Beyond Infinite Nets Game 85: Lost in a Cloud

Ian Scott McCormick

Ian Scott McCormick

Ian is a New Yorker, a father, a husband, a sports fan. He covers a variety of subjects but really only appreciates burgers and cola.
Ian Scott McCormick

I make bad decisions. Not the truly crippling ones like trying heroin or leaving my wife and child for a stranger who smiled at me on the train, but the kind of self defeating ones. I have a responsibility. For the remainder of the Nets season, what could now be as brief as two more games, I owe it to you the reader to really consume the games and present something that you can slowly digest, as you sit on the toilet after having digested something else of greater value. I should remain relatively sober, locked away in the sanctity of my living room, so that I can experience the action. Or I should buy a ticket, go to the game sober, and give you a real boots on the ground account. But I did neither of these things. I called a friend, because I wanted to be at least adjacent to the action. We met in my old neighborhood at King’s Hall, a mere two minute walk from the arena, so that we could get the cheap tailingating version of the energy that surrounded the arena moments before it hosted a playoff game for the first time in four years. And yes, it really has been only four years. For whatever reason it feels like it should have been 12, but nope, they were there, losing in a six game first round series to the Atlanta Hawks. What? You don’t remember the classic Atlanta Hawks/Brooklyn Nets first round battle? The year before that they took down the Raptors, back when Toronto was trying out their moronic “We The North” slogan. Nobody cares that you live in the north, Canada. You’re not the fucking free folk. You have socialized healthcare. We’re the psychopaths, you Ned Flanders motherfuckers. Looking back, I’m shocked they didn’t go with “We Da North.”

But I digress.

My long and rambling point is that I wanted to be out and about. Of course this meant that I was out and about at 6, and after consuming various sundries, my recollection leaves something to be desired. Pregame, I do remember the place being about 75% full, which isn’t bad considering it’s an over sized space that wishes it were a proper Bavarian Beer Hall (It isn’t). There was a growing energy, but the Brooklyn Nets are still very much in their culture. The life sustaining bandwagoners are still a year away, though they’ll be out in full force next year if the Knicks don’t have the off season they’re banking on. Mostly, the fans just seemed confused, with no real chant to rally around besides slowly droning the name of their favorite porn star, Brooke Lynn. I’m not sure how they settled on that one, but who saw the Steinbrenners rallying around the anonymous gay hookup positive anthem YMCA?  There aren’t a ton of boisterous loudmouths yet. These are still the nebbish Brooklyners who always look as if they will need to explain their fandom, even in the company of other Nets fans. Here’s a fun fact: Most Net fans don’t know any other Net fans. I know I don’t. My friend is definitely not a basketball fan, much less a Nets fan. I could make friends with these people. Some of them might live in Bay Ridge. We could be lifelong friends who don’t see everything eye to eye, but always have the Nets. But I don’t. I don’t want to make friends. Hell, who knows if I even want to follow the Nets when they are on the inevitable downslide of whatever wild ride they’re on this season? Maybe the Nets suck in 5 years. Do I want to root for a team that sucks? We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, but I’m not making any promises right now.

The Nets didn’t win. There wasn’t much of a fight. This was a bit of a letdown, after noted asshole Joel Embiid laughed while apologizing for elbowing Jarrett Allen in the goddamn mouth. Laughing apologizes are not the most tactful apologies, and several Net players let the media know that they don’t care for Embiid. Former Net Richard Jefferson said he hoped that they would retaliate. I was primed, and I know the arena was set to boo Embiid into the stone age. And then Joel Embiid didn’t play. He sat out with a sore knee. I wasn’t in the arena. I was in a bar wondering why he was in fucking street clothes. But I get the feeling that they sucked the energy out of the building by not giving them somebody to vent. In a strange way, I think the Nets had a better chance at winning if Joel Embiid had suited up. Even if he is the best player on their team and make them a much harder out. A win would have been nice, but Ben Simmons showed up for the second game in a row and JJ Reddick was hitting, and the Nets hovered somewhere between 7-10 points behind for most of the 4th quarter.

I would have enjoyed a win. a 2-1 lead is a much closer series than a 2-1 deficit, and I wouldn’t have to hear about how their season is over from my coworkers.

