Your “Multiple Games = Multiple Disappointments” Thursday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL Notes:

  • The pre-season schedule begins in earnest tonight, with 7 games, “highlighted” by a game of musical QB chairs in Chicago between the Bears & Broncos.
    • Elway could come out of the box & be as effective. Hell – mid-stroke Kubiak would be better than most of what we’ll see tonight.
  • Ooh – look who’s friends again?!
    • The Dongslinger was speaking at a Green Bay charity dinner, and had a fair bit to say – positively – about #12 and his desire to keep playing until he’s 40 & for the Packers.
      • I’m sure no teeth were ground about how that’s what someone else wanted too, but the team totes let that unknown person down, so then he was all “Jets 4 Life!” before **record scratch** “LOLs – Vikings, bitches!”
  • Speaking of the Packers have decided to call one of their defensive packages “Nitro”, which will allow Clay Matthews more freedom to hunt his targets. I can’t wait to see the others, especially, “Gemini”, “Blaze” and “Lazer”.

  

      The resemblance is uncanny.

  • In an ultimate show of pointlessness, the Rams & Chargers held a joint practice where – SURPRISE! – fights broke out.
    • But, GRIT!

Finally, talk of “collusion” in the Kaepernick unemployment saga is getting louder. Forbes is the latest mainstream outlet to question why no one has hired someone with better 2016 numbers than 3/4 of the free agent signings at that position. CBS has an article on its sports website detailing the various theories behind who is doing what to keep Kaep benched.

  • The change.org petition threatening to boycott the NFL over this has reached 130,000 “signatures”.
    • Mind you, the petition to force Trump to release his tax returns has over 439,000 signatures, and I believe he totally did.
      • So I’m sure Roger Goodell is quaking in his Oxfords over this one.
  • Bleacher Report says that #2 on the Dolphins wish list was Christian Ponder. Kaepernick wasn’t even an option.
  • It’s gotten to the point that even lickspittles like Florio are noticing the changes in verbiage Roger Goodell is using when asked the inevitable questions at every presser.
    • Prior to August, his tone was about how each organization does what they can to “improve their team”.
    • This month, the tone now is about decisions are about “what’s in the best interest of their team”.

Any real noise will be made during the regular season, when – not if – someone high-profile goes down and Kaep doesn’t get a call.


So, a box was delivered to my door yesterday afternoon.

SQUEE! It actually means the season is actually almost here.

It contained the usual minimalist provisions for a >10 year season ticket holder:

Still, it’s nice to see what my $2350 CDN gets me:

  • two ticket books
  • a fan guide / new stadium rules guidebook
  • a team portrait in a delightful tube the puppy will enjoy chewing on.

One possible improvement spotted in the fan guide: the Seahawks have apparently brought the food & beverage operations in-house.

Hopefully, this means fewer cold hot-offerings, and an actual way to complain – versus the old response of “Charity volunteers.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  LOL!” I’m just hoping they keep the delicious beer selections they introduced last season, to offset the #UpForEverything taps at every station.


Game preview: Broncos at Bears

Oof. If you thought last night’s QB feeling out / discovery process was rough, tonight is going to be probably more painful. The Broncos starting three of

  • Trevor Siemian,
  • Paxton Lynch &
  • Chad “Not Jim” Kelly

look like Staubach & Grogan (or Elway & Kubiak) compared to the Bears tranquilizing threesome of

  • Mike Glennon
  • Mark Sanchez
  • Mitch Trubisky

The best receiver on both teams could end up being some kid in the fourth row of the end zone, who will no doubt be the beneficiary of some hilarious overthrows.

