2019 [DFO] Banner Tournament: First Round, Day 15 (End of the Round!)

Senor Weaselo

Senor Weaselo

Senor Weaselo plays the violin. He tucks it right under his chin. When he isn’t doing that, he enjoys watching his teams (Yankees, Jets, Knicks, and Rangers), trying to ingest enough capsaicin to make himself breathe fire (it hasn’t happened yet), and scheming to acquire the Bryant Park zamboni.
Senor Weaselo

The first couple days of the proper NCAA Tournament (not you, First Four, you’re not fooling anyone) are hectic as all hell as you go across every conceivable network to find the games, and once again remember what TruTV is—occasionally they have that World’s Dumbest show, which is how we know Danny Bonaduce is still alive, somehow, and other D-list-or-lower celebrities. Or at least they were like 10 years ago when I watched it? Who knows. Anyway it’s the Ides of March, so you rightly receive death-related music.

Yes, it’s a lot of fucking notes. Yes, I’m glad I don’t play piano. I actually was kinda trash at it when I took my mandatory keyboard classes in college, and only placed out of it for my Master’s by the skin of my teeth because I knew the notes for the chords, it just took an eternity to play it. Anyway, the required final two matchups.

First Round, BOLTMAN Region

  • 10. “I haven’t been this anxious for a period to start since a broken condom scare junior year of high school.” (65%, 22 Votes)
  • 7. “if you take a bunch of tires, put them in a dumpster, and set them on fire, would you describe it as a dumpster fire or a tire fire, or should I just keep calling it the [Redacteds]?” (35%, 12 Votes)

Total Voters: 34

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First Round, BOLTMAN Region

  • 2. “I’ll take one poster, a beer coozy, a bottle opener, and a pack of HRTN condoms – because nothing says ‘appropriate DFO branding’ like a condom named ‘Hard Ride to Nowhere.’” (71%, 24 Votes)
  • 15. “I have picked up and put down Infinite Jest so many times that I now have tennis elbow.” (29%, 10 Votes)

Total Voters: 34

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That’ll do it for the first round, which got done before March Madness even started, so look at that, we’re ahead of the game, because they haven’t even selected the teams and aren’t planning to be done until April friggin’ 8th. If they brought it up A WEEK it would be almost acceptably late, I’ll give them April 1st (begrudgingly), as the Final Four would have still been in March, but at some point it’s going to become April Agita instead. This will of course then directly lead to the Christmas season because fuck it.

Tomorrow, the second round, which still doesn’t get a name because it’s never gotten a name so that won’t change.

Senor Weaselo
Senor Weaselo
Senor Weaselo plays the violin. He tucks it right under his chin. When he isn't doing that, he enjoys watching his teams (Yankees, Jets, Knicks, and Rangers), trying to ingest enough capsaicin to make himself breathe fire (it hasn't happened yet), and scheming to acquire the Bryant Park zamboni.
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litre_colablaxabbathHoratio CornblowerWakezillaUnsurprised Recent comment authors
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blaxabbath

“Rounds ending?! Now there’s something I never want to hear about in a Christchurch mosque!

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Horatio Cornblower

It hurt to vote against the ‘Infinite Jest’ crack, because it’s so well-deserved, but the seeding demanded otherwise.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

#2 could’ve easily been the #1 overall. That’s a killer.

Don T

The Barely Illegal 16?

blaxabbath

Or, as Roy Moore calls it, Geriatric.

Wakezilla

March Madness starts in April? That sounds about right for what I think about American Education.

(Sorry DFO Yanks, Wakezilla still loves you).

nomonkeyfun

Herp derp. We beat you during the War of 1812 in the Battle of Washington. Go back home you smarty pants Canuck.

blaxabbath

YOU BURNT DOWN THE WHITE HOUSE YOU SONOFABITCH!

litre_cola

nomonkeyfun

Name proposal for the second round of 32. The MILF set.

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Wakezilla

She seems like she would make a good second wife

Horatio Cornblower

Your third wife will hate her.

nomonkeyfun

That 2-15 battle is as engrossing as “the Entertainment.”

ballsofsteelandfury

That 7 – 10 matchup should go down to the wire.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Going down to the wire” is what Donte Stallworth’s hot air balloon operator told him was about to happen next.