Pissing Up God’s Flagpole: Your 2019 Detroit Lions Preview

[Author's Note: So this is it. The End. The final preview before the NFL meat grinder spins up to turn convert the bodies of healthy(ish) young men into Entertainment. Après moi le déluge de merde. Get hype.] Wyandotte. Shit. I'm only in Wyandotte. Every time, I think I'm going to wake up back in Midtown.... Everyone

Tripping Over The Light Fantastic; or A Desperate Plié: Your All-Dancing 2019 Buffalo Bills Season Preview

[Author's Note: As promised/threatened, this year's Buffalo Bills Season Preview will be conducted in the medium of interpretive dance. Yes, I know it's particularly inappropriate for Buffalo, which has no cheerleaders but a thriving post-angioplasty community.  Expand your minds and get some culture, you barbarian savages.] Your 2018 Buffalo Bills: 6-10,

Santa Clara Diet: A San Francisco 49ers Preview

[Author's Note: In support of DFO's efforts to maintain its position at the bleeding edge of Blog Innovation, I have chosen to conduct this preview as a Pre-Post-Modern Impressionist visual meditation on man's inhumanity to man. Please tune in tomorrow for the Bills preview, which will be in the form

Preseason LiveBlog: It’sHereIt’sHereIt’sHereIt’sHere!

It's TIME, biznitches! Pre-Preseason Football is upon us. It is time to anesthetize ourselves to our misgivings and celebrate the unifying factor that brought us all here- NFL FOOBAW!!! WHEN AND WHERE TO WATCH: 8 p.m. Eastern, 7 p.m. God Fearing Time. NBC. WHERE: Canton, Ohio, because it is the "Hall of Fame Game."

TB12Tots: Your Guide to Safely Endangering Children

Hi, I'm Tom Brady. You may remember me from giving your asshole acquaintances from Boston an undeserved sense of accomplishment for the last 18 years. People ask me, "How could you, a man generally considered bright enough to tie his own shoelaces without drooling on himself overmuch, decide that it was

Monday Night Open Thread: Barstow Edition

Friends, it has come to this.  We are On the Edge of the Desert, the annual Summer sports doldrums where finding non-baseball sports viewing becomes an increasingly desperate search for anything resembling competitive activity.  "I'll be up to bed soon, honey- I need to see how this last round of

Las Razones Por Que Su Equipo Chupando: Paraguay Edicion

Paraguayan National Football and Competitive Barbershop Quartet Team        First off, I'd like to apologize to our Spanish-speaking DFOers for my atrocious butchering of a beautiful language. Second off, I'd like to apologize to our non-Spanish-speaking for exposing you to Spanish.  According to my aunt's Facebook posts, having to listen to even as

CrimeBeat!: Patriots Schadenfreude Day Edition

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh dear...it's so sweet it should come with a vial of insulin...I though "ROFL" was just an expression.... Brothers and sisters, we live in an Age of Common Wonders.  We can talk instantaneously to someone on the other side of the planet and we think nothing of it. We have computers