Your Sexy Soccer Saturday Open Thread

Yes,  we are back! The International Break is over and the leagues are back in action and oh kids have we got a full Saturday of delightful Footy action!

Here is the schedule:

This is one of those days that it makes sense to wake up early and have beer for breakfast.

True story: On one of the first of dozens of trips to Las Vegas,  we stayed at the Excalibur in one of the jacuzzi suites.  Yes,  we had female company and yes the jacuzzi was nicely used,  but that’s not the focus of the story. Upon arrival,  I went across the street to the nearest minimart and bought provisions. Breakfast consisted of a pack of Entenmann’s donuts and an oil can of Foster’s lager.

Per person.

I don’t care who you are,  that’s

On to the Burning Questions of the Day!

Question The First

How is DFO’s adopted team,  Young Boys,  doing?

Answer: Da Boys suffered their first defeat of the season,  at home,  against Luzern. In addition,  they’re getting passed around like choirboys at Penn State in the Champions League.

Taeks from the crew:

Wakezilla: “Young Boys don’t keep clean sheets”

King Hippo – “sill spotting from the Juve pounding,  I guess”

Litre_cola – “They are young. They will heal up and get over it…”

Question The Second

How is Balls’ Multi Of The Week doing?

Answer: Not good.  We are 0 for 3, but I take solace in the fact that we have only missed one leg in each multi so far. As Hippo says,  “THAT MEANS WE’RE DUE!”

It’s actually Hippo’s fault we lost the last time. His Everton side was supposed to play nice with Litre’s Fulham side and split the points.  But NOOOOO, they had to beat them 3-0! Considering my predicted Madrid Derby Draw and the West Ham upset of Man U came through,  that one hurt. Speaking of,

Question The Third

Is this the week when Mourinho gets fired?

Answer: Seriously,  how the fuck has he managed to hang on? Does he have pictures of someone in the Man U board fucking a black goat?

On the bright side,  the Red Devils play AT Chelsea in a game that has loss written all over it.  The only problem is that Mourinho will blame the International Break and he’ll probably live to coach another week.

Question The Fourth

What games should we watch today?

Answer: This is, once again, the toughest question of all as we have a great selection of high quality footy matches to entertain us.  Here’s the omakase menu (All times Pacific):

4:00 AM Real Madrid v Levante (will Real ever score again?)

4:30 Chelsea v Manchester United (yes,  you can watch both. 2 screens!)

6:30 AM Stuttgart v Borussia Dortmund

8:00 AM PSG v Amiens SC

9:30 AM Villarreal v Atlético Madrid

11:45 Barcelona v Sevilla (that’s LEAGUE-LEADING Sevilla!)

3:00 PM Querétaro v Cruz Azul

5:00 PM América v Tijuana

7:00 PM Necaxa v León

Question The Fifth

Do you have a Balls Multi Of The Week?

Answer: Yes we do! We’re going with some exotic betting options this time:

Leg 1 – PSG v Amiens SC OVER 2.5 goals – 1.25

Leg 2 – Juventus to WIN – 1.2

Leg 3 – Sevilla to WIN OR DRAW – 3.4

Add them up and what do you have?

5.1

JUMP ON IT!

 

ballsofsteelandfury

ballsofsteelandfury

International Member of the Geelong Cats and recovering Steelers fan. Likes Butts. And Balls. And Boobs. Pretty much anything that starts with the letter B. Preferably together.
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Moose -The End Is Well NighballsofsteelandfuryKing Hippoherodotus450litre_cola Recent comment authors
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herodotus450
herodotus450

The Okla-TCU nooner not being on Fox, and therefore no Gus Johnson, is the greatest injustice in the history of the universe.

litre_cola

I give up.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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yeah right

Kind of nervous that I took the Cherries to win instead of draw. I could have been fucking rich betting nothing but draw last year.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

I’d uh….Draw her Cherry??

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I thought we were talking about something else….. I get confused with this betting talk.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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yeah right

Wait! That’s not Kurt Russell!

He was named Stuntman Mike too!

litre_cola

I hate everything.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Have I got a song for you

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I don’t understand. Everything is fine:

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King Hippo

NBC trying to cross-sell KANSAS is really goddamned sad.

