The one good thing about the Patriots opening the season on Thursday is that there’s no Patriots game on Sunday. Oh sure, the pre-game shows can’t help themselves, and after the GAME MANAGING they took Thursday night it’ll be quite enjoyable, but thank heaven for tender mercies.
Courtesy those hard-working maniacs at 506sports, here are tomorrow’s broadcast maps for game coverage:
CBS SINGLE
█ Anchorage AK | █ Fairbanks AK
█ Honolulu HI
| █ | Oakland @ Tennessee | Jim Nantz, Tony Romo |
| █ | Pittsburgh @ Cleveland | Greg Gumbel, Trent Green |
| █ | NY Jets @ Buffalo | Kevin Harlan, Rich Gannon |
| █ | Baltimore @ Cincinnati | Spero Dedes, Adam Archuleta |
| █ | Jacksonville @ Houston | Andrew Catalon, James Lofton |
| █ | Indianapolis @ LA Rams (LATE) | Ian Eagle, Dan Fouts |
UPDATES:
- Miami FL: IND-LAR to BUF-NYJ
- Tampa FL: IND-LAR to PIT-CLE
- San Diego and Palm Springs CA: OAK-TN to IND-LAR
- Mobile AL: PIT-CLE to JAX-HOU
It looks like CBS gets the shit end of the stick opening weekend. Unless you are a fan of one of those teams, it looks like there isn’t an appealing game in the bunch. The highlight looks like Oakland at Tennessee, as we will bear witness to the Emmy Award era of the Tony Romo show on CBS.
FOX EARLY
█ Anchorage AK | █ Fairbanks AK
█ Honolulu HI
| █ | Atlanta @ Chicago | Kevin Burkhardt, Charles Davis |
| █ | Philadelphia @ Washington | Kenny Albert, Ronde Barber |
| █ | Arizona @ Detroit | Chris Myers, Daryl Johnston |
| █ | NO GAME due to local team at home on CBS | |
UPDATES:
- all Florida: TB-MIA to ATL-CHI (TB-MIA rescheduled for week 11)
- Memphis TN: PHI-WSH to ATL-CHI
- Wichita KS; Fargo and Bismarck ND: ATL-CHI to PHI-WSH
- Chico CA: PHI-WSH to AZ-DET
Whoops! Maybe I spoke too soon. Philadelphia at Washington is the early ‘marquee’ matchup on FOX, but that’s only because no right-thinking person should ever consider watching the Falcons again, and I don’t want to watch Carson Palmer lead Fitty over the middle to his eventual doom.
FOX LATE
█ Anchorage AK | █ Fairbanks AK
█ Honolulu HI
| █ | Seattle @ Green Bay | Joe Buck, Troy Aikman |
| █ | Carolina @ San Francisco | Thom Brennaman, Chris Spielman |
UPDATES:
- Bakersfield, Santa Barbara and Chico CA: SEA-GB to CAR-SF
Oh yeah, now we’re cooking with gas.
Poor Chico getting cockblocked out of both PHI-WSH & SEA-GB. It’s probably Aaron Rodgers taking more shots at his parents for supporting Jordan.
And for you poor bastards sentenced to blackouts or shitty games, DFO is here to remind you that Directv is doing a free preview of RedZone this weekend. Take advantage of the gifts you find.
Tonight’s sports: College football is back with a vengeance.
- CFL:
- Calgary at Edmonton – 9:00PM | TSN
- NCAA:
- Auburn at Clemson – 7:00PM | ESPN
- South Carolina at Missouri – 7:00PM | ESPN2
- Oklahoma at Ohio State – 7:30PM | ABC
- Georgia at Notre Dame – 7:30PM | NBC
- Stanford at Southern California – 8:30PM | FOX
- Minnesota at Oregon State – 10:00PM | FS1
- Utah at BYU – 10:15PM | ESPN2
- Boise State at Washington State – 10:30PM | ESPN
- NASCAR:
- Federated Auto Parts 400 – 7:30PM | NBCSN / TSN4
- UFC:
- UFC 215 Prelims – 8:00PM | FS1 / TSN2
- MLS:
- Whitecaps FC vs. Real Salt Lake – 10:00PM | TSN2
Rest up my lovelies, FOR TOMORROW WE DINE!
