Old School Zero
Ex-Chargers fan in Portland. Sorry about your carpet.
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This was so prescient it’s scary. A line I’m hoping to shoehorn into my Jake Locker series:

THIS GUY TRENT RICHARDSON I CALL HIM GUMSHOE BECAUSE HE RUNS LIKE HIS FEET ARE LITERALLY STUCK TO THE FLOOR.