The story you are about to witness is true.

The names have not actually been changed because they are not actually names of the persons involved and no names are actually named.

Our story begins with the Gawker kerfluffle.

There was plenty of stupid to go around in that clusterfuck, and UPROXX posted a story about it delineating the various stupidities. Off I went to register my completely pointless opinion on a situation that did not impact me in any way.

Originally, I wrote this: “Fuck those assholes for putting up a hit piece on a rival publisher and fuck those other assholes for not having the balls to leave it up.”

I looked at it and thought: “Gee, that looks a little harsh. Better change the ‘fucks’ to ‘screws.’” So I did.

Then I thought: “Since when have I given a fuck about harsh?”

16 tonnes later I was coming to grips with the fact that I had edited myself in order not to piss off the new overlord. I had compromised where no compromise should ever be possible.

I resolved never, EVER to let that fucker, that coward, that worthless fucking sell-out heap of syphilitic troglodyte feces influence anything I said ever again.

I knew there was no way I was going to make it, and I almost went out of my way to get banned.

I can’t say I’m disappointed that pretty much everybody who mattered is here now and making this place so fantastic so fast, but I am sick to death that those fuckwits killed KSK.

We’ve got some Ape-sized shoes to fill, my lovelies.

There’s work to be done.