Your Saturday morning pre-NFL soccer thread

At the risk of having y’all say,  “Fuck,  Balls again?!?” and having it NOT be related to what you did a few hours ago,

This time,  I’m filling in for Don T as he was originally scheduled to regale you with tales of La Liga legends

EPL underdogs

And other stuff

But his doctor/curandero said he had caught TITS fever

And it can only be relieved by a Pats loss, celebratory sex,  and arroz con gandules y lechón.

So,  I bring you your hot hot Saturday morning holds holds it action.  And I’ll have some arroz con dulce,  si no es mucha molestia.

Here are the games in the US (Please remember that all times are Pacific):

And here are the games in Canada:

Please note that the Germans are back in action.  The Bundesliga does not have the fame or “glamour” of the EPL or La Liga,  but they play some darn good footy. When Chicharito moved to the Bundesliga,  my dad started watching it and I caught some matches.

All I can say is that,  if you watch Bundesliga,  you will understand how Germany rebounded to again be the best team in the world. The style of play is interesting and has a mix of physicality and finesse that captures the best features of the beautiful game.

Enjoy the games.  We’ll see you for the NFL crapfest later….

ballsofsteelandfury

ballsofsteelandfury

International Member of the Geelong Cats and recovering Steelers fan. Likes Butts. And Balls. And Boobs. Pretty much anything that starts with the letter B. Preferably together.
ballsofsteelandfury

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PetroneltheeWeeBabySeamusKing HippoGratliffWCS Recent comment authors
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WCS

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Fuck the Patriots.

Gratliff

gettin’ in my Brady-hating mindset
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King Hippo

Thank you good sir, for the Karma provided by the most beautiful lady in the world

FLY IGGLES FLY

Don T

😂😂I’m actually having Mexican food, but lechón would’ve hit the spot.

Tough week, having to make time for work and family between obsessing about the Tits. Hope this proves lucky
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King Hippo

that is fucking badass

King Hippo

also I guess it makes sense that Mister Poopy Butthole’s favourite player is inactive, Woo-eee!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

While living in Arizona, I used to get so sick of these commercials.
But today….hells yeah.

theeWeeBabySeamus

The actual music behind the commercial…

Gratliff

Happy ending to the AGDQ awful people thing, Sayvi responded to the toxic bullshit by doing flawless Dark Souls 3 boss fights while blindfolded.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Gratliff

Also appreciate AGDQ providing us with a themed Mouth Eyes moment
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Gratliff

My god, gamers were a mistake. Woman running Dark Souls 3 at AGDQ today and Twitch and Twitter are all praising the presence of a “REAL girl”, since there have been several trans women running at these events. Then after failing to pull off a trick 3 or 4 times, the entire thing turns into “lol girls, amirite?” It’s almost like all the shitty stereotypes about gamers, especially after gamergate were dead on.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

The Internet was a mistake, too.

Wakezilla

I already knew this before, but, as a father to a girl, it’s really eye opening how fucked up and terrible parents are to their kids. Then they (the kids) spread that hateful shit to others.

King Hippo

u spelled “humanity” wrong imo godbless

Petronel
Petronel

Yep, chat etc. will make even the most warm and friendly person seriously misanthropic. I just can’t do it. But the runs I’ve seen have been terrific, some of the best at any *GDQ, regardless of the gender of the runner.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I’m not sure what to see today: the Hedy Lamarr documentary, Paddington 2 (Filmdrunk made a compelling argument, I liked Coco, and I kind of just want to see something nice and harmless), All The Money In The World, I, Tonya, Proud Mary, Downsizing, Blade Runner, or The Raid.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Ha! Nice. There’s a theater just showing Groundhog Day nonstop all day on February 2.

If I knew last night was the final night I’d have seen Dazed and Confused there. They’re showing Purple Rain tomorrow. It’s not good, but I kind of want to see it anyway.

nomonkeyfun
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hedley

theeWeeBabySeamus

Goddamn you.
I was just looking for the gif. And Postimage.org is being a dick today.
Oh well…. here’s a better one anyway, which already has the “s”.
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I volunteer at the library once a week and I am genuinely amazed still when I’m pulling children’s books for holds at other libraries and see how relatively diverse and “woke” so many are compared to when I was a kid – especially for a city as *ahem* homogenous as Portland is.

scotchnaut

[begins writing list of cities he thinks are ‘homo-generous’]

-Jeff Sessions

BrettFavresColonoscopy
theeWeeBabySeamus

Hippo, you’re a bad influence on my otherwise pristine morals.

$300 on Iggles moneyline (+135)
$100 on the under (41.0)

yeah right

I like the first bet, weather will determine the 2nd but it’s got a real shot too.

yeah right

34 and breezy. Did you parlay or single bet those?

yeah right

Answered my own question thanks.

King Hippo

See, I stayed within the ATS there. Cautious. I could see this being decided within a FG either way, though I do favour the Iggles. Would rather bet extra than get the +135.

theeWeeBabySeamus

ATS on my service was down to +2.0. I wasn’t willing.

Wakezilla

I’m going to assume you were persuaded by my expert inside-of-her analysis.

