What Week One surprises will turn into bonafide trends? What will fall into the vapor as if they were mere pre-season fixtures, or mad ether hallucinations? Hack, cough, Jaguras competence. READ ON!
Yeah, the fucking asswipe P*ts came out firing, and buried the hapless Aints alive. Gronk may be ded again,
The terribleness is at least mildly abated, as we have professional football once again. And the people said "amen." Except for Bengals and Humps fans. Sweet Baby Jeebus, that was brutal.
Or really, let's start with the Savage Garden. Unsurprisingly, Clemson's Deshaun Watson was deemed not quite ready to start right
Unfortunately for the portly folk of greater Wisconsin, the Superb Owl was not in fact played last weekend. THIS weekend, Green Bay put on a veritable clinic in how to not FOOTBAW, especially on defense. They might as well not brought one of those.
It's high time to give
Yes, folks, it's the very last one of these we have left as a free republic. Four MORE days until we'uns a client state of the Kremlin, thanks to racists and dipshits and woman/gay haters, etc.
Hey, at least we had two close games yesterday, and one of 'em was
I saw no need FOAR a special Sunday morning edition, and hoped that Day Two would bring a marked improvement.
Shit in one hand, hope in the other, and see which gets full first.
Yinzburgh beat the absolute tar shit out of Miami, to nobody's surprise. Antonio Brown and Le'Veon Bell
2016, the year of many unspeakable things, is dead. And with it NFL regulation time. As one can see, the conferences have neatly cleaved into intriguing/watchable (NFC) and abhorrent dumpster fire (AFC).
Let's get the bad shit out of the way first. The P*ts unsurprisingly whipped the "give
Holy crap, NFL Network's decision to turn a mild Christmas Sunday afternoon into Thursday Night magically transformed its usual fetid product, on a scale not unlike the virgin birth. After a lackluster first half that saw the Ratbirds dominate the balance of play (after Yinzburgh's opening drive) but trail
Holy fuck, that was an intense Christmas Eve afternoon, eh? Makes me kinda wish cigarettes did anything for me, so I could have one and come down a little bit.
A big Hippo Thanks! to Sam Bradford and Adam Thielen for patiently waiting their turns on my fantasy playoffs (locked)
Forgive me if I am curt with my analysis, my head hurts like it's on fire, and the WORST of the barometric pressure changes comes tomorrow. So...there's a good chance I will be dead by my own hand then.
There will be no discussion of the Donks loss. It
Well, it certainly was lucky for Andy Fucking Reid, wasn't it? I mean, the Chefs DID technically win on a game-winning TD pass from Matt Ryan. In that "ppl forget that" category is that the 2-pointer when one is up 1 late in the game should not be
Christ, the Denver game sucked. Turns out you can't really play without a right tackle. Or sentient special teamers. You can only fuck yourself in the ass so many times without permanent damage. Eventually, even the Chefs will take advantage.
The Ravens beat the ded Bungles today,
Due to family bullshit, much of my coverage was radio, and my TAEKS are evens less informed than usual. Caveat emptor. Oh, and HAPPY DAY AFTER OVEREATING SHAME, EVERYBODY!!!
Crazy Eyez managed to go 31-37 and still stink up the field and single-handedly lose the game in Romonobyl-like fashion