Your Early Afternoon Slate Of NFL Games Open Thread

You read that? You can’t talk about anything but football. Football, football, football. I kid of course-open up about anything you like. Just be aware that you may get drowned out by a DEZDOWN! or a HAIL BLEERG! or a FLACCOCEPTION! You spin the wheel, you take yer chances…TO THE GAMES!

Cincy/Pit-Oof! Qb Dalton was sacked 7 times last week. I expect that the Steelers D will increase that total. Lb Shazier left with a knee injury last week and his status was up in the air earlier in the week but he’ll play today. The Bengals gave up 5.3 yds per carry to Forte and Powell last week and now face 143 yard-earner Williams. My prediction?…Pain, uh, I mean Rain-a 50% chance.

Tenn/Det-Qb Stafford is sporting a ridiculous 79.5% completion rate. Yes, it is fun to cherry-pick stats after the first week of play. The Titans weren’t able to get any pressure on Shaun Hill last week so I expect The Chunky Monkey will have himself another fine game. Go get ’em, Marvin Jones! Rook wr Sharpe is looking like the real thing in Mariota’s eyes. He had 7 catches on 11 targets, both of which led the team. If the Lions get up early on the Titans as I expect they will, the latter’s plans to ground and pound with Murray and Henry will be shelved once again.

Bal/Cle-Next up on the Browns QB Carousel is old, dependable Josh McCown. As a starter over the last 19 games he’s 2-17. His opposite number, mayo-based life form Flacco is 13-2 vs. the Browns. He threw vanilla-ish stats of 22/33-258-1 against the wall in a yawn-inducing 13-7 win over the Bills last week. Look for wr Wallace to test the back end of a leaky Browns secondary early. One guy that is happy about the dreadful McCown news is te Barnidge-he had two drops last week and did little else. Last year he was able to spread his wings stats-wise as Josh’s security blanket. Look for more of the same starting this week.

Dal/Wash-Both squads lost last week so of course there was tons of hand-wringing among the faithful this week. No one wants to go down 0-2 in a division that could be won by an assemblage of national Punt, Pass and Kick winners. Wr Dez had but one catch on five targets last week. Renowned world-beater Beasley had a mere 12 targets in the same game. DAK! will take what the D gives him at this point in his development but The Beezer is not going to win you games. Oh looky over here-Dez tends to play the right side of the field which is where a certain cb by the name of Norman plays. Interesting! Look for rb Elliot to bust out this game given the run-stopping issues that the Redacteds had last week against the Steelers.

Saints/Giants-The Giants reformulated d-line and secondary should reduce the chances of there being a repeat of the 52-49 OT score-ganza that occurred last year. Brees is still Brees of course but this one is being played outside in less than agreeable conditions. New York’s less than whelming lb group is vulnerable to the te but Fleener was near-invisible last week. The Saints D didn’t get a single TO or sack last week. That’s amazing. You know what’s depressing? This already below average unit just lost starting cb Breaux to a broken leg. I expect Brees’ arm to kneel-down in protest of the harsh working conditions it is being subjected to any week now.

SF/Car-The Niners have a win and Carolina doesn’t? Has the world gone topsy-loopy? San Fran stunned the Rams last week by putting up 28 points and shutting them out. This week they are 13.5 point ‘dogs to the Panthers. I’m willing to bet that after one game they’re not that good nor are they that bad. Kelly’s heroes will catch up to the spread in garbage time.

Mia/NE-The Pats begin their annual humbling of  AFC East teams by hosting the Fins. As far as I know at this point Gronk may or may not play. It doesn’t matter. Qb Jimmy G (I don’t know how to spell Garibaldi. See?) will three step drop his way to adequate stats feeding the likes of Amendola, Edelman and Hogan. When the Miami D begins back-pedalling New England will treat them to a pounding by a Blount-force object. Easy peasy.

KC/Hou-Qb Smith threw for 363 yards last week. As you may have guessed, about 40% of those yards went to rb’s Ware and West. That’s the Alex Smith we all know, love and expect. Ware leads the team in rushing and receiving and is doing pretty much exactly what Jamaal Charles will next week when he returns. If you’re an rb that can catch the ball in an Andy Reid offence, you will pile up the numbers. That’s just the way it is. The Texans D is quite  stout overall but its one weakness-slow-ish linebackers that can’t cover te’s or short passes to the halfbacks-plays directly to the Chiefs strengths. Look for Kelce and Ware to thrive.

Now…LET’S GET OUT THERE AND GO, FIGHT, TYPE!!!

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