“If they don’t win game three, is that it for them?”

“No, dude. It’s a seven game series. Teams have come back from 2-1 deficits before, homey.”

Always with the fucking preemptive narratives. Still, they do now have to go 3 for 4 against a better Philadelphia squad. It could happen. I’m not holding my breath for it. And frankly, I wouldn’t mind being able to get pie eyed without wondering about how I’m going to generate content the next day.

The Brooklyn Nets trail the Philadelphia 76ers 2-1 in the first round of the Eastern Conference playoffs.

Ian Scott McCormick
Ian Scott McCormick
Ian is a New Yorker, a father, a husband, a sports fan. He covers a variety of subjects but really only appreciates burgers and cola.
https://ianscottmccormick.com/
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Moose -The End Is Well NighscotchnautDunstanCol. Duke LaCrossBrick Meathook Recent comment authors
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scotchnaut

I’m a half hour into Predator. I’m sure I’m in the minority when I say that this is Arnold’s best movie. If you counter with Terminator 2, that’s okay. Just proves that you hate minorities.

/Game. Set. Match.

Dunstan
Dunstan

I just saw the video for RAMIT! I swear I didn’t really get the reference before, and oh my god was I missing out…

Gratliff

On the bright side, only have to write one more of these

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

That’s bad for us. We need to force Ian to follow another team now.

Infinite Mets!

Gratliff

He’s done nothing to deserve that sort of fate

rockingdog
rockingdog

Scott hits that 3 on that broken play. Nice.

rockingdog
rockingdog

Reddick with the HUGGGGGEEEEE 3!!!!

rockingdog
rockingdog

Classic

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Should have named him Bert. Bert LaVert.

rockingdog
rockingdog

@ pixelatedboat is the real deal…. found a funny:
***SPECIAL 4/20 JOKE***
Q: What did Bob Marley and Herbert Hoover’s wife have in common?
A: They both loved “the herb”!

Dunstan
Dunstan

Speaking of dumb narratives, there was a headline yesterday morning on TSN (Canada’s national –well, Toronto-centric — sports network) asking “Is The Leafs’ Season Done After Losing Game Four?”

And man, I hate the Leaves, but are you fucking kidding me? 2-2 in a series is “done” because of “momentum” or whatever bullshit take they were spewing?

scotchnaut

Given their long history of failure, this ‘take’ was right in the wheelhouse of a typical Leafs fan’s worries.

WCS

Santa Clarita Diet is so friggin good.

WCS

Senor Weaselo

Well it could be worse, Aaron Judge could also be hurt—wait, FUCK.

ballsofsteelandfury

GUYS!! THE RUNNING MAN IS ON TV!!

God, I loved the 80s.

ballsofsteelandfury

Fun fact: The Running Man starred TWO future governors of US states.

TWO.

Dunstan
Dunstan

And the shame of it is that Richard Dawson didn’t become one

Col. Duke LaCross

An inexplicably powerful game show host messing with Arnold Schwarzenegger? No way that could happen in real life!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nuggets had a great season, but the more experienced (experienced at all) team, the Spurs are going to win the series. Go Avs. Go Roc…… never mind this one.

King Hippo

MOAR LIEK No Guts ,, amirite?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You should not have bought those mail order spurs.

King Hippo

#BFIB are facing sommet called “Chris Flexen” – who totes looks like a serial killer.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Unsurprised
Unsurprised

That was funny.

Sharkbait

Game Time Decision

Name a worse three word slogan than “We the North”.
-GTD channeling PK
/ it is dumb and have always thought so

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Finish The Wall”. It hasn’t even been started yet!

LemonJello
LemonJello

Also what Nick Mason said in studio during another one of Roger Waters and David Gilmour’s arguments.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Also attributed to Bran the Builder.

King Hippo

wha happen to Bob? They finally link him that series of abortion clinic bombings??

King Hippo

It’s like the “Poochie” committee, trying to make Toronto 10% MOAR urban, eh?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I defy you to not smile at this cover of The Joker by Fatboy Slim featuring Bootsy Collins (and I think a little Macy Gray too).

