What We Drank Last Night: Instant Booze Reviewz

Oh men. MEN! And women. WOMEN! And people who don’t fit those particular descriptors. PEOPLES!

As you know, alcohol and other less universally-licit substances are a common feature of DFO Lyfe– you can make it through an NFL game stone cold sober, but we wouldn’t recommend it.  So we are pleased to bring you a new feature for the cold light of Monday: What We Drank Last Night.

Makeitsnow’s Commentist Beer Barrel columns are legendary, and well worth a long dive in the Holy Archives. But that kind of care, attention and in-depth review takes time.

And you want to get drunk Now.

So WWDLN offers a somewhat more compact and audience-participation-friendly forum to find your Next Brain Blender. The author tells you what they drank last night (or last week, or whenever they come around) and offers 1. a one-line description of the drink and 2. a picture/gif/YouTube Clip for rating.  I will be using a Samuel L. Jackson-based rating scale, but feel free to use your own.  It’s easy- feel free to play along in the comments.

MONKEY SHOULDER BLENDED MALT SCOTCH WHISKY

A delicious blend of 3 Speyside single-malts with no neutral spirits– plus there are MONKEYS embossed ON THE BOTTLE!

RATING:

WHITE CLAW HARD SELTZER

Description: 5% ABV sparkling water, with a variety of “flavors” that basically are basically a cross between beer and La Croix.

RATING:

FOUNDERS DIRTY BASTARD SCOTCH ALE

Description: I found out afterward that the brewery may be run by racist fuckheads, but their beer was utterly delicious- caramel without being cloyingly sweet.  Perfect for the moral compromise we all make by watching football.

RATING:

HENDRICKS GIN

Description: What the fuck, man?!?! If I wanted to drink shit that tasted like Pine-Sol, I’d have just huffed what’s under the sink

RATING:

YOUR TURN!