Welcome back to another posting of The Jalen Ramsey Show where safety help means weakness. We’re here today to talk about your life and your money. Open lines at 818-338-0011. The call is free and some say the advice is exactly what you pay for it! We start today out in Houston, Texas on line one with Janice. Welcome to The Jalen Ramsey Show, Janice.

Weeerrr ahhhhh hello there Jalen. Thank you taking my call. How are you doing today?

Better than the Jaguars under Tom Coughlin. How can I help?

Oh Jalen. Such a nice young man to helping others on the radio. Bless you, young man, for standing up and doing the work of the Lord.

Well, thank you Janice. As Proverbs tells us, “Know well the condition of your flocks, and give attention to your herds.” I like to think it well-applies to the reason for taking these calls.

Hmmm…must be the recent spring air here but I don’t quite recall that passage. Such are the challenges of being older and, of course, strongly with Faith. But oh my poor boy…oh Jalen…oh we need your help.

What’s the reason for your call today?

Oh its Deshaun! Oh that poor young man! He messed with the bull and got the horns! Oh poor child! Oh Jalen! How can I help him? I NEVER would have told them to bring to light all these…these…oh now I can’t even say it. The harassments claims. You know the ones.

I am familiar. Saw he’s up to, what, 22 civil lawsuits now?

Should have been 25 but I’ll check with Cal and Jack. Ohhhh! But Jalen! Bless his poor heart I never wanted it to be this bad for him. Oh you must believe me, Jalen! I’m just a little old lady! Oh it’s my late Robert! He ran the team! I wanted to run the charity. I want to HELP people. But that Cal is just so much like his father. And that Deshaun did say some pretty inappropriate and untrue things about the team. So why shouldn’t the team invest a few bucks to say a few inappropriate things about him? Why should my poor son have to negotiate on his level with such a….a MONKEY style of negotiations?

Oh.

Jalen. Jalen. Listen to me, Jalen. I’m a breast cancer survivor. All I’ve ever wanted was to help the community of Houston and win this great town a Super Bowl. Oh Jalen! Why is that so wrong?! I’ve never been about the money. That was Bob! He couldn’t help that he was so savvy at business. We so wanted what is best for young Deshaun but, I’m sorry, that young man just has to learn his place.

His place? As a young man who needs to show women proper respect? I mean, you’re personal friends with the attorney bringing forth all the suits; I mean, it seems like the Texans organization is doing nothing to help this young man.

Well, how much is he helping the Texans by demanding a trade?

I…..didn’t you call because you wanted to help him?

He needs to learn to help himself, Jalen. Cal is a brilliant young tactician and our close relationship with attorney Buzbee means legal challenges are nothing of the sort for people like us. I just….why can’t Deshaun see this, Jalen? Why can’t he back down and let this end? Why can’t he just shut up and throw the football? You know there is actually a criminal investigation now? Oh this is so out of hand, Jalen! Someone could get hurt here!

Well, I mean, it’s good that you are looking out for the young man but if he hurt these women —

Oh Deshaun would never hurt a fly! Frankly, I’m a little fearful that he’s one of those homosexuals but many young players dress all gayish anymore so who knows. Now Drew Brees, there’s a heterosexual NFL quarterback. Loves his kids. Loves his wife. Loves President Trump. All the things that we were just reminded that make our foundation of Faith this Easter season.

Not sure there is much to be said at this point. Ummm…all in all, this matter just does not effect you. Either way it looks like Deshaun won’t be starting for you this year so I’d suggest you start pumping Tyrod Taylor full of whatever concoction is keeping your flesh from decomposing and see if that zombied-up bastard is good to go or if you need to get a QB in the draft.

Well, if you aren’t going to help me then I sure hope similar accusations don’t come up against you.

Yeah well handies don’t do anything for me but, more importantly, I keep my shit straight. But good luck. Here’s hoping we can find some sense of sanity or humanity on line two where we are taking it out to Nevada with Richie in Las Vegas. Richie, welcome to The Jalen Ramsey Show.

