Instant Hippo Thoughts – Draft Morning After Pill

Special April edition!  With Lamar! looking like a very confused, out-of-place Notre Dame mascot imitator.  And #ThePauls being #ThePauls.  Thank heavenly Jeebus Tittyfuck for that. So let's start with the losers of Round 1.  Snap judgments, since we obviously ain't seen these cats play at the NFL level, and I'm still

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Holy Bananacakes! Edition

Didya get that looking glass I sentcha?  Cause we about to crash right through that mofo.... Week 19 started much like Week 5, with #OddWeekJaguras punching Yinzburgh in the mouth.  Much CBS Narrative was foiled.  But this time, down 28-7...Stillers fought back and made a game of it.  And what a

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Divisional Saturday (2017 Season)

Hey, I guess 1 outta 2 ain't bad? Contrary to popular opinion, I stand by my assertion that Iggles/Falcons was a really good footballing contest.  At least in the 2nd half, when the yips settled down.  It was more about hard-hitting, proper DEFENSING FOOTBAW, like in days of yore.  When I was

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Wild Card B-tches! (2017 Season)

Charlie Kelly would have loved the Erotic Smashmouthing we saw Saturday evening.  Sorry for no bonus Sunday thoughts, blame demon alcohol and that RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! loss.  UGH. They will be back, and better than ever.  Your smug victory is fleeting, Balls. On to Sunday.  Good Lord, did #EvenWeekJaguras ever show up.  Unfortunately, that

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 17, 2017

Yes indeed, we have reached the end of regulation play.  To celebrate the absence of the Shitty Clippers, here are your Wild Card matchups: #5 Tennessee Titans at #4 Kansas City Chefs (4:20, ESPN/ABC) As always, KC gets the worst time slot whenever they are part of the tournament.  I do believe

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 16, 2017

I hope everyone enjoyed the last REAL week of RedZone action, because it truly is the best that life has to offer.  Stay preserved, coked-up RedZone Guy, we are all counting on you. Everybody shits on #ThePauls (who got their brains beat in by the Bearistocrats!) but the Falcons are just

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 15, 2017

It was a week that gave us definitive answers on "Are the Jaguras and RRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! really for reals?" Uh...yeah. Odd Week Jaguras welcomed the sad-sack, imaginary side from Yooooouuuuston, with toe owie Hopkins.  They held out Leonard Fournette.  Marquise Lee got injured early.  Neither mattered in the slightest.  45-7.  Yeah, if

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 14, 2017

Week 14 had snow angels.  Huzzah. Without question, Humps at Bills was the Match of the Day, just for the optics.  It was beautiful anarchy.  Jacoby Brissett led a late, 50-play scoring drive and looked to have won the game 8-7, but OPI forced them to try an NFL first for

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Lucky Week 13, 2017

Hey, when you follow up a craptastic day of JV GAMBLOR with a beautiful 6-match unbeaten run (sullied only by a longshot moneyline bet on Los Gigantes, which didn't play out THAT crazy), you give the number its props. There's no luck in Buffalo, where the usual P*ts hammering also came