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m hoping to retire in about 8 years. Assuming we’re all still alive, does anyone want to go in with me on DFO Adult Films Corporación?

LemonJello
LemonJello

Gonna start working behind the camera?

ballsofsteelandfury

comment image

LemonJello
LemonJello

Looks different from that angle.

King Hippo

as long as I can sleep on your couch and you take imaginary dollars…SURE!

Game Time Decision

DAFC Inc.
IPO in a few months at $56 a share.
Fresh off their series “The Hard Ride( to nowhere)”, they are the AVN stars of the year. Buy now before they are out of your league

-future press release from balls

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Yes please

rockingdog
rockingdog

found a funny:
POLICE: knock knock
DRUG DEALER: who’s there
P: weed
DD: weed who
P: we’d like to come in and arrest you
DD: lol good one, come on in

ballsofsteelandfury

I really would make a great porn producer.

Maybe when I grow up…

ballsofsteelandfury

Porn movie ideas:
The cable guy actually fixes the cable.
The pizza guy delivers the pizza and gets the amount owed.
The tenant pays the rent on time.

King Hippo

the lady jailer/cop? NAWT hot and bawdy.

ballsofsteelandfury

Bawdy is one of my favourite words.

King Hippo

it’s really delightful. Courtesan will always be my favourite, though.

ballsofsteelandfury

If there was a play called The Bawdy Courtesan, I’d be there opening night.

King Hippo

another DFO Corporacion Production?

ballsofsteelandfury

YES!

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

The woman enters the bedroom and then does the laundry, including ironing all the shirts.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Idea for a stoner comedy: Stoner invents time machine, plans to use it to go back in time to kill baby Hitler. Realizes he is not comfortable with killing a baby, so plans to switch infant Hitler with another baby in the same maternity ward. Except since Hitler’s birthday is 4/20 hijinks ensue.

King Hippo

ah mean, you LIVE close to Hollywoo, sell that shit!!

ballsofsteelandfury

AND HE KNOWS HOLLYWOOD PEOPLE!

King Hippo

I sense a “Rikki plays poker with interesting ppl” story coming on…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The thing is, even marginally competent stoner comedies have a built-in audience.

King Hippo

and this has an actual hook! Not like haha, even multicultural stoners like White Castle

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Even funnier is that one of my fancy Hollywood friends had a pretty major part in a Harold and Kumar movie.

Game Time Decision

NPH? Lol

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, the guy who hosted the “bottomless” party.

Working title: Harold and Kumar F**k Up the Timeline

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

It’s funny how many people I know from back home know him but yet we’ve never met.

ballsofsteelandfury

Don’t tell Yeah Right, but I only spent an hour at the DMV this morning.

No appointment.

yeah right

It’s ok because I’m NEVER going back. I’ve done my time.

yeah right

Bet you didn’t go to Hawthorne either.

ballsofsteelandfury

Pasadena. I got lucky all I needed to do was get a clean title for a car I paid off. The driver license line was around the block.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

They let you into Pasadena?

ballsofsteelandfury

They better. I’ve lived here for 40 years.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So I’ve been thinking the next genre of porn (once this horrendous stepmother/brother/etc. nonsense dies out) is to do live-action versions of dirty jokes. Like, all the old “farmer’s daugher” classics. Seems like it would be fun (and sexy!).

yeah right

Don’t understand the incest porn thing either.

Is it because nobody leaves their house anymore so the only possibility of sex is with somebody else in the same house?

Got to be.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I blame Game of Thrones for making it look sexy

ballsofsteelandfury

I would totally do that if I could figure how in the hell porn companies make money nowadays.

I don’t get it. Foreign distribution?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I think they’re mostly all owned by MindGeek, which owns Pornhub and like every tube site but xvideos and xhamster, and since MG was funded by venture capital it’s all built around the same model as all other social media: ads, subscriptions, and a ton of data mining. It’s funny or cute whenever they do an infographic about how Utahns are porn freaks and southerners are obsessed with being cucked by lex Steele but imagine the amount of data that they actually collect and are able to sell to advertisers and other parties. Of course the whole ad-data mining relationship is a self perpetuating circlejerk of bullshit, but it’s still somehow moving real money around.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So Vons is doing the Monopoly game thing where you collect pieces and if you complete a section you win prizes. I figured out a trick to get behind people in line who are buying a shitload of stuff and if they decline the pieces from the cashier, pipe up “I’ll take them!” You can double or even triple the number of pieces you get, vastly increasing your chances of winning anything.

