Do you like terrible, no-stakes FITBAW? Boy howdy, did the last NFL Sunday of 2024 have a treat in store for YOU!
How shitty are the Cowpersons, really? Tanner Motherfucking McKee outscored them on this balmy afternoon. Saquon stayed in until he broke the 2000 mark, as the N-GCp went dirty to remove Uncle Jack from the proceedings. Jerral will extend Cap’n BlueBunny anyway, just to show that he CAN. Iggles roll, 41-7 and take the NFC East. Dallas really did try a 61-yard FG, with less than 5 minutes to play. Jackasses.
Vegas? They don’t need no stinking Top 3 pick, as they blow out the Saints in the KatrinaDome. AOC continues a cromulent campaign to enter training camp as QB1 for the RAIDUHS. Might as well, one shouldn’t touch the 2025 rookie QB class. 25-10 is your final.
Streaming defenses is a great idea until it isn’t. Case in point – bananacakes shootout between the Mister ELITE Humps and the Horse Cock Lock Vertically Enhanced Persons. Big Blue went up early, and the entire 2nd half toggled between a 1 and 2-score margin. But they ain’t never get caught, Horse Cock scrambling for the dagger TD on 3nd and goal, followed by a game-sealing pickerception. That led to a garbage time-adjacent FG, for a 45-33 scoreline. WKRP’s faint pulse is still holding!
Tennessee and Jacksonville played a very forgettable game, as very forgettable seasons wind down. Tits get inside the 30 with 14 ticks left, down 20-13. Magick does not happen, and the Jaguras prevail. 24 hour par-TAY in Duuuuuvvvvaaaallllll, no doubt.
Maybe the MRSA Men took offense during the OT “thriller” in Charlotte a few weeks ago? They sure put it to the Black Panthers in the return leg, a 48-14 laugher. If you played against Baker Mayfield in your fantasy final? You lost. Hippo started Wee Bryce, and he also lost. SAD PANDA. Not that I deserve even the 2nd place payout. But I’ll still cash the check.
Buffalo clinches the #2 seed in the AFC, racing out to a 40-nil lead that included multiple Q-aron turnovers, one punctuated by a Q-aron (blatant) late hit. Hopefully he is benched for Week 18, as Tyrod came in and ruined the clean sheet (an octopus for 40-8). Forty is an exact multiple of eight, which pleases Hippo greatly. But stupid Jest scored late when I wasn’t paying attention, and ruined it. 40-14 to WNY’s bestest Mafia.
Two games late, and one is LOLfins away to #ThePauls. Yeah, this year can get fucked. Just remember, next year will be even worse.
Hey, “it gets worse” also applies to #ThePauls’ salary cap hell! There’s no pretending that The Picture of Dorian Thompson-Robinson is the low-rent answer. Tyler Huntley, LOLfins backup? Not that much better, but plenty enough to win the day – 20-3 final. Factory gon’ Factory, yada yada.
Finally, Match of the Day – Packers at Vikes. Realistically, Minnesota had much more to play for, coming into the game. And it really kind of showed. Pretty Touch of Downs scoring toss to Jordan Addison pretty much ends the competitive portion of the game at 20-3 (though a furious, late GB rally closed the margin to 27-25, after I tuned out). There will be an epic Week 18 battle for the NFC’s #1 seed, Vikes at Fuck LioUns.
That’s all I got, y’all. I can’t muster any fucks to give for the nightcazp (Commies hosting Sherman’s Ashes). And get ready for some REAL DOGS come Week 18. Consider it training for August 2025 preseason “action.” UGH.
