What is it about me and taints?  I blame Balls and his post concerning analingus (according to Word’s spell-check, I’m misspelling inguinal).  I suppose it’s a pretty important sector of anatomical real estate; I spend enough time keeping the old scrote (now I’m misspelling scooter) springtime fresh, so a little clearance from the balloon knot can only be a good thing.  Ladies…I’m not even going to think about it.

So, do I have everyone’s appetite all fired up?  I know mine is, but nothing phases me when I’m hungry.  I could eat a pulled pork sandwich while clearing out Jeffery Dahmer’s guest bathroom, especially if I missed breakfast.  Actually, the gist of the title is about the timing of today’s menu item – soup.  It’s 90+ degrees outside I’m I plan on making nice, hot fucking soup.  I just finished mowing my backyard and I think I made enough cheese in my boxers to open a pizzeria, and a bowl of soup is the last thing on my mind.  But I have a pile of Polish sausage to use up and I’ve done more than enough grilling episodes, and this particular soup takes me back to my childhood.  We’re talking potato soup here campers, and this shit goes together fast and feeds a lot, so crank up the A/C and let’s get started.

See how nice and orderly my display is?  Hope you all appreciate the whole minute it took to fabricate this mess.

Here’s the specifics:

6 Spuds, 3 Russets and 3 Yukon Gold (if available).

Some bacon and Polish sausage.

2 ribs celery, sliced.

2 fat carrots, peeled and diced.

One big shallot, another of garlic.

2 cups frozen corn.

Cup and 1/2 low sodium chicken broth, another of milk.

3/4 cup shredded cheese.

Salt and pepper, of course.

Diced up the aromatics like so, save the taters for later.  Cut them up too soon and they get all brown:

You need to spend a buck or two on certain specific kitchen implements if you want to get at all serious about cooking.  A good 9 inch knife, a high-end frying pan, and a cast iron Dutch oven for starters.  I got an enameled 4 quart sucker made by Dutch that I see on America’s Test Kitchen all the time.  I love this thing as it works great in the oven as well as the stove top.  Looks like this:

Dice up about 6 rashers, yes…that’s what a slice of bacon is called, of bacon and toss into the pot over high heat.  Keep it moving to render out the fat.  Once the bacon is getting crispy, cut the heat back and add the true star of the show.  This being potato soup you might be thinking tubers, but not this time.  As far as I’m concerned this is all about the sausage.

There, beat you to it bitches.  Many recipes call for smoked sausage, but that’s blasphemy to my lineage.  As far as I’m concerned, Polish sausage is the only way to go here.  For one thing, typical American smoked sausage is really heavy on the smoke and can overpower the dish, so the touch of smokiness from the bacon does the job sufficiently and works perfectly with the kielbasa.  Slice up about 5 links of the good stuff and add to the pot:

Get some color on the sausage, then scoop all the meat out with a slotted spoon, keeping the fat behind.  If there is a lot of stuff stuck to the pan, deglaze with a shot of beer or white wine to loosen it up.  This is called fond and it’s good stuff.

Aromatics?!?!  INTO THE POOL!!!

Keep this going over medium-low heat, just a bare sizzle, then add a tiny pinch of salt.  Now’s a good time to peel, wash and dice the potatoes, just keep an eye on the veggies.  Dice the potatoes to the size of…well…dice.  When the shallots are soft, put the garlic through a press and add with the corn.  It’s OK if the corn is still a bit frozen, it will thaw quickly.  Stir that around for a few minutes then add the potatoes and chicken broth.  The liquid should almost cover the spuds:

Cover and let this simmer for 15-20 minutes.  The potatoes should be just barely cooked but not mushy yet.  Warm the milk up a bit in the microwave and pour that in.  Whole milk is a little heavy for me, I like 2% for this.  Forget about skim, it’s useless white water as far as cooking is concerned.

If you like your soup chunky, skip this step.  I like mine a little smoother and thicker, so I get a bit mid-evil with a masher to break the bigger chunks of potato down.  Like everything else in life, keep at it until you’re happy with the results:

We need another thickener that will add some richness as well, for that we add the cheese.  Shredded cheddar is good, but I had a Mexican blend left over from fajita night so I used that.  Stir that in and add the piece de’ resistance, however the fuck you spell that:

Remember this?  The paper towel is there so the bacon doesn’t get all soggy.  Dump this back in and stir away.  Let it return to a bare simmer and taste for salt and pepper.  Add as necessary, I always grind in plenty of pepper because I love that shit.

The sharp eyed few of you that aren’t already sloshed or stoned might have noticed that those weren’t Yukon Gold potatoes in the first picture.  Oddly enough, my Uber-Mart didn’t have any at the time, maybe it’s a seasonal thing.  There’s a few hippy markets nearby that might have some, but they aren’t open at 11:45 PM and I need to buy beer before midnight so I’ll have to make do with the white potatoes that were available.  All russets would be OK, but the waxiness of other varietals adds body to the final product.  Use what you can get.

Stir in a fat pinch of parsley, fresh of you have it or dried if you don’t, then serve.  A spoonful of sour cream (not shown) in the center of the bowl is a nice addition.

Well gang, you know what they say about all good things.  This was a lot of fun and I hope you enjoyed the information as well as my rather twisted sense of humor.  I love this site because it’s one of the few places where my warped sensibilities seem at home; which is the same as saying that you fuckers are crazy.  I can’t speak for the other posters, but this takes me a lot of time and my current work schedule doesn’t allow for that, so I gotta take a break.  It doesn’t help that I type like a Marine…search for it and land on it.  I’m also running out of ideas and don’t want to tread on Yeah Right’s well-earned turf, so this is my last weekly post.  I’ll still submit something down the road, I enjoy this too much to go cold turkey, but not every week.  Hope you liked this…and fuck the Patriots.

Bye for now…