The Greatest of HippoShame (and Early Footy Thread)

King Hippo - October 1, 2022September 29, 2022

217

I don't know how to soften the blow, so I will just rip the bandages off. With great sadness and mental anguish, Hippo is no longer a BlackBerry user. Tried everything I could. Got a replacement device off New Egg, but it would only text and gmail (AT&T wouldn't support it

Partially Lesser and Fully (Early) JV Thread

King Hippo - September 17, 2022September 15, 2022

167

Well, the stupid Queen is still fucking ded. I still don't care, apart from this weekend's schedule being at least less fucked up (though note that "fashionable" Sky Six sides Chelski, Men Untied, and Filthy Redshite all get the weekend off after their European travels). Partial fuckery beats full fuckery. No

“European Hangover?” EPL and Early JV Thread

King Hippo - September 10, 2022September 9, 2022

126

The Qatar Slave LaboUr Cup has messed with footy's schedule, and we got Shempions action in the first week of September (and before any international break). Perhaps this will cause a little heartburn for the European contestants, or we won't notice at all. Anyway, none of this is Thomas Tuchel, who

Prem Heating Up – Saturday Open Thread

King Hippo - August 20, 2022August 19, 2022

Even beyond the deliciousness of Men Untied and the Redshite entering their Up Own Rectums Derby having secured a total of 2 points from a possible 12 - the League is full of storylines, even by its own standards. I get the sense we will have a very entertaining season of

Cracker Island Celebration! Lesser Footy Week teh Second

King Hippo - August 13, 2022August 13, 2022

102

Man, I have been enjoying the fuck out of this new Gorillaz jam on SiriusXMU (and not just because of the hilarious title): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S03T47hapAc Back to bidness, NBC's "hostage taking FOAR Peacock" thankfully only lasted one week. We get a normal teevee slate, led off by Very Disappointing Everton away to assdick Slippy

2022-23 Lesser Footy – Oh We Back, Y’all

King Hippo - August 6, 2022August 4, 2022

153

Let's face it, Clubhouse footed ball enthusiasts. Most of our dreemz is ded already, but the beauty of Week One is we don't know FOR CERTAIN or how they'll go about dying. So, we giddy-up with NBC, USA, and Peacock Premium and WE FOOKIN' RIDE again. Friday Night Footy gave us a

Buttholes Extra Puckered Lesser Footy Open Thread

King Hippo - May 7, 2022May 5, 2022

I am writing this on Thursday, 5 May - since I will be away from my 'puter almost all of Friday. Thank fuck Everton aren't playing. I am tense enough as is. Oldest HippoSpawn graduates university. I am proud of her, so I will go. I will make no emotional displays,

Hippo’s Mid-week Waking Nightmare (part el tres)

King Hippo - April 20, 2022April 20, 2022

Please to keep your hands inside the car at all times. You don't want to acquire the nickname "Stumpy." (this opener accompanied a winner, and I am superstitious as fuck) As during the last two Bitter Blue torture sessions, I will add my instant reactions as the match progresses (with time

Half-Schedule Weekend – Lesser Footy Open Thread

King Hippo - April 16, 2022April 15, 2022

124

This is the part of the Lesser schedule when the cup ties start flying fast and furious, and with MOAR at stake. You saw a truly heroic effort by rockingdog's Chelski squadron mid-week, but the Real Cuntfaces got off the mat and advanced. Kings of Shithousery Atleti (meant mostly as

Welcome BACK To Hippo’s Nightmare Live Blogging

King Hippo - April 9, 2022April 9, 2022

150

Please to keep your hands inside the car at all times. You don't want to acquire the nickname "Stumpy." As during mid-week's torture session, I will add my instant reactions as the match progresses (with time stamps) in the body of the post. I used to regularly live blog NC State

Saturday Early Lesser Footy y Hoopsball

King Hippo - March 19, 2022March 18, 2022

128

There is only one Prem fixture this morning, Arsenal/Villa (8:30, USA). The King's Afrikan Water Pistols are playfully spraying their way into next season's Shempions League, but as they say in Footy Manager speak "there can be no letup." Villa are a pesky lot, so this might be worth a

Spring Sort of Sprung – Saturday Open Thread

King Hippo - March 12, 2022March 11, 2022

109

Much to my surprise, the assdick MLB ownership cabal finally made a reasonable offer and we'll have el beisbol after all. Hooray, I guess? I mostly ignored it last season, and suspect I will again. Aside from making many, many of my patented #BFIB taeks/jokes. It's also tournament time, making college