Venezuela: Starving for your attention. Your 2019 Copa América Team Preview

Reasons why you should cheer for Venezuela: Venezuela is starving for the attention of lesser footy fans who do not have any blood ties to any country participating in the Copa América. Their team nickname, La Vino Tinto (Red wine), is literally encouraging you to drink alcohol while watching them play! Their

Your Lesser Footy AM open thread: How soccer helped end apartheid in South Africa

The featured image is of the Orlando Pirates and the Kaiser Chiefs, two bitter enemies in the South African Premier league who are playing this morning. The Soweto Derby is one of the most legendary and insanely violent matches in the world. There has been multiple times where these two

Celebrity Super Bowl Picks: Tomi Lahren

Many news organizations and pop culture websites report Super Bowl picks from today's hottest celebrities. Here at DoorFliesOpen, we decided to request picks from horrible people instead. Hatemongering attention whore Timmi Latrine answered the call and submitted this poorly-worded screed for our amusement. This is entirely unedited and in her

2018 Bowl Sponsorship Analysis (Pre-New Years Games)

I've always said that, if you really want to know who you are, look at what products are advertised to you. Advertising is an over $200 billion per year industry and these dollars aren't just thrown around fruitlessly. No sir, modern advertisements utilize pinpoint accuracy to hit a desired customer

2018 Bowl Sponsorship Analysis (Pre-Christmas Games)

I've always said that, if you really want to know who you are, look at what products are advertised to you. Advertising is an over $200 billion per year industry and these dollars aren't just thrown around fruitlessly. No sir, modern advertisements utilize pinpoint accuracy to hit a desired customer

Yinzer Morons Bye Week Who Cares

After six games, does anyone really know what this team is? They've been run over by Bawler, tore HOTLANTA apart by the sinew, and tied against the freaking Browns. THE BEN has either been the probable Hall-Of-Famer he most likely is on good days, and looking more like Nate Peterman on

Your “I’ll Be Honest-I’m Hoping For a Travesty Here” Sunday Night Football Open Thread

You know, the good kind of travesty whereby extraordinary misfortune befalls the easily-hateable team that has experienced so much success. The one that has had the benefit of iffy ref calls for more than a decade now. The team that has an owner that has more than doubled his significant

Your 2018-19 NHL Western Conference Preview

Yesterday, I raised the topic of the NHL's Eastern Conference, a.k.a. "the teams Gary Bettman wants to win the Cup". Today, it's the West, where dreams die upon the altar of the travel schedule. Pacific Division: Anaheim Ducks - by friend of Low Commander, Funky Brewmaster For the first time in a few

“What The Hell Have I Paid For?” – A Seattle Seahawks Preview

I'm not supposed to be here. The Seahawks are normally Beastmode Ate My Baby's domain, and I know what's good for me. You'd normally find him here, but he's off working on the Foo Fighters tour as Pat Smear's personal roadie, so it's fallen to me to enter where others fear to

World Cup Reflection: A round table discussion of what has happened so far

Inside an empty DFO boardroom, the door flies open In walks Downton Abbey actor, Jim Carter, wearing his traditional Carson outfit Carter: All rise for the current fantasy DFO World Cup of Lesser footy leader. . . as of July 5th, 2018, Master, Wakezilla. In walks the King amongst men, Wakezilla. Wakezilla

World Cup 2018 Panama Preview: The Dirtiest Players in the Game

Panama is an interesting team (on paper) because their World Cup tournament could go one of two ways. The first way is what most people are predicting: the oldest and arguably least talented squad in the tournament is going to finish last and will be lucky to score a goal.