Also, here’s a shoutout for Mourinho:

herodotus450
herodotus450

Moar like moronho amirit

King Hippo

Yarmolenko, he die

Fronkenshteen

Fuck. Wha’ happn’?

King Hippo

guess would be broken leg

herodotus450
herodotus450

Shake my yarmolenko
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litre_cola

Me pounding my fist on my desk has unnervex my co worker

King Hippo

just explain what a cruel blow this is to the White Power movement, that’ll clear things right up

litre_cola

Hmmmm he is from India. Might not be a good move.

King Hippo

depends on wat caste he is imo shivabless

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

@balls – was your comment last night about Dude Where’s My Car related to this or was it just a spooky coincidence?

http://collider.com/danny-leiner-dead-harold-kumar-director/

herodotus450
herodotus450

Didn’t some other Harold and Kumar-related player die recently? #WhatDidTheyKnow

King Hippo

This will be very unpopular, but I find all of their “genre tree” of movies quite tiresome.

/plans to re-watch The Royal Tenenbaums this weekend, Cinemax on Demand

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Obama administration had Kal Penn killed a few years ago, if that is what you’re referencing.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[that is a joke, by the way. He left House to go work for the Obama admin and on the show his character mysteriously committed suicide for no particular reason]

herodotus450
herodotus450

Hmm maybe that’s what i was thinkin of. Worst trade deal in the histroy of trade deals for him to leave House and then have to go work with the House (of representatives).

scotchnaut

“No sir, they’re saying ‘Boo-urnley'”.

scotchnaut

KEVIN THE BROOM SIGHTING!

King Hippo

basically just called the Chelski folk a bunch of uneducated Chavs LMAO

litre_cola

Whaddaya mean the 2 worst teams in the prem isn’t televised??????

Good thing I am at work.

King Hippo

I have all my moneys tied up in JV and NFL so I can’t crazy person bet y’all no more

rockingdog
rockingdog

hell yea Barkley!!!
2-2 tied up ManU & Chelsea!!!
killer match overall.

King Hippo

I enjoyed that ridiculous slap fight that the “special one” tried to engage, once 3 security guys were in his way.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Having just moved out of my glass house I feel safe to say: goddamn ‘bama STILL hasn’t played anyone this year. MAYBE LSU is they only good game, two weeks from now and ‘bama will be coming off the bye.

King Hippo

I also told my Lesser Footy colleague at work last week that Manure needed to have Mata in the XI, I didn’t care who that meant had to sit. They are a chicken with its head cut off without his footballing brain.

rockingdog
rockingdog

shit. 2-1 Man U are up.comment image

rockingdog
rockingdog

Man U 1-1 chelsea. This match is finally getting good!

King Hippo

Chelski…you had ONE JOB

King Hippo

Princess Lea denied and it’s still 0-2 to Levante, 62nd minute.

rockingdog
rockingdog

wait isnt Lea supposoed to be good? the heck???

King Hippo

Dark Side pays, yo

rockingdog
rockingdog

lets go chelsea!!!

Fronkenshteen

I put in a 7-team parlay last night with each and every pick virtually slathered in Recency Bias, as my picks are wont to be. Other than the odds, I think I do it because it hurts less when you lose. Sort of like losing at Powerball. “Oh well. I wasn’t SUPPOSED to win anyway!”
In any event, BEHOLD THE SEVEN LEGGED MONSTER!! Tell me where I FACKED AHP.

• Bolts -6.5 vs Tits in London
• Humps (-315) vs Buffalo
• Jest / Vikings – OVER 46
• Bucs / Factory – OVER 51.5 😳
• RRRRRRRAMIT (-400) @ SF
• Chefs (-245) vs Cincy
• NYG/ATL – OVER 54

$9 gets me $271.87

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yeah right

My guess would be the Vikings Jets over. Vikings D has been making strides. Not sure the Jets score that many points.

Ian Scott McCormick

I’m awake. Let’s get on the road. My dad brain demands we make good time.

Senor Weaselo

Go Prius go!

yeah right

But I have to pee!