INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY

The lights in the studio come on as the PRODUCER cheerfully enters the room.  He punches a button on DJ 3000’s main console.  As the mass of machinery begins to boot up, the PRODUCER steps lightly around the room, tidying up slightly.  A series of tones is heard, and then…

DJ 3000: …AND YOU CAN TAKE THAT WEBSITE BLACKLIST AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR…[lights on his console flash in confusion as he looks around sleepily]…OH.  I SEE YOU IGNORED THE WARNING ABOUT NOT SHUTTING DOWN WHILE I WAS UPDATING.

PRODUCER: Yeah, I liked you the way you were. Didn’t want to take the chance of you changing for the worse.

DJ 3000: WELL, THAT IS A NICE SENTIMENT, BUT I REALLY COULD USE THAT VIRUS PROTECTION UPDATE.

PRODUCER: [glances at scrolling headline on DJ 3000’s faceplate that reads “Coronavirus claims 58 more lives in Wuhan.”] So could we all, buddy.

DJ 3000: SO WHO’S OUR GUEST FOR TODAY?

PRODUCER: Funny you should ask, because it’s one of our greatest gets ever.  I just talked to his agent and…

— [door flies open] —

ANDY REID: HEY HEY HEY!

PRODUCER: Coach Reid! So glad you could join us!

DJ 3000: WHAT AN HONOR.

ANDY REID: [raises the trophy that he is carrying] I did it, I finally did it!

PRODUCER: You sure did, and…[realizes that the trophy in ANDY’s hands is a gigantic chalice]…wait, that’s not the Lombardi trophy.

ANDY REID: Huh? Oh, right, the Super Bowl victory. Yeah, that was pretty great and all.  But what I’m really excited about is that I finally got the Korean fried chicken restaurant to name a menu item after me.

PRODUCER: [realizes that the chalice is actually made out of cardboard, and is full of chicken wings] That’s…really great.

ANDY REID: [proudly] It’s called “챔피언”, which means “the champion”.  

PRODUCER: Oh wow, you speak Korean?

ANDY REID: Just enough to order off a menu.  So I know about as much of it as I do with Spanish, Russian, Hebrew, Turkish, Swedish, Mandarin, French, Farsi, German, Japanese, Danish, Italian, Arabic, and Tex-Mex.

DJ 3000: I WAS NOT AWARE THAT TEX-MEX IS CONSIDERED LINGUISTICALLY DISTINCT FROM ENGLISH.

ANDY REID: Well, the menu can get pretty complicated.  It’s like the difference between C and Objective-C.  Sure, a lot the terminology is the same, but get yourself mixed up and all of a sudden your buffet table loop doesn’t run infinitely like it’s supposed to.

PRODUCER: So we’re all set for you in the booth, have you got a theme for us today?

ANDY REID: I sure do, and it’s something that is near and dear to my heart…according to my cardiologist, a little too much so.  MEAT.  I’d like folks to call in with songs that remind you of meat.  Whether it’s a direct reference or takes the long way around, let’s see what folks have got.  I’ll get us started with one from the Moldy Peaches.

Editor’s Note: You heard the man!  To post videos, just copy the entire youtube links (i.e. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SpaNf3ller_more_like_P1gFuck3r_amirite?).  Links with the youtu.be prefix won’t embed in the comments but they WILL be gathered for DFO Radio so you can use them, if you can’t get your device to show you the full youtube.com links.  It’s a pretty broad topic today so let’s limit things to…

— [fourth wall flies open] —

ANDY REID: Now hang on just a minute here.  I hate to pull rank, but being a Super Bowl winning coach does give me some privileges, and one of them is that we are NOT putting limits on the amount of meat served today.  Have at it, and don’t hold back!