Although neither team’s fan site wanted to really pump the tires on this game, I’m still thanking the Mile High Report & the Windy City Gridiron for sharing their paucity of interest in this game.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NFL:
    • Broncos at Bears – 8:00PM | NFL Network
  • CFL:
    • Eskimos vs. Redblacks – 7:30PM | TSN
  • Baseball:
    • MLB:
      • Yankees at Blue Jays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Little League Baseball:
      • Mid-Atlantic Regional semifinal – 7:00PM | ESPN
      • West Regional semifinal – 9:00PM | ESPN

I think – and this is just me – it might be preferable to view tonight not as Broncos versus Bears, but as Coors versus Goose Island. WHO YA DRINKIN’?!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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King Hippo
Member

one wonders if it is too late for them to reverse course and fire John Fox

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Buddy in Chicago told me the Score pregame was saying all they wanted out of Trubisky tonight was “clean snaps.” Can’t even get that with Glennon. Or Virginia McCaskey’s bowel movements.

King Hippo
Member

oh, I like this FF name:

Virginia McCaskey’s bowel movements

Still looking for auction league victim…. I mean new owners, Labour Day morning in Northern Virginia

Redshirt
Member

2017 Chicago Bears Theme Song

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

D’OH BEARS!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

THE BEARISTOCRATS!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Member
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Glennon moving around in the pocket looks like a drunk 7′ toddler.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Member
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

That comment was made before that play happened

King Hippo
Member

you see ded giraffes

King Hippo
Member

womp womp

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Unrelated, why does Horatio get a gold star on his avatar? I was told those would be for my people during a Trump Administration.

Doktor Zymm
Member

So, just starting to finally play Fallout 4. What’s with all the bathtubs in random spots in the woods?

Brocky
Member
Brocky

remember the house i grew up in,was right on the edge of about 15 acres, and I knew most of them like the back of my hand, and there were 3 seperate bathtubs in seperate spots.

we never figured it out either

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

They’re left over from all those dick pill ads of the 2010’s.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

Man…I love Fallout, but I swear to god, the newer games, the writing is fucking moronic at times.

Like FO3, the Dad leaves his son in the vault, with a vault overseer that is so fucking paranoid that he sits in on his daughter’s medical exams…and the Dad expects his son not to you know…be fucking killed or something.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Trying to give their more hygenically-challenged users a hint.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

(Walks in wearing lens-less glasses and fake plastic nose)
You guys watching this Dota2 tournament? Some crazy game goin on right now.
(Walks out takes off disguise, walks back in)
You guys see that nerd? What a nerd, probably talking about nerdy things.

Redshirt
Member

Actually he was a charming person, geek.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twitch_Plays_Pok%C3%A9mon

So there was this social experiment, where a twitch stream audience played Pokemon.

Why haven’t the Cleveland Browns tried this as a GM? Statistically…it has result in a better performance than what they have done thus far.

And cheaper too!

Senor Weaselo
Member

HELIX FOSSIL FOR GM, PRAISE HIM
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Doktor Zymm
Member

People are resistant to AI taking their jobs. Case in point : THE ENTIRE TSA

King Hippo
Member

And that is the Denver offense. Hope for enough penalties to get into McManus range. Unless you can get a Pick Six.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Hippo, did you accept my $5 wager from last night that my Bears would lose?

Doktor Zymm
Member

Y’all betting on preseason games? Do we need to stage an intervention?

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Just one intervention?

Doktor Zymm
Member

We could probably get a group rate

King Hippo
Member

Nein! I should have, just for the reverse mojo.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

Exciting news folks. I was just contacted by the Jets organization and learned that I am the 4th receiver option. So if anyone goes down this preseason, I got to drive up and suit up.

Senor Weaselo
Member

You’re only the 4th receiver? Slacker.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

They won’t pay for a flight but they wiil reimburse you for mileage.

King Hippo
Member

if you take the train, Woody Johnson will cut you for being a Communist

King Hippo
Member

There have been like 70 yards of penalties on the Bears in less than 6 minutes of play.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Member
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Hey! We have also thrown a pick. Don’t leave that out.

King Hippo
Member

That isn’t embarrassing enough to point out. Chris Harris does that to lots of teams.