HEEEEYYYYYYYYYYY Jalen!

Would like to get to it as quickly as you can there, Richie.

So these assholes, man. Well, let me go back here. Just signed for another $1.2 million to stay in Vegas for another year. I was on the fence about making the deal because of where I live here but, whatever, I inked the deal. But now things are opening up and stuff so I’m just like…I don’t know how to deal with these people.

You just got a million dollars. Move.

Man, Jalen, after the career I’ve had you couldn’t pay enough to pick up my shit and move again. Especially within city limits? Sure, when I’m done with the NFL and my non-OANN broadcasts days are dead before they ever begin, I’ll pack her all up and head back to Nebraska and maybe finish my degree or whatever; fight MMA, I dunno. Point is, I’m not interested in moving and, seemingly, neither are these people.

Sounds like the life’s story of an NFL lineman.

Seriously Jalen, it’s bad. These people are crazy. They’re up all hours. They’ve got no real jobs; just kind of always working on stuff and somehow having money on Fridays but I couldn’t tell you how the two are linked. I’m not sure if it’s PC to say or whatever and I’d hate to get cancel cultured but, Jalen, my neighbors are white trash, bro. Loud, stupid, angry, losers who seem to exist only to be a pain in my side. They see me turn off the lights in my trailer and they turn up the volume on Hannity. I clean up my lot; they hack their weeds and let the trimmings blow all over my land. It’s frustrating and constant, Jalen.

Why do you live in a trailer?

What’s wrong with a trailer? I like that it’s very minimal, cheap, and performs quite well in this climate. And I’ve met a lot of great people here in the park who share my views on bullying and funeral homes. But it’s just like, what can I do about these shitrats, Jalen? I’ve tried winning them with kindness. I’ve tried calling the cops on the noise complaints. I’ve offered to buy them out of their lot fees and relocate them. Every attempt I make to use my plentiful resources to fine a win-win, these pricks just dig in deeper, it seems.

Well they’re white trash, like you said. You know, Richie, James Baldwin told us —

Ah yes, James Baldwin.

Right. Baldwin wrote that ‘ the most dangerous creation of any society is the man who has nothing to lose.’ That sure sounds like you neighbor now, doesn’t it. A low ceiling and a sturdy floor, attempting to stop him with your wealth is like using a grenade launcher on a fly.

Maybe the Moonraker Laser, Jalen. When I play Golden Eye, I got precision with the grenade launcher that makes the sniper rifle look like a Klobb.

Point is this, financial battles only work against like competitors. You’ve got the resources to go after him but he’s living in a way where he’s basically untouchable to you, right? And even if you were to spend the effort to nail him, I’m one-hundred percent sure you’d be seen as nothing more than petty.

So I need to go even bigger?

You need to go home. Get out of that trailer park and move. It’s not because you need to get away from these people now — it’s because you never should have moved in there in the first place. It’s a bitch, I know, but it’s ripping off the band-aid instead of dealing with this annoyance in perpetuity. Once you’re free, double-down on your efforts supporting republican candidates because the best way to hurt these people is to lower their floor. Cut the programs that allow them the comfort of their squalor. Eliminate subsidies and protections for him that prevent you from buying the park and putting him out on his ass immediately. That’s your vehicle for harming this guy. Though, to be honest, you’ll probably just move out and move on with your life.

I think I need to buy a handgun.

Also a good option. For those of you at home, we talk a lot about financial wellness and security around here but never forget that you can’t just buy your way out of everything. We’re all in this world together and I’m here to help you get ahead — but only you can make yourself a winner.

So that’s it for today. More great calls from some of the best callers. We’re reminding you all, once again, to get your vaccine, sit tight, mask up, and we’ll see you next time, right here, on The Jalen Ramsey Show.