Happy New Sexy Friday!

I’m telling you, I have a really good feeling about 2017.  I don’t know why, but I am unusually optimistic about this year.  I am ready to leave behind everything that happened in 2016 and move on to something better and brighter.

Already, we have had the return of Sherlock to TV screens with the promise of a movie-theater showing of the season finale. In addition, we just had the return of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia to FX as well as the promised return of Archer sometime in the Spring.  If that doesn’t get you excited for the New Year, I don’t know what will.

Well, I can think of some things.  This is Sexy Friday, after all. Without further ado, here is my tribute to the coming year (phrasing) month by month:

January

I don’t know if you have ski resorts close to you, but we do here in sunny Southern California.  One of these days, I will do the Southern California Daily Double of going skiing in the morning and surfing in the ocean in the afternoon.  Pro tip:  Never do it the other way around!  The snow gets slushy in the afternoon and the more tired you are on the slopes the more likely you’ll fall on your ass and bust your butt.

Who wants to snowboard?!?
Who wants to snowboard?!?
Or are you more a skier?
Or are you more a skier?
I'm more of an après-ski hot tub person myself.
I’m more of an après-ski hot tub person myself.

February

February means Valentine’s Day which is great whether or not you are with someone.  If you have a Significant Other, you can get them to dress up in sexy outfits and do something “special” that night.  For certain couples, “special” equals “anal”.  For those without Significant Others, Valentine’s night is a great night to go out as people depressed over the fact they do not have a Mr. or Mrs. Right will settle for Mr. or Mrs. Right Now.  It’s a wonderful night for one-night stands.  With that in mind, let’s see how much mayhem that day could bring.

That's very nice.
That’s very nice.
Oh, that's nice too.
Oh, that’s nice too.
You know what? The crazier the outfit the better!
You know what? The crazier the outfit the better!

March

March brings St. Patrick’s Day and an appreciation for Irish lasses.  Now, I’m not Irish myself but I have been known to drink a few green beers on this day and a shit-ton of Guinness.  Seriously, I love that beer. With that in mind, please join me in tipping back a few.

If you don't wake up next to her on the 18th, you didn't do St. Patrick's right.
If you don’t wake up next to her on the 18th, you didn’t drink enough.
Sweetie, you have some Guinness in you...oh that's NOT Guinness? Carry on.
Sweetie, you have some Guinness in you…oh that’s NOT Guinness? Carry on.

Oh those Germans!

April

April for us on the West Coast usually means Spring Break.  I know you East Coasters have some colleges get out in March, but all my Spring Break memories took place in April.  So deal with it.  If I remember correctly, a lot of crazy shit happens during Spring Break.

Can't see it, can you Russ?
Can’t even see them, can you Russ?
I see Paris. I see France. I see Uranus.
I see Paris. I see France. I see Uranus.
No need for hot sauce.
No need for hot sauce.

May

May brings us Cinco De Mayo, which is just the Mexican version of St. Patrick’s Day.  Ain’t nothing wrong with that!

Um, I didn't do it.
Um, I didn’t do it.
Seriously, I didn't bring the Corona.
Seriously, I didn’t bring the Corona.
Okay fine! But at least I brought Negra Modelo.
Okay fine! But at least I brought Negra Modelo.

June

And now, an important public service announcement:

https://vimeo.com/11673844

That reminds me.  June is the beginning of SUMMER!  That means getting ready for the beach.  Buying just the right swimsuit is very important.  Allow me to illustrate:

I really need to get the gardener to trim the bushes!  And there are WAY too many leaves on the furniture!  MANUEL!

July

July means Fourth of July which means patriotism.  Nothing says patriotism to me more than ladies wearing American flag bathing suits.

We're all saluting, right?
We’re all saluting, right?
Are you wearing that right? Never mind...
Are you wearing that right? Never mind…
Yup, definitely saluting!
Yup, definitely saluting!

August

August is my birthday month.  Yes, insane ladies that believe in horoscopes, I’m a Leo.  Many of you will have guessed that.  Well, what is the best birthday present a man can get?  Birthday sex! I particularly remember one particular year where it was spectacular.  Like mind-blowing.  I haven’t been able to duplicate it since.  Yet.  In honor of that, I give you what would be awesome to wake up to.

Goooood Morrrniiiing Baaaaallllssss!
Goooood Morrrniiiing Baaaaallllssss!
Sleep well? Yeah, I was up all night.
Sleep well? Yeah me neither. I was up all night.
I told you I like them crazy, right?
I told you I like them crazy, right?