Senor Weaselo
Member

Hail Bleergh!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Someone needs to tell them they have to wait until the regular season if they are hoping to break the Raiders’ record.

Redshirt
Member

Hey, I found the Freezer Bowl on YouTube! Sadly this is the first time in my life I ever saw the Bengals win in the playoffs and its on video.

King Hippo
Member

I can (just barely) remember that one! Twas bananas. Dan Fouts’ best chance, ruined by God.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

I love how the Bears can get a sack on first down but still give UP the first down.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Member
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

You expect them to stop a 3rd and 11? Madness

King Hippo
Member

I mean, it’s TREVOR SIEMIAN. You can only hope to contain him so long.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Am I the only one who gets teh Hippo?
That’s funny as hell.

Jerry Was A Shogun Named Marcus
Member

I’m here.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Member
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

The announcers on my stream of the Bears game got shut off for like 3 minutes. I want the technical difficulties back.

King Hippo
Member

Don’t want to get too far ahead of my skis here, but the Bears just might be a value-size tub of shit.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

BANNER

scotchnaut
Member

This year you can find them in almost every Sam’s Club.

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

Shan’klor makes it’s first appearance!

King Hippo
Member

which fixture? And is Pre-season RedZone on tonight?

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

New England, and no idea. Streaming on my phone before I GTFO

scotchnaut
Member

Let me guess. You’re only streaming on one phone? C’Mon Man!

King Hippo
Member

Cohen don’t look very Druish ,, imo godbless

scotchnaut
Member

[low chant from Soldier Field]

“Truth Biscuit. Truth Biscuit. Truth Biscuit.”

King Hippo
Member

oh please please please v. Denver’s 1s

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

[immediately signs contract to appear as spokesman for T-Mobile]

– Mark Chmura

/only makes sense if you just saw the ad.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

THIS GUY MIKE GLENNON I CALL HIM CAM NEWTON CAUSE TWO DIFFERENT DEFENSIVE LINEMEN HIT HIM RIGHT IN THE FACE AND THE REFS COMPLETELY IGNORED IT.

King Hippo
Member

He’s not even…uppity

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

SUPER BEARS SUPER BOWL

Redshirt
Member

I see Glennon is in mid-season form.

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

Putting his neck on the line already?

King Hippo
Member

WOO!!!!! Chris HarrisDOWN!!!!!!!!!!!

King Hippo
Member

yay, not Rahim Moore at safety!!

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

Wait. When the fuck did Big Bang Theory get a spinoff??

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

There’s very little agreement among physicists as to exactly when it happened, but the general consensus is that the Big Bang Theory sucks.

King Hippo
Member

again, TOO SOON

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

Im sure middle america is just gonna fall in love with snarky atheist mini sheldon

King Hippo
Member

In a just world, the sterilization vans would track the DVR settings.

scotchnaut
Member

Jags up on the Jagwads 3-0.

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

Lesser Gronkowski did a thing!

scotchnaut
Member

/Bills hit a long field goal

You know, I think this team is finally turning things around.

King Hippo
Member

They signed Hauschka, didn’t they? He’s the best pre-dental NC State alumnus on the board, every year. Always reminds me of that elf in that fucking cartoon that wanted to be a dentist instead of Santa’s slave.

In Buffalo, maybe I can has him for $1.

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

Hauschka went to an outdoor stadium in a city known for nothing else but, “It’s cold?”

That, my friends, is a recipe for true comedy gold.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Okay, I have to admit the Dollar Shave Club commercial where the guy spots his wife in the background taking a shower made me laugh.

King Hippo
Member

You want to know “needs to re-think priorities?” I went on Amazon and bought a new Donks shirt for tonight. Orange long-sleeve “Superb Owl LI Champions” official and everything.

Wait long enough, and be willing to wear orange, you can do that for under $10 w/ Prime shipping.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

“What’s this about wearing orange?”

– Paul Manafort

King Hippo
Member

Seriously, that guy had better flip before he gets whacked. I can’t believe how fucking stupid he is.