On a related note, you probably are going to lose as this was my prognostication

theeWeeBabySeamus

I always lose. It won’t kill me.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Just finished my chores, Pa!!!!!
/looks at watch

If I start drinking now, I can be drunk enough by kickoff that I won’t remember today’s games.
Sounds like a plan!!!
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

One of us! One of us!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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scotchnaut

Taking my son to get a haircut. Anybody else want one while I’m there?

herodotus450
herodotus450

See if they have any of these
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theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m good, thanks.
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

How the fuck do you get nape fat?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dedication? I guess?
LMFAO

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I’m finally getting around to stitching together the actual goal with the rest of my Mohamed Salah gif from last month.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Villareal only today beat Real Madrid in Madrid for the first time? Damn.

litre_cola

I enjoy this immensely.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Jesus even watching this socked ball match I still can’t get away from nfl commercials/inanity

King Hippo

BOW to the will of The Shield!!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Christian Pulisic 89th-minute goal Dortmund over Hoffenheim last month.

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Wakezilla

Cheeky bastard!

scotchnaut

/watching the end of The Hundred-Foot Journey

Dame Helen of Mirren is a juggernaut of sexiness. Damn.

herodotus450
herodotus450

In some universe Rooney Mara has married Wayne Rooney and just given birth to a child.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I forget the name of the Bayern goalie back around 2000, but I remember he was a fucking beast that saved them a ton of times in UEFA games they’d show on Spanish television.

Ah. Oliver Kahn.

KAAAHHHHNNNNN!!!!

litre_cola

Oliver Kahn?

Fronkenshteen

Aw shit. Keith Jackson died.

scotchnaut

“Whoa.”

-Nellie

nomonkeyfun

That joke was Soph-o-moric.

SonOfSpam

Yeah, losing Enberg and Jackson back to back sucks. Why they were sitting back to back is a mystery for another day.

herodotus450
herodotus450

“Keith Jackson used the last of his times out; this will be an indefinite time out.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

“Can I get some of those?”
– A. Reid

herodotus450
herodotus450

Do the refs actually keep an accurate clock in soccer or do they just guess at the stoppage time?

scotchnaut

I thought that back in the day it was a flexible thing but now it’s more regulated?

scotchnaut

I’ve also thought that FlavoUr Flav wore a clock because he was once a youth league soccer coach.

herodotus450
herodotus450

That would explain why Red(card)man was in his entourage.

scotchnaut

[wrestles with joke about “Yellow” by Coldplay]

[gets pinned]

herodotus450
herodotus450

“What’s this about yellow?”
-R. Kelly

King Hippo

Moneyline on #OddWeekJaguras all the way down to +270. I am quite disappoint. I mean, 5 bills on +7.5 (now down to 7) is decent ACTION! But I wanted another ML payday to chase.

rockingdog
rockingdog

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litre_cola

A lot of people forget that Chelsea’s stadium isn’t in Chelsea.

King Hippo

NAWT Commentists!!

/the MOAR u noe

litre_cola

95 minute penalty to Mighty Fulham for the win, buried! Kind of a bullshit call but I will take it. Suck it Pulis!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I imagine it would’ve been quite uncomfortable for her if it was.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Not the first time a Chelsea Lester is glad that there are only 10 men.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Leicester is still good? I assumed they were like the Marlins.

rockingdog
rockingdog

Yea they are looking good.
Whoops, spoke too soon….they are down to 10 men now.

King Hippo

They sort of tried to Marlin? But couldn’t get their shop window price for Mahrez or Vardy, so they kept ’em.

rockingdog
rockingdog

I finished that Fire and Fury book. 5 stars, would recommend!

litre_cola

Bet it is difficult to tell between fact and fiction.

rockingdog
rockingdog

Yea I guess your right. But it was entertaining!
It was like eating a big tub of ice cream. You like it while your doing it, but when you stop and reflect, you feel a bit bad about yourself and the state of affairs.

rockingdog
rockingdog

King Hippo

I wonder if EPL attendance is down this weekend, what with all of England excite over mighty Jaguras!

litre_cola

Next year Hippo Iggles Jaguras weekend. It is cheaper for me to fly to Lonodn than to philly in October.

rockingdog
rockingdog

Go chelsea!

litre_cola

I get to see teh Fulham on DAZN Sports. It is a good day! Lester and the Scum on the tv.

Tony Pulis is managing Middlesborough?!?!? How the fuck does he keep getting work????

King Hippo

Lester is decked out as the N’Awlins Saints, too.

litre_cola

Teh Cottagers are wearing black as well. Sharp as hell.

King Hippo

the whites in black, somebody should tell Limbaugh!

litre_cola

Listen futbol globe my son is on a schedule and when I get up with him at 5 30 am I fucking expect teh futbol!!!! Big day for teh Mighty Fulham. Can I have a Fulham road win and Iggles home win please???

scotchnaut

“Damn right, ‘the Germans are back in action’! That was always the plan.”

-Alfred von Schlieffen

theeWeeBabySeamus

“Please note that the Germans are back in action.”

Well, that’s just fucking great!!!

– Poland