of the magic!

Goddamn biscuits again.

http://www.cookingmaniac.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/buttermilk-biscuit-1.jpg

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

And gravy?

laserguru

DAMN SKIPPY!

laserguru

Just not this week.

Sorry for yanking your chain.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

No worries. I’ve already been inspired for tomorrow’s breakfast.

laserguru

Home fries Son.

I’m going to cover home fries.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh you dirty bastard, you.
Translation: Yum.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Oooh. Just had that a couple weeks ago at the original pancake house in Seattle. Yummy!

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons
Doktor Zymm

Biscuits are the reason the North didn’t let the South secede.

theeWeeBabySeamus

We’re still leaving. But our flight’s been delayed.

Senor Weaselo

Well I just saw a Ben Hur commercial with the Ryan brothers, so I guess we’re done here.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo
Doktor Zymm

Learning mounted archery really needs to be my vacation one of these days. Love both activities, would feel like a total badass putting them together.
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ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

erp…dammit…

Doktor Zymm

Yeah, no helpful tips, this one is just neat.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Like you said; safety is very important.

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Doktor Zymm

Overall, archery is a fun and healthful activity with which you can develop totally sexy shoulders. It also promotes focus and can be used as a form of meditation. It’s also totally legal to carry without a license (may vary, depending on type of bow and state)
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Doktor Zymm

Crap, you’re right. I didn’t post anything about which way the arrow should face….

theeWeeBabySeamus
Doktor Zymm

I only got a couple more, bear with me here.
Safety is important. An arm guard will protect your forearm from the snapping bowstring. Avoid loose clothing that could get tangled in your shot.
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ALXMAC
ALXMAC

theeWeeBabySeamus

Can’t help but notice you aren’t posting of fat archers.
Not a judgement…you go girl.

Doktor Zymm

There aren’t that many fat archers! Or at least, there aren’t that many fat archers with shirtless pictures on the internet.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m thinking archery and sweaty ass man boobs don’t mix. The bow hunters I’ve met who walk quietly in the woods are not your tubby type.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

Getting a lot of use out of that one tonight.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Doktor Zymm

On the really heavy draw bows, you build up so much upper body muscle with regular practice that it’s gonna be hard to be really stout. It’s proper work if you’re going authentic.

theeWeeBabySeamus

How did I miss the flip to Archery?

litre_cola

Looked like it was going to sad archery for awhile

litre_cola

I see you workin Zymm

Doktor Zymm

It’s important to remember you’re aiming in three dimensions. It’s easy to get caught up in aiming side to side, and forget about up and down. Consider the distance you are shooting from!
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3XClaxe77XY/TuJx4n8VZUI/AAAAAAAAN9A/2FzgpXqAYIs/s1600/Targ03c.jpg

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons
Doktor Zymm

Note the matching angles of fire, pitched fairly low!

Doktor Zymm

Modern bows are complex, and contain simple machines such as pulleys to give the effect of a much higher draw weight than you actually need to exert to draw and fire. Would have been a game changer at Agincourt.
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Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Doktor Zymm

If you’re having trouble aiming, try lowering your center of gravity. Kneeling will also help stabilize your core, while still allowing you enough clearance to angle your bow.
http://thumbs2.ebaystatic.com/d/l225/m/m0xZG2FAkG6b2kybnEOlIlA.jpg

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

laserguru

The wind stopped a bit this evening and we have a fine layer of ash to welcome us home.

Doktor Zymm

You have to draw the bowstring all the way back, with a steady front arm. With the front arm straight, the core muscles also support some of the extreme force contained in a fully drawn longbow.
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laserguru

I could never not scrape the shit out of my bow holding forearm.

I’m not disabled am I?

Doktor Zymm

That’s what the stylish leather cuff is for!

Doktor Zymm
ALXMAC
ALXMAC

WCS

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Doktor Zymm

Horrible long bow form

litre_cola

That is why he missed.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

My best friend in the whole universe and you have had your magnificent progeny within months of one another.

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