Fashion is weird. The thong on the first one is nice, though.
Whatever drugs the fashion designers are taking… I want some!
oh the dick self-shootery
AAAAAARRRRGGGHHHHH ME MATIES
— Mike Leach
Boise sure knows how to shoot itself in the dick
The play-by-play guy for the Boise St game went to the Joe Buck Announcing Summer Camp
Khalil Tate trucks a DB; I sometimes wish UA football wasn’t power 5 because, nationally relevant or not, they always fun teams to watch play.
2nd and 30? NFL BLITZ!
I just want to point out that over 128,000 people watched live football at the Rose Bowl and the Coliseum on the same day.
Keep that in mind tomorrow…
Go fuck yourself, Roger Goodell!
Speaking of the Clippers and Ramit, holy shit, the media really needs to chill with all the air time they’re giving both teams. They do know they’re shit, right?
The teams are bribing the media to give them coverage. As soon as the media realizes no one here gives a shit, they’ll move on.
It’ll go away when they start costing the media money because no one cares.
“Bribe the media for coverage? More like get millions in free coverage from dipshits too dense to see the longterm damage to their #brand that was, basically, spending 2016 utterly failing at their jobs.”
–
/kills self
Fuck yes.
I actually looked up tickets to see the Chargers vs Bills; I picked that game because I figured it would be the cheapest. Not only were most of the seats still available, they wanted $200 each to watch that shit at fucking Home Depot Center or whatever it’s called now.
Yeah, that shit is ridiculous. I wonder if they’ll lower the price when the stadium is half full.
“Did you say raise the price? Okay!”
The NFL clearly doesn’t know shit about fuck.
I would go there on game-day with a $10 bill and offer to buy a ticket, take it or leave it.
Pretty funny, an underwear commercial during the Utah/BYU game
I think it would be cool if some team dedicated their game to Hurricane Irma. Not the survivors/victims, but the Hurricane itself.
Miami?
I seriously cannot stop laughing. I’m an awful person.
I’ve decided to catch up on Rick n Morty finally.
Fuck football.
Revolio Clockberg Jr. salutes you
Fuck that guy, he forgot to look out for #1.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jfoxsfhi-kk
I’m quite disappointed in that show.
But the internet said it was the best episode yet!
http://www.avclub.com/rick-and-morty-confront-their-worst-qualities-in-the-se-1798487237
We have Catholic universities, Mormon, Baptist, Methodist. Wonder how the conferences and TV networks would react to a team from a Nation of Islam-affiliated university?
About as well as an NFL team signing Kaep.
White people would shit themselves to death.
We’d just be so concerned about the message it sends teh children
I like SDSU’s logoless helmets.
How about Dem Whitecaps? They are 3 points back with 3 games in hand! Way to go lesser footy Liouns!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8Sywr_6Lqw
Well they did just sign Vanek, he might help.
Wrong sport. But they did sign a guy from Egypt who is pretty good
No no, Thomas Vanek. Big guy, scores lots of goals, probably from Sweden. He signed with the canucks.
Behind which team?
Just kidding. I don’t really give a shit about how good the Timbers are or aren’t. Well, I like that they’re ahead of the Sounders just to fuck with my ex-roommate who’s an honest to God shareholder in S2 and got himself a championship fan ring (for his pinkie. He’s classy that way.) because the Sounders won the MLS Cup last year.
I haven’t seen football players from BYU this futile at scoring since the last BYU student mixer!
The concept of mixing is a tool of the devil! In this
cultreligion we minimize our increases in entropy!Is that why black people didn’t have souls until 1979?
I knoe this will SHOCK AND AWE ppl, but I’m starting to think Oregon State might not be very good this season.
Anything other than baseball? Yes.
The Beavers being exposed seems like a relatively recent phenomenon.
everyone hates to see exposed Beaver like that to
I’d say half of Oregon does, but you can’t always tell by looking at them which half.
