Latest posts by Horatio Cornblower (see all)
- Holdout At The OK Corral: Your 2019 Dallas Cowboys Preview – August 21, 2019
- A Wrinkle In Time:Your 2019 Kansas City Chiefs A Day Late Because Horatio Screwed Up The Post Time – August 20, 2019
- Horatio’s Dumbass Mock Draft 2.0 & 2019 NFL Draft Open Thread – April 25, 2019
Whether it was setting offensive records, taking advantage of an all-you-can-eat special at Golden Corral or letting their significant others know who’s in charge, the 2018 Kansas City Chiefs were one of the hardest-hitting teams in the NFL. Whither 2019, you ask? Let’s find out!
YOUR 2018 KANSAS CITY CHIEFS
The Chiefs went 12-4, won the AFC West, and advanced to the AFC Finals, where they were a Dee Ford not knowing where the goddamn line of scrimmage was from knocking off the Patriots (if you haven’t already, for god’s sake follow that link and read Maestro’s outstanding work on the Pats preview) and going to their first Super Bowl since Len Dawson was alive.
Upon further review Len Dawson is still with us, at the age of 84, which is like a person who didn’t spend their early years getting body-slammed by enraged mesomorphs reaching 212. Good for you, Len.
At any rate, led by new QB Patrick Mahomes, All-Pro TE and meme-inspiring Travis Kelce, All-Pro WR and garbage human being, (audio division) Tyreek Hill, and All-Pro RB and garbage human being, (video divison), Kareem Hunt, the Chiefs offense seemed to march up and down the field at will, playing an entertaining and high-scoring offensive brand of football. Seriously, look at those scores:
The defense? Well, the defense was on the field. I think. I mean, seriously, look at those scores:
Where did you get that line? And that secondary? And those linebackers? Jeeeeeeesus Christ!
As good as the Chiefs were last year they simply didn’t have the defense to stop teams like the Rams or the Patriots and it cost them. While they certainly threw a scare into the band of Sith-Lords that is the Patriots I think we all knew that, once the Patriots won the OT coin flip, that game was over.
WHAT’S DIFFERENT IN 2019
Kareem Hunt is with the Cleveland Browns, because when you’re caught on videotape kicking a woman who’s down on the ground, even an NFL team will unload you.
They released Justin Huston and Eric Berry, among others, which sounds bad until you take another look at those scores from 2018. They traded Dee Ford, and presumably a measuring tape, to the 49ers for a second-round pick. They picked up Frank Martin, who should fit in real well with the Chiefs, and Emmanuel Ogbah, who will improve the defense if for no other reason that it’s unlikely to be able to get worse. They discovered Damien Williams after being forced to release Hunt.
Having finished next to last in defense last year the Chiefs brought in Steve Spagnulo to coordinate the defense and switch from a 3-4 to a 4-3 defensive scheme, words and numbers that I assume mean something to people that pay attention to such things.
WHAT’S THE SAME IN 2019
Patrick Mahomes is the returning QB. He’s great. Tyreek Hill is, unbelievably, apparently not going to be suspended and will play a full season. Kelce’s still the TE. Andy Reid returns as the head coach.
CHIEFS 2019 OUTLOOK
Looking over their schedule I’ve got them at 11-5. Probably win the AFC West. Get to the AFC finals and then, with Mahomes throwing bombs, Kelce catching passes, Tyreek Hill dodging defenders and indictments, the game will come down to the wire and Coach Reid will