So far we’ve won nothing!

yeah right

Several years ago I won a roasting pan playing that game. I still have and occasionally use it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I won some Jimmy Dean sausages last year. They were…passable.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Aw, I love my Federacion Alavesa de Pelota pin too!
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litre_cola

Boom. Shame Mitro and the lads are leaving at the end of the season

yeah right

Fucking Cherries.

King Hippo

swap FOAR “Toffees” and I was there last week, though at least was nae at Goodison

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Speaking of “lost in a cloud” does anyone have any particular plans to celebrate 4/20? We are going to get propane and then cash in some recycling!

yeah right

A little clean up, trip to the grocery store and the like.

Tomorrow’s the big day. Both daughters, all 3 granddaughters and son in law. Throwing DOWN in the kitchen.

I turned into my grandmother so gradually that nobody noticed.

Don T

maintain

King Hippo

I would be remiss not to point out that Brighton have a dude named Bong on the pitch.

litre_cola

Yesss braah

rockingdog
rockingdog
yeah right

Happy 420 everyone!

Something symmetrical about 4-20 falling between Kill Jesus Day and Zombie Jesus Day.

Let’s make ham to celebrate!

King Hippo

hey now, Hitler would nae approve of us eating meat ,, smh

litre_cola

Holy shit it is. Well BC Dick and I have am excuse now. Sorry inlaws, rules is rules.

King Hippo

Evertonians waxing poetic about breaking a few legs tomorrow (as United get City mid-week)

King Hippo

There are also moneys on CSKA Sofia, DUH

yeah right

I am currently 5 for 6 in the AFL footy tipping for the week.

Because I didn’t believe in my own fucking team.

Go Dockers! I’m starting to believe.

King Hippo

up in time to see some Cherries pop?

yeah right

Debatable.
The out of bed part.

Still bloody fucking early for us West Coast denizens.

King Hippo

I’d imagine Fulham spunked their load on mah Toffees last week, so you’ll get a stroll in the park.

yeah right

The mighty whities may have some grit in their last 4 games in the big boy league.

It’ll be a fucking draw I’m guessing 2-2.

litre_cola

No, no , no. You dont understand Fulhamish. They will win out which will leave us even angrier.

ballsofsteelandfury

A win today makes it a 3 game series. Totally doable.

King Hippo

Also, an eye gouge to Embiid, please. Who is that sub that Ian don’t like? He can earn some Ian love the hard way.

yeah right

An elbow to the eye socket again. That would get his attention.

Didn’t like that fucking plastic shield much last time.

King Hippo

I’m expecting (and have wagered on) the Trashbirds having a bounce back response at Wolves today.

King Hippo

Let it go
Cash it in
For the creature
On television

King Hippo

Everybody’s sleeping in, getting ready for Crucial Game 4. I get it.

litre_cola

Hi there. I just watched Rajasthan beat Mumbai because I was up.

King Hippo

Being a Dad. We shall sleep when we ded.

King Hippo

PSA: Infinite (Nets) Sadeness is on TNT at 3p today. I plan to have it on in the background, but have to listen to the Mets crew announce #BFIB while I can.

King Hippo

Ederson is surely earning his supper today…

King Hippo

sphincters tightening in Manc-ville

King Hippo

For the uninitiated, “Hey Jude” is the “Seven Nation Army” of Lesser Footy stadium songs.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Bond….Brooklynne Bond.
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scotchnaut

I most certainly did not just take a gander at this “Brook Lynne” character. And even if I did you could not prove it. So there!

King Hippo

Sorry, Kevin the Broom died. Fucking lucky Redshite.

scotchnaut

Seems like the fella is awfully injury-prone.

King Hippo

but who saw the Steinbrenners rallying around the anonymous gay hookup positive anthem YMCA?

Gold, Ian. GOLD!

I make bad decisions…I don’t want to make friends.

One of us! ONE OF US!!!