CrimeBeat!: Bat Country Edition

No time for love, Dr. Jones- let's get right down to it. BRING FORTH THE ACCUSED! PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA CHARGE: Indecent exposure With apologies to WhyEaglesWhy. Can you hear it? Can you hear the low, menacing rumble, like a thousand Peter Kings' stomaches in an Acela™ Quiet Car? That's the sound of the City of

CrimeBeat!: Breaking News Edition

WE NOW INTERRUPT YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED "HARD RIDE TO NOWHERE" TO BRING YOU THIS SPECIAL REPORT: Ladies and gentlemen, good evening. I have the solemn duty to inform you that at 4:42 p.m., DFO Substandard Time on February 16, an unscheduled Jets Schadenfreude Day was launched from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Reports are still

Better Know A Guy Who’s Going To Screw Up Your Franchise For The Next 2-4 Years: Aftermath Edition

Whelp, the NFL Head Coaching Carousel appears to have come to a screeching halt with Kyle Shanahan's coronation as 49er's head "coach". Unless, of course, Jim Irsay reawakens from one of his quaalude-induced power naps and drops the hammer on Chuck Pagano. So: who is going to be the albatross around

CrimeBeat!: Whistling Past the Graveyard Edition

/closes eyes, pinches bridge of nose, puffs out cheeks and blows out breath. Ok. Ok. You can do this, Mayhem. //opens eyes, stares at the gaunt, haunted face in the mirror. It's going to be fine. You can make lemonade. You can make a silk purse. You can be a lawyer and politics

Celebrity Superb Owl Picks: Sean Spicer

COWARDLY MEDIA WHORE TRADING JOURNALISTIC INTEGRITY FOR ACCESS: Good evening, and welcome to CNN. Tonight, we turn to a somewhat lighter topic than normal: picking the winner of the upcoming Super Bowl. With us tonight is professional faux-liberal doormat Alan  Colmes... COLMES: Thank you. I'm just so happy to be... WHORE: And