September

September to me means Mexican Independence Day.  Is that a reason to post pictures of hot latinas again?  Is it also an excuse for Mexicans in the US to drink and party like in Cinco de Mayo?

Why Spanish girls? Duh, who do you think Mexico got independence from?
Why Spanish girls? Duh, who do you think Mexico got independence from?
Yo también.
Yo también.  Wait, what?
Bonus: She knows how to handle a pole.
Bonus: She knows how to handle a pole.

October

Oh, October.  Probably next to August my favorite month.  October, of course, means Halloween which means an excuse for girls to dress up in slutty costumes.  An added bonus, of course, is that it brings goth girls more into the spotlight as it becomes “cool” to adopt that look that month.

New Orleans? New Orleans!
New Orleans? New Orleans!
I think Robert Smith would be proud.
I think Robert Smith would be proud.
Now THAT is a Halloween costume!
Now THAT is a Halloween costume!

November

November is Thanksgiving.  Now, you may not think Thanksgiving is very sexy what with relatives, turkey-induced comas, over-eating, and the cold weather approaching.  Obviously, you are doing Thanksgiving wrong.  I celebrate Thanksgiving by giving thanks to the people I love for being there for me all year long.  You know what that means?

Yup.
Yup.
Alex, what do I have?
Alex, what do I have?
Truth.
Truth.

December

December, of course, is Christmas and all the wonderful things it represents.  Good will, happiness, and lots and lots of presents!  And girls in Santa outfits.

Insert yourself here. Literally.
Insert yourself here. Literally.
I found this and I had no choice. It's 102.5 The Bone people!
I found this and I had no choice. It’s 102.5 The Bone people!
Well played.
Well played.

So, that’s the year we have ahead of us.  Pretty damn good, don’t you think?  Let’s see, what else does tWBS do for Sexy Friday?

Oh yeah!

I am also an amateur photographer.  WAAAAYY below tWBS in terms of ability, but I’m getting there.  As they say, practice makes perfect.  Here is an old one I took on a trip to Joshua Tree.  I call it “Don’t Fuck with Me”

imag0149

There may be sports on tonight, but quite frankly I don’t really care.  I’d rather discuss how good this year is going to be and what cool things everyone is planning to do!

What awesome thing are you planning to do this year?  I could tell you mine, but she’d kill me.

Yours in the comments…

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ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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laserguru
laserguru

An appropriate musical companion for Sexy Friday.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-RVJyNpfDk

laserguru

Alright, alright.

I’ve putout some internet interest in maybe improving my relationship status and for some reason I’ve got a lot of hits.

A lot.

I’m not sure how many of these are bots or just trying to make me sign up for a long term plan or am I really that damn sexy.

You know what I think?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yt41qwc5ADA

I am that damn sexy!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I AIN’T CARE; WENDI NIX ESPN IS MILFINATOR HOT.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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laserguru

I like your chances Moose.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

NSFW SCHETER NIPPLES.

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Brocky

night night. go bengals?

laserguru

Sleep well, Brocky.

The Cincinnati Reds report in like 38 days.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
laserguru

So this guy is walking down Bourbon Street and he’s got this jar of fetuses and he asks me “Where do I find the house of Marie Laveau?”

And I say…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ifriiv3DIw8

Unsurprised

“I said fetuses, not … *sigh*”

laserguru

Well hello there good looking!

You’re looking mighty flush with cash this evening.

Can you buy me a drink?

How the fuck are you doing good folks!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvpMeq_4BPM

Unsurprised

Texas isn’t the southwest, goddammit

laserguru

Muy sabrosa Senor Balls!

litre_cola

Evening fellows. How are we?

Had a gentleman at my bar this evening who waited, and waited, and waited for an hour for a woman who did not show. He was mid 20’s and you could see his heart breaking. So Ole Cola, paid for him to have 4 double Makers while he waited and told him to keep his head up and anyone that no shows is a bitch. Called him a cab, paid for that too and sent him on his way. Who knew I could be so nice?

theeWeeBabySeamus

You’re a good man….even if you are a foreigner.

Mr. Ayo

Yeah, we’ve seen this before
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JerBear50

That’s real cool man. Gotta say though, if he tossed back four doubles in an hour, it’s probably a good thing she didn’t show up late.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

MAKERS DICK!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And people wonder how it’s possible for men to hate women so much.

Mr. Ayo

Proper bugle

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck you, it’s a good song. Mary J rocks this shit….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZpDQJnI4OhU

theeWeeBabySeamus

FLIP!!!!!

JerBear50

Warren Haynes does a really cool cover of that. I like his better than U2.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=552MKRGstYc