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

Putin, Ukrane and Trump definitely want him dead.

King Hippo
Member

perhaps he just never leaves the house, opens any mail, nor eats

scotchnaut
Member

Ryan Mallett is not a starting QB.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

“At least he’s white”
-NFL GMs who refused to sign Kap

King Hippo
Member

Unless heavy methamphetamine use is a league entry requirement.

scotchnaut
Member

“I like the cut of your jib.”

-Ryan Leaf

Redshirt
Member

Baltimore has enough healthy players to field a team?

King Hippo
Member

Define “players”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

If “The Wire” taught me anything it’s that pretty much everyone in Baltimore is “in the game”.

King Hippo
Member

this is excellent material

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Jacksonville punting? Hah! You see some of the strangest things during preseason.

Redshirt
Member
Redshirt
Member

Say what you want about baseball at least they do some cool stuff at times like special jersey, all players honoring Jackie Robinson by wearing #42, and having a weekend where the players can wear a different name instead of their surname.

http://www.cincinnati.com/story/sports/mlb/reds/2017/08/10/bar-microwave-explaining-and-other-reds-nicknames/554954001/

In football news, the NFL has fined the Cincinnati Bengals $2.5 million and forfeited a 4th round selection because Andy Dalton’s Captain’s C in a 2012 Week 13 game was discovered to be Pantone PMS 165 C instead of the approved Pantone PMS 1655 C.

scotchnaut
Member

Baseball is good that way.

/hates baseball

scotchnaut
Member

I wish the best for Salsa Cruz but he’s just not the guy he once was.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

The original had a fatal flaw, so I went ahead and fixed the glitch. I know the quotation mark is wrong. Fuck you. Fix it yourself.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

I’m streaming a preseason NFL game at my desk while trying to finish work.

I need to reevaluate my life choices.

King Hippo
Member

yeah, why are you still at work?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

I would think it would help you focus by not being interesting or compelling in any way.

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

That’s gonna be me in about 3 minutes.

scotchnaut
Member

Yeah, you should be streaming two games.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

I’m kind of surprised that Mohammed Sanu is still allowed to be in this country.

scotchnaut
Member

Immigration officials haven’t been able to locate a pic of the guy in order to identify him.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

“I remember the time I thought *I* had located a pick…”

– Raheem Moore

King Hippo
Member

“TOO SOON”

– Every Donks fan worldwide

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

FUCK YOU FALCONS YOU CHOKING PIECES OF SHIT!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Oh, sorry, didn’t mean to get ahead of myself. I meant to save that sentiment for the preview.

scotchnaut
Member

Tonight, the journey begins for Mitch “The Truth Biscuit” Trubisky.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Ooh you just did a great job of teasing tomorrow’s Request Line.

scotchnaut
Member

Cool. [begins thinking of song titles with ‘Truth”, “Biscuit” and “Trubisky” in the title]

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

[cues up twenty consecutive Disco Biscuits songs]

– phisherman

/hey what ever happened to that guy?

King Hippo
Member

/begins giggling in anticipation

Redshirt
Member

Somehow a small mini-feud has broken out between Bengals Backup QB and Perpetual Trade Bait A.J. McCarron and Chargers Backup QB and Eternal Buckeye Hero Cardale Jones over sushi of all things.

No matter who wins this feud, we all lose on this one.

King Hippo
Member

This should, in all seriousness, summon Vince Lombardi from his grave.

Jerry Was A Shogun Named Marcus
Member

I think I got this. Let us pray.

Jerry Was A Shogun Named Marcus
Member

YOU DICKSPITTLES AREN’T WORTH MY TRIBUTES!

scotchnaut
Member

Seriously, this version of the NFL needs more spittle.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Dolphins #2 draft pick appears to have gotten hurt on his very first play on the field.

Redshirt
Member
scotchnaut
Member

Running over those hash marks on the field is a bitch.

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

You are correct.

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

Preseason footbaw> ATP Tennis

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