2017 Quotables – Week 5 (Submissions)

I’d be critical of the NFL for a slate of really bad games this week…but I don’t want to be accused of not supporting The TroopsTM. In all honesty, it was tough mining for decent gifs this week but you’ve all done a lot more with a lot less in the past so, as they say, next man up. But first, Power Rankings were updated for Week 6:

Last week (Week 5):
Top 5: KC, ATL, DET, GB, PHI
Bottom 5: SF, CLE, LAC, MIA, NYG

This week (Week 6):
Top 5: KC, ATL, GB, PHI, CAR
Bottom 5: SF, CLE, NYG, CHI, ARI

Carolina is 4-1 in a not-2015 NFC South, though a match against PHI this week will tell us if they’re for real. Meanwhile, LAC sneaks out of the cellar for a week thanks to a visit to the WR-less Giants. Also, the never-say-die Jets are back in contention — how foolish was I to think that this is a franchise who clearly wasn’t building a winning team when, in reality, they were building an AFC East leader? But hey, I’m a guy so I can talk about things like ‘records’ and ‘routes’ and ‘birth control coverage’.

Anyways, I’m still working on properly sizing files to host etc so, hopefully, we’re faster loading with this week’s Quotables submissions, below.


I don’t know. NBC made this.

The Philadelphia Eagles celebrate a touchdown against the Arizona Cardinals.

The Indianapolis Colts receive a punt from the San Francisco 49ers.

New York Giants wide receiver makes, what is likely, his last 2017 Quotables appearance.

Ben Rothlisberger throws an interception in a game against the Jacksonville Jaguars.

Baltimore Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco passes for a first down against the Oakland Raiders #VEGASSTRONG

Chicago Bears punter Pat O’Donnell throws a touchdown pass against the Minnesota Vikings.

Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson is sacked in a game against the Los Angeles Rams.
0 0 votes
Article Rating
blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
Subscribe
Notify of
54 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
JerBear50

comment image

Foot bones connected to the… heel bone.
Heel bones connected to the…

I stand corrected.

JerBear50

comment image

I understand the importance of parental bonding, but at a certain age the papoose just becomes a bit much.

JerBear50

comment image

Well I’ll be damned. Agholor short-arms it when he throws too.

Dick E. Phuck

comment image?zoom=2&resize=305%2C172&ssl=1

The American Mona Lisa
By Unknown, 2017

Game Time Decision

comment image

“Baseball at a football game? Stop, stop, i can only get so erect”
-Peter King

Game Time Decision

comment image

this is what happens when football players take the red pill

Redshirt

comment image?resize=500%2C275&ssl=1

OUT! Runner out of the Baseline. Jeez, only the Eagles could screw up a homerun!

Redshirt

comment image?resize=600%2C338&ssl=1

As you can see here, if Andy Reid put as much effort into coaching as he does All You Eat Buffets, he’d have flipperfuls of Super Bowl trophies.

Redshirt

comment image?resize=501%2C282&ssl=1

Eh, this ain’t the first time Ben got in trouble for forcing his balls were they didn’t belong.

Brick Meathook

comment image
sob sob
How could he do this to me? He didn’t call, he didn’t write!
sob sob

There there, Odell, maybe Eli just forgot. You’ll see. It will all be better.

sob sob
No it won’t!
sob sob

Unsurprised

That kicker’s practice net is going to be sooooooo jealous.

montythisseemsstrangetome

comment image
Good thing Pence didn’t stick around to see this.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

These tears brought to you by GATORADE. It’s got what your tear ducts crave!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

I feel like these diagrams are some kind of religious art prepared by the Kansas City ant population.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

For a second there I thought I was looking at the photographic negative of the Music City Miracle.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

The last time I saw someone use a football as a bat was last year when Peyton glued wings to one and used it to scare the bejesus out of Eli for Halloween.

King Hippo

comment image?resize=600%2C338&ssl=1

Terrifying hellscape Denny’s child’s menu drawing

SonOfSpam

comment image

Haven’t seen a Colts play this bad since Pauly Shore starred in Equus.

LemonJello

comment image
KHunt: “It’s like he’s staring into my soul.”
ASmith: “If by ‘soul’ you mean your BBQ platter, then yes.”

SonOfSpam

comment image

Most awkward Irish guy attempt at a pass since Pat O’Brien tried to get some rando into a 3 way with Betsy.

SonOfSpam

comment image

Hush little Odell
Don’t say a word
Ankle gonna crumble
Like a week-old turd

King Hippo

BEST SPAM EVAR

montythisseemsstrangetome

comment image
Odell Beckham Jr’s injury brought to you by Gatorade.
Gatorade – Is It In You?

LemonJello

Oh, my. Gottdamm.

Redshirt

I think we can write this banner in ink.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I thought “the Minnesota defense” was a prom night thing.

SonOfSpam

…”So, whatcha doin with that finger there now?”

ArmedandHammered

comment image?zoom=1.75&resize=489%2C275&ssl=1

As Russel goes down all he can hear is the faint sound of Don Ho singing “Tiny Bubbles”.

LemonJello

comment image
#thatssoravens

LemonJello

Alternate:
/Internal monologue of Flacco:
“C’mon, Joe, focus! You aren’t going to earn that post-game bowl of low-fat ice milk playing like this.”

LemonJello

comment image

Yakety Sax be-**record scratch**
Sad Trombone plays over stadium PA

ArmedandHammered

Only Vogon poetry could adequately describe this play.

montythisseemsstrangetome

comment image
@realDonaldTrump: #17 is a disgrace to #Troops crouching during National Pastime. Dems told him to do this.

LemonJello

comment image

“Hey, Dangeruss, we hear you’re not a big fan of RAMMIT!”

LemonJello

Alternate: If a QB is sacked in an LA NFL game, and no one is there to see it, did it really happen?

LemonJello

comment image

Just returning some of these D-cells to the folks in the upper deck.

ArmedandHammered

comment image?zoom=1.75&resize=489%2C275&ssl=1

It may not be in a bathroom, but Ben still likes forcing completions into opposing kitties.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

comment image

Wow, he really does like to force it in there, doesn’t he?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

comment image

There, there, don’t cry. Your hair is still dandruff-free and full of sheen.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

comment image

This play put Pat O’Donnell in the Top 5 Best Passers in Bears Franchise History

BrettFavresColonoscopy

comment image

If you zoom out even further, eventually you see this:

comment image

ArmedandHammered

comment image?zoom=1.75&resize=488%2C268&ssl=1

Of course if the NFL took over baseball there would be 3 umpires at homeplate, and none of them would know what is a strike or a ball.

LemonJello

comment image?resize=501%2C282&ssl=1
“Boss Todd told THE BEN to throw to dancing man more, but Boss Todd not THE BEN’S Supervisor! HARF HARF HARF”

LemonJello

comment image?resize=600%2C338&ssl=1
Seems the Truth Biscuit found himself a wingman for KISSIN’ TITTAYSSSS.

LemonJello

Alternate:
“I probably could have done that.”
-M. Sanchez, splitting his attention from the game and the Glenbard East cheerleading squad in the stands

LemonJello

comment image?resize=480%2C270&ssl=1
“OBJ, I just can’t quit you!” *soft sobbing*

LemonJello

comment image?resize=600%2C338&ssl=1
These are just a few of the ingenious ways Andy Reid has circumvented the “Two Trips to the Buffet” rule at Smoky Butts BBQ Emporium