Beavers are meant to take a pounding. It’s how Canada was created.
This guy on the phone talking about how he has food for 2 months and a shit ton of water is just making himself the next mark for when the looting starts.
Maybe he’s just baiting people and looters are his intended food.
Like that song goes “People who eat people are the luckiest people…”
Sounds like a master baiter.
https://i.giphy.com/media/11gUHxG1ehyLfy/giphy.mp4
So this thing is real.
This might be everyone in my family’s Christmas gift.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GlgNxVwGv6A
Just in case it wasn’t clear that As Seen On TV items generally tend to be items for the disabled repurposed for the general public.
yeah, I just found the fit person frustrated at putting on their socks was a bit over the top at least life alert doesn’t try to sell itself to people who don’t need it.
“Why can’t I reach my foot with my leg fully extended while I don’t bend at the waist?”
I’m just gonna wrap up pinecones and seashells and see if everybody starts whispering about whether I have Alzheimer’s or have just finally had a full breakdown.
That would make a good sex toy
…THE ARISTOCRATS!
http://www.espn.com/video/clip?id=20652865&sf112882855=1
DID THEY MAKE IT??
They had to punt, on 4th and Goal.
Defensive holding would have been funnier IMO.
EXACTLY what NC State would have done
Utah averaging 6.9 yards per play. Nice.
Did Pirate Mike Leach sign Sam Bradford for this game?
What the fuck is the guy on the right doing in this vid?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIxaWVc4JQA
On an unrelated note, the wiki page for the NMH album lists, among others, instruments performed by the band: white (racist btw) noise, flugelhorn, and shortwave radio.
I’m letting those motherfuckers now they triggered me right out mah safe space
Looks like a Mouth/Jaw/Jews Harp
Speaking of things I’ve seen stuck up rectums…
“million to one shot, Doc”
I like those odds
https://www.
kink.com/channel/everythingbutt
makes one wonder if there’s a “canIputitupmybutt.com” website
/I sure as shit ain’t checking
Found that video searching for any worthy successor to this cover
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jQXt-R50zQ
She totally strikes me as the kind of woman who could transition from porn to mainstream. I’d watch her host like Wild On or Parts Unknown or some kind of travel series in an instant. I don’t even care whether she speaks English.
hee hee “Parts Unknown”
I’ll give that a hee hee as well.
she has a certain glamour about her, that other ladies who have put they fist up other ladies’ rectums on camera for money simply do not posess
Teh Hippo do have a point.
NEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDDD
oh shit, she might even noe how to read! I’m in love now. She’s probably even rich!!
/nope, she’s Czech, they pay them in tic-tacs, I’m pretty sure
That’s all theyre allowed to eat too
#synergy
That’s not the only thing they swallow.
So I’ve heard.
She seems lovely. Who is she?
Little Caprice
Seriously. I don’t know either.
Little Caprice. She also goes by Caprice, Marketa Stroblova, and from her early days her fan subreddit is r/patriciacaprice
NBC 11:00 news about Rutgers playing a cupcake team (Eastern Michigan), “but what happens if the cupcake wins?” It’s Rutgers. THEY’RE the cupcake.
Some WR for Boise State’s leg just exploded by itself. Wasn’t hit, nobody around, it just shot itself. Yikes.
RIP his knee ligaments.
Teddy Bridgewatered it, eh?
Has anyone checked the grassy knoll?
IT WAS PAPA SMURF KILLT JFK AFTER ALL TEH PIECES FIT!!111
Killerly was conveniently traveling through the state of Washington for some unknown reason last year… Add it to the list.
HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK
/I bet Gargamel fits into this somehow, too
Well at least sweet sweet booze can never lose. Undefeated to all comers.
[To Alcohol! gif]
she seems nice
Alexis Ren. She’s good friends with Jessie Andrews (DJ, former porn star) and my brother.
She is nice.
Hey, I feel like I know Jessie!!
Jesus
That one above really needs to be seen at full size: https://gfycat.com/GaseousShyFulmar
Yes it does.