2019 Quotables – Week 2 (Submissions)

blaxabbath

blaxabbath

I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
blaxabbath

Latest posts by blaxabbath (see all)

What do you want me to say here? That I told you so? That 2019 had all the makings of a dog sh*t season and now, like blaxito waking up this morning after managing to undo one of his diaper tabs, NFL viewers are standing in a pile of sh*t — though at least blaxito has the awareness to not pay $200 for a Brown jersey? No, I would never say that.

Anyways, here are your Week 2 Quotables submissions. Don’t spend them all in one place.


Obligatory Defensive Celebration Entry

Robert Kraft celebrates with a hand, identifying the method by which he wants a slave to pleasure his penis to ejaculation for $40 to the slave owner.

Kalen Ballage, shown here ducking a pass, was a sports media favorite at ASU. ASU sucks.

Derek Carr wants out of this Raiders season.

Hippo Feelings, personified

The Carolina Panthers secure a safety against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

#TakeFlight, shards of detached ankle ligament

I would have confused this for a red zone play during the Titans-Colts game had I not noticed this all was happening on the sideline.
blaxabbath
blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
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2019 Quotables – Week 2 (Results) – [DOOR FLIES OPEN]

[…] 2019 Quotables – Week 2 (Submissions) – September 17, 2019 […]

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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The Jets are so bad they can’t even let the Browns Browns themselves

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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And when you keep pounding, eventually the little swimmers come out, and you see, well just don’t pull a Carruth

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Discount Double Check your excitement when you barely beat Trubisky and Capt Dingleberry back to back

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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“Either one of you boys got soft hands and a visa problem?”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Jim Langer’s corpse: /cums

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Anything to avoid the party at blax’s house.

“That’s why I ran for President.” –Donald J. Trump

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Fucking Cody Parkey

BrettFavresColonoscopy

This is what happens when Fat Humps eat Hot Chicken
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Brocky

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Years from now we’re gonna see this gif in court as the plaintiff’s case that the NFL ignored the blatant signs of CTE

Enrico Pallazzo

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“Gentlemen, please, it’s not nice to stare at the lardasses.”

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Hey, it’s Enrico Pallazzo!

nomonkeyfun

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Ric Ocasek wasn’t the only Car to die this weekend.

Don T

🤣🤣🤣

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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LemonJello
LemonJello

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“Carr damage? Uh-oh, better call MAACO!”

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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Jesus, we could do better than that! – Bills Mafia

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

OR

His flight was straight and true like a North Korean missile.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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Kalen – “I saved a fumble!”
Fitz – “But you didn’t catch the ball!”
Kalen – “Exactly”

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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“You put your left foot in
they take your left foot off..”

Game Time Decision

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I thought you said we’d dink and duck our way up field.
You said dunk, damn
-Kalen Ballage

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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Andy Reid’s master plan for Smoked Brisset went awry.

Game Time Decision

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It was on this day that David finally learned that Carr’s don’t fly well.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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He really shouldn’t make fun of Cam’s CTE induced palsy.

Game Time Decision

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Bills Mafia drools and ready’s tables for destruction

Senor Weaselo

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“Ook ook!” (Translation: “Get your hands off me, you damn dirty human!”)

nomonkeyfun

“Let my brethren go.”

-nomonkeyfun

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Well at least he has that librarian job to fall back on.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Great. More Sieman in the library.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Game Time Decision

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♫ ..walk like an Egyptian..♫

nomonkeyfun

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“Ooh, pounded Carrsteaks for dinner.”

-A. Reid

nomonkeyfun

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David wasn’t really into BDSM. He just took the punishment. I seek it out.

Downfield Matriculator
Downfield Matriculator

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/not pictured, Jerry Richardson rubbing the lamp up in the owner’s box

King Hippo

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Good thing he’s not still a Bronco, they probably won’t have to put him down.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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LemonJello
LemonJello

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When do we get to say “So long, and thanks for all the fish?”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Although accounts of it have been lost to history, Garrett was also responsible for the death of the lesser-known “Trevor the Kid”.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Deep cut

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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LemonJello
LemonJello

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“This time, get me TWO masseuses. I want to try something Antonio described to me, but I don’t want to have use my hands.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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“Hey Fitz, check out my Doug Martin impression!”

King Hippo

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Derek Carr And The Infinite Sadness

/yes, this is repurposed LiveBlog commentary, corrected first name because not high

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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King Hippo

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Where are my leftover kidney stone pillz??

LemonJello
LemonJello

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“Seems strange to do this pose again for an ‘anonymous fan’ but with our uniforms on this time.”

Sharkbait

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Put it out guys. We’re a week early for Eli Manning’s funeral pyre.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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“Red … Zone … ? Do those go together?” – Titans

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

In case you missed it in last night’s thread (this was added around 1:30 A.M. PST), OBJ reacting to the ESPN Deportes guy beginning his interview in Spanish.

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With audio: https://thumbs.gfycat.com/KlutzyElatedBlacknorwegianelkhound-mobile.mp4

LemonJello
LemonJello

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“What are we doing? The “Genie in a Bottle” celebration? YMCA? Help us out here, so we can join in!”

theeWeeBabySeamus

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♫ I believe I can fly ♫
Ooops, never mind.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Congratulations to Daniel Jones on being the Giants’ new sacrifice to the gods so the Mara sisters will never have to work in their lives.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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nomonkeyfun

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Kalen thought it would be best to let one of his own go free.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

♪ Born free! As free as a Qardinal! ♪

theeWeeBabySeamus

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If no one but me thought of Safety Dance, I’m going to be very disappointed.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

My first thought was of Christina Aguilera

LemonJello
LemonJello

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“You don’t usually see “the browns” have this kind of success against jets.”
-US SecDef, ad infinitum

theeWeeBabySeamus

Took me a sec, but that is good.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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A little too on-the-nose 9/11 tribute, don’t you think?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

JET FUEL CAN’T MELT SHIT FIELDS!

LemonJello
LemonJello

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“I can’t even watch this gawd-awful team anymore.”

LemonJello
LemonJello

Alternate: “Anybody know where I parked my car?”

Sharkbait

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Ladies and Gentlemen! Your Miami Dolphins!!!!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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nomonkeyfun

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Fucking monkeys can’t play this game right.

nomonkeyfun

There goes my chance to run for President some day, unless I run for today’s Republican party. (Sorry Redshirt. You’re one of the good ones.)

nomonkeyfun

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I haven’t seen Sieman being ejected like that since sexy Friday.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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nomonkeyfun

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This week on the NFL, we give you America: The Origin Story.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Oh that’s pretty good.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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