[DFOnline] Insert Disc Joke Here

We’re Mike Wallace & Gromit, and welcome to DFOnline! Gromit doesn’t talk much, so I will be your host for this weekly video game discussion and disc joke playground!

JUST HEAD IT INTO THE GOAL HOW FUCKING HARD IS THAT?!

That may or may not be an accurate quote from one of my many, many hours of playing Football Manager. How many hours you ask, well let’s just fire up the…

You know what, not important. Let’s move on.

Any of us that have experienced the joy and pain of guiding little digital men around a screen until they do the thing and score the points, know the draw of sports games. It’s incredibly rewarding when you win and enragingly frustrating when you lose. Now imagine that experience except you have no direct control over what the glorious fuckwits running around are actually doing. You can only yell vague instructions (as an actual part of the game, separate from the very real profanity and oaths of vengeance you curse at your monitor) and change big picture tactics during the game. That’s Football Manager.

Some people will tell you it’s mostly playing a sophisticated spreadsheet. There’s some truth to that, but I find it very engaging to find talented players, bring them into the team, and mold them all together with a custom tactic into an unstoppable machine. It’s also fun to see the deep simulation create all sorts of narratives on its own by adding just a bit of imagination to connect some dots. A wonderful and deep sports world is laid out before you.

I’ve taken tiny English club Hampton & Richmond Borough and brought them all the way up to the Barclay’s Premier League to compete against the big boys. It’s the year 2028 in my game and it feels like I’m just getting started.

So, fellow Commentists, what’s getting your drive hard at the moment?