INT. UNDERDOG SPORTS BAR – NIGHT

A thin crowd mulls around a dimly lit sports bar.  Practically every available surface in the bar is covered with a television screen; most are showing basketball and hockey games.  A door behind the bar marked “OFFICE” opens and the bar manager emerges, followed by a large piece of electrical equipment.

BAR MANAGER: …and again, I can’t thank you enough for filling in for the regular guy tonight.

DJ 3000: IT IS MY PLEASURE.

BAR MANAGER: Do you need any…

DJ 3000: [has already plugged itself into a sound board at the far end of the bar] NOPE, I’M GOOD.

The bar lights brighten slightly.

DJ 3000: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN…[looks around more closely]…WELL, GENTLEMEN, ANYWAYS…[looks around again at the shabbily-dressed crowd]…WELL, ALL YOU DUDES OUT THERE, ANYWAYS…WELCOME TO KARAOKE NIGHT AT THE UNDERDOG BAR.  I AM YOUR HOST DJ 3000.  I CAN SEE THAT SOME OF YOU ARE HAVING TROUBLE MASTERING THE MICROSOFT SURFACE TABLET SIGNUP SHEET BUT ONCE YOU SEE HOW MUCH FUN THIS IS I’M SURE YOU’LL POWER THROUGH AND FIGURE IT OUT.  LET’S GET RIGHT TO THE MUSIC!  THE FIRST SINGER – OR I SHOULD SAY SINGERS BECAUSE IT’S A DUET – ARE TOM AND BILL.  COME ON UP, YOU GUYS!

A very drunk TOM BRADY drags an obviously reluctant BILL BELICHICK to the stage and winks at DJ 3000, who cues up the music.

TOM:
You’re a full time hardass and part time friend,
That hoodie looks ridiculous but it’s become a trend,
I couldn’t win with anyone else but you.

BILL:
Grumble grumble grumble grumble grumble grumble grumble
Grumble mumble mumble grumble grumble grumble grumble
Grumble grumble grumble grumble grumble grumble fuck you

TOM: 
Here is the church and here is the steeple,
Patriot fans really are the worst people,
I couldn’t win with anyone else but you.

BACKUP SINGER ELI MANNING: 
Screw Ben McA-doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo

TOM: 
Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, “b”, “a”, start.
Just because we cheat doesn’t mean we aren’t smart.
I couldn’t win with anyone else but you.

BILL:
Grumble grumble grumble grumble grumble grumble
Grumble grumble grumble should be watching film a grumble
Grumble grumble grumble grumble waste of my goddamned time
[tosses aside microphone, leaves]

—

Today’s theme is DUETS!  Pick five of your favorite duets (legitimate duets, none of this feat: crap) and post ’em in the comments!