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Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
30 years ago today, my now wife and I went on our first date. I knew about half way through that date that i was going to marry this woman. Friday marks 27 years that we have been married. Crazy how the time flies by.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
Tawmmy’s ready for a fun night at the Blue Oyster!
Gumbygirl
💯
Don T
Don T
New Southampton crest just dropped
Sharkbait
Unrelated, found a bilingual funny
An older Latina walks into a department store. She signals to a clerk and asks
“¿Dónde están los calcetines?”
The clerk doesn’t speak Spanish but tries to help her anyways. He holds up a T-shirt saying “Is this what you need?”
She shakes her head side to side, frowning.
Next he holds up a pair of pants, and she shakes her head again.
After 5 or 6 attempts, he gets to a pair of socks and holds them up to her with an exasperated look.
The woman smiles and says:
“¡Eso sí que es!”
The clerk gets grumpy and says:
“If you knew how to spell it, why didn’t you start with that?!”
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Side Note: I’ve been working for close to 32 years and I have never, ever met an HR “professional” who is worth a bleeding shit. I have to think half of their undergraduate work is learning how to spew bullshit wrapped in cringy buzz words while learning how to play Angry Birds at work without getting caught.
jjfozz
My youngest brought a buddy over this past weekend
Me: “How’s work going.?”
Kid: “I’m suspended for 2 weeks.”
Me: “Oh.”
Kid: “I called a guy a f*g.”
Wife: “Uh, you really shouldn’t be doing that.”
Kid: “Why not? He is a f*g.”
/would have liked to have been a fly on the wall for that interview
scotchnaut
Found a funny:
oh sