Welcome New Users… AKA “What Were You Thinking Joining Up Here?”

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

An unapologetic, even if often manic-depressive (it’s a requirement given his choices of sports teams), fan of NC State University, the Baltimore Ravens and the Baltimore Orioles.When not parked in front of the computer and/or TV, can often be found on the golf course shouting obscenities to no one in particular.
theeWeeBabySeamus

A young man hesitantly ventures up a dilapidated and creaky set of stairs, and approaches the front door of an equally dilapidated house in the middle of nowhere.  As he gets closer, he can hear the sounds of raucous laughter and music inside.  He takes out a small piece of paper from his pocket, double checks the address, takes a deep breath and knocks.  The sounds inside suddenly stop and silence ensues.  After a moment he hears the sounds of a series of deadbolts being disengaged…

After another moment…

[Door Flies Open]

tWBS sticks his head out and speaks.

tWBS:  Hey there.  How ya doin’?  Wanna come in?

New Guy:  Well I’m not sure if…

tWBS grabs the New Guy by the shirt collar and yanks him inside, then relocks the door.

The New Guy stands there dumbfounded for a moment and then he begins to look around the room.  He notices that the only sounds in the room now are the multiple TeeVee boxes on the walls, each tuned to a different sporting event.  But no one is watching them because all eyes are on the New Guy.

New Guy:  I’m not sure I’m in the right place…

tWBS:  So what makes you think you’re [DFO] material?

New Guy:  …because this place is a real shithole.

DFO Clubhouse (artist’s conception)

 

tWBS turns to look at the silent crowd behind him, when he turns back to the New Guy

…while behind him…

tWBS (still giggling):  Not bad…not bad.  Let’s get you a drink and talk some.

The party resumes as tWBS leads the New Guy to the bar.

Hello new user(s).  Please forgive me indulging myself a little bit of fiction above.  That’ll happen from time to time.

Because [Door Flies Open] is, at its core, a sports blog with particular emphasis toward the NFL during the season, we see many new users find us during this time of the year.  We always love having new folks join in on the madness.  So….Welcome!!!!!!!

Sorry, sometimes I have issues with personal boundaries…but I mean well.

 

And you’re not totally wrong about the current look of the place.  Things around here are currently in transition, and some features might be unfamiliar to you.  Others may change or disappear at times.  Be patient, it will be worth it.

I’m going to try to cover a few little basics, but if there’s anything I miss, always feel free to ask in the comments.  We really won’t bite.  Unless you’re a lovely lady and want us to.  Then just tell us how hard.

Like I said…me and boundaries, etc. etc.  This is not news.  Let’s move on.

First, Some Guidelines For Posting

Our little family here are all good people, and have very good senses of humor.  That being said, we’re by no means PC around here, and sarcasm rules the day more often than not.

We all root for different teams (and different sports), and we regularly give each other loads of shit about it.  In fact it’s even encouraged to do so.  We like laughing at other people’s expense, even our own.  So have at it.

We never want to stifle anyone’s voice by deleting or editing comments.  We want you to say what you want to say, when you want to say it, and how you want to say it.  As long as it doesn’t become a situation where specific other commenters are being targeted/harassed personally, or it becomes problematic regarding language.  And don’t get me wrong, profanity is allowed (often encouraged).

But slurs thrown in malice/anger, especially directed at other users are not.  That’s a big no no.

And sometimes sarcasm doesn’t come thru in typed text.  So please keep that in mind.  A vast majority of the time, that will be the case.

We don’t have a lot of rules around here, and we’d like to keep it that way.  Mutual respect among members of the community goes a long way toward that end.  We really are a family here, so we can pretty much get away with saying anything to one another in jest.

Now you’re a member of the family too.  Ya poor bastard.

A Feature You Might Like

Behold a comment from the lovely and talented King Hippo (he’s a great guy btw, in spite of putting on the sullen bastard act)…

Not only does it capture the kind of humor we really like around here, but it illustrates a feature I wanted to bring your attention.  The bottom left of any comment has the little Thumbs Up/Thumbs down thingy.  The green thumbs up means I’ve liked this comment.  The middle number is the number of folks who have liked a comment.  And if you hover your cursor over the number, a little box type thingy opens showing you who has liked any given comment, including yours.  People seem to like this.  Enjoy it.

Posting Music Videos and/or Images

Posting youtube vids is simple.  Don’t mess with embed codes, they won’t work.  Just copy the raw https addy up there in your browser’s addy box as I’ve highlighted here…

…then paste it into your comment box, then hit the “Post Comment” button to post your song.  The embedded video won’t show up until you refresh the page.  But when you refresh, you’ll get this…

One more thing about posting youtube vids…if you have commentary you’d like to say about the vid, it needs to go before the youtube addy, or it won’t embed.

Images are a little more complicated.  The address to the image file must begin with https…the “s” is very important.  Without the “s” (if it’s http with no “s”), the image won’t embed into your comment…tho the addy will be visible and can still be clicked and followed.  Also, it’s been pointed out to me that if one searches images with the word “wordpress” included in the search string, it’s easier to find the “s”.  That Rikki-Tikki-Deadly is smrt, because he was right.  Also Giphy.com is a good source for the “s”.

Have I said “s” enough yet?

(https)

The images addresses also must end with .jpg, .png, or .gif.  The extension also must be all lower case (ie .JPG won’t work) for the image to embed in your comment.

If you cannot find the image you are looking for with the proper string, you would be encouraged to copy the link or save the image and upload it to PostImages.org for quick and easy use.

Damned Rules, We Hate ’em But We Have Some

We post a lot of suggestive photos around here, but we do have some rules about image posting.  As I said, we don’t like rules around here, but here we kinda gotta…

Exposed genitalia is not permitted.

Overly graphic sex acts are not permitted.

Female nipples are frowned upon, but some leeway is granted if mostly obscured by clothing.

If you feel the need to “link” a NSFW image, please do it as follows…

Initial link….

https://www.youreatotalperv.kom/youre_all_going_to_hell.jpg

Can be changed to…

h

ttps://www.youreatotalperv.kom/youre_all_going_to_hell.jpg

ie, split the “h” off with a simple hit of the enter key before posting.  It won’t embed and anyone interested can follow it if they’d care to.  Also, do please mark it as “NSFW” so there’s no mistake.

So What Else?

Hell I dunno.  Just use good sense, be funny and inappropriate (we like that), and respect others.  It’s not difficult around here.  But it is sometimes very weird.

But in a good way…

(shut up guys, you’re gonna scare him off)

In all sincerity, welcome to [DFO].  We’re happy to have you.  Feel free to ask anyone anything.  Well, almost anything (shut up Low Commander…I was drunk and you were asking for it).

 

Just kidding.

Now jump in there in the comments and talk to us…

If you’re a little more the shy type, but still have a question, feel free to drop me a line.

twbs@doorfliesopen.com

If I don’t know the answer I’ll find someone who does.

But please…no questions about “butt stuff”.

/ballsofsteelandfury deletes unsent email

theeWeeBabySeamus
theeWeeBabySeamus
An unapologetic, even if often manic-depressive (it's a requirement given his choices of sports teams), fan of NC State University, the Baltimore Ravens and the Baltimore Orioles. When not parked in front of the computer and/or TV, can often be found on the golf course shouting obscenities to no one in particular.

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Cuntler
Member

We can still say “Cunt”, though, right?

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

Slurs are unacceptable. However, implied pejoratives about certain quarterbacks in the north country is highly encouraged. Coded language is fun, right fellow white guys? HI FIVE!

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

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Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

You didn’t mention that anyone posting here becomes fair game for HRTN.

Also, the nudity thing is really more of a guideli-

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Ah, fuck it.

BaldingSpiritually
Member
BaldingSpiritually

Long time reader who stumbled upon here and assumed you’re a bunch of decent chaps.

Fan of Texas Rangers, Carolina Hurricanes and former Cowboys fan because I want my disappointing teams to wear red. And because I don’t have a spine I’m stuck watching dance moms. How the hell is everyone else doing!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

And because I don’t have a spine…

[debates whether to make a Paul Ryan joke or a Tony Romo joke…]

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

assumed you’re a bunch of decent chaps.

We’ll go ahead and fix that assumption straight away.

Wakezilla
Member

The Ice Panthers? Jesus, you’re a real masochist.

You’re watching dance moms? How’s the food at the strip club you’re at?

I’m fine, thanks for asking. Welcome!

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Welcome! Sorry it took a while for your comment to show up. For some reason, it went into moderation. The machine does weird things sometimes. So, if you are a “former” Cowboys fan that likes teams that wear red, should I assume Arizona Cardinals?

Also, are these “dance moms” milfy? Asking for a friend.

BaldingSpiritually
Member
BaldingSpiritually

No worries, wife is from Phoenix so she’s the Cardinals fan. I got stuck living in Louisiana that was such a hellhole that Dallas was a paradise. Short story about me – I’m that asshole who deserves to be a Cowboys fan for the rest of my life as punishment for being said-asshole during the good times of the 90s. So even though I live in a coastal NC town with awesome people I will never know happiness, instead like everyone else I’ll feel the suffering every damn time Elliott does that feed me motion, never to be rid of the curse until Jerry takes a dirt nap and the bomb located under Jerry World goes off because his pulse has gone below 50.

The one who screamed really loud did look kinda hot, but definitely not wife material otherwise you’ll have to make hard choices like do I sit here and watch Dance moms or hold my own and risk dealing with said-yelling for the reward of watching Rangers/Braves. Since I chose the former I decided to exert my energy by telling dick jokes with you guys, which is how I’m assuming the idea for this site came to be.

Duchess
Member

I got stuck living in Louisiana that was such a hellhole that Dallas was a paradise.

ok I got this:
Shreveport?
New Orleans?
Baton Rouge?
Monroe?
Lake Charles?
All of Louisinanna?

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Pretty much. Dick jokes keep us sane.

Also, they’re NEVER wife material…

Bogdanski
Member
Bogdanski

Alright, I’ll go. I finally registered back at the old site (under this name) after years of reading that one. Then the shit hit the fan about a month later and I started following this one right away and even created this account way back before the dfo name was even settled but never commented until just a few weeks ago (the lombardi 1967 post). Anyways, i’m a fat, drunk cheesehead originally from Milwaukee that’s been in cali for 17 years. Bay area for 6, San Diego for the past 11 (i’m a superstar at the beach). It feels good to finally formally say hello to all you crazy folks. yes, i’m currently drunk. hopefully I’ll participate more but i am a stay at home dad with a 3.3 year old and a 1.8 year old. i also drink a lot. Thanks for setting this whole thing up and keeping the old spirit going.

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

i’m a fat, drunk cheesehead originally from Milwaukee

Bit redundant.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Welcome!
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yeah right
Member

Damn glad to have you! We have a rather strong contingent of So-Cal DFO-ers so you are in good company.

litre_cola
Member

Come one come all and do not forget to use the Queens english!

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

Mm ba ba de
Um bum ba de
Um bu bu bum da de
Pressure pushing down on me

Like that?

Senor Weaselo
Member

*Puts on Timbs* Dead ass? Dead ass, my dude.
/Oh, you meant British/Canadian

blaxabbath
Member

“But slurs thrown in malice/anger…”

Always throw slurs in honor/respect.

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

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NATO Pats Fan
Member
NATO Pats Fan

Tests out new superpowers.

litre_cola
Member

Ok, I thought we weren’t expanding to Pats territory.

Jerry Was A Shogun Named Marcus
Member

Goddamnit.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Shit, we gave a Pats fan superpowers

NATO Pats Fan
Member
NATO Pats Fan

It works!

/feels like one of the original Elites

Game Time Decision
Member
Game Time Decision

Hi everybody
/waves

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Hi GTD!
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Game Time Decision
Member
Game Time Decision

jebus that’s wrong, scary and creapy

Horatio Cornblower
Member

Get used to it newbie.

And that grease trap ain’t gonna clean itself…

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Well said. And don’t mind the smell…

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

This is totally not a metaphor.

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LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Don’t sweat the DFO Initiation.
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Wait, wrong gif:
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

A bunch of guys in a parking lot…red fluid getting sprayed all over the place…if you could combine these two gifs you’d have a re-enactment of Ray Lewis’ Super Bowl afterparty.

Clifton Morehead III
Active Member
Clifton Morehead III

Eric Stratton, Rush Chairman, damn glad to meet ya.

Duchess
Member

Hi, that was Eric Stratton, Rush Chairman, he was damn glad to meet ya.

Spanky Datass
Member
Spanky Datass

Hi there. Doug Neidermeyer, Omega Membership Chairman.
[DOOR FLIES SHUT]

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

A PLEDGE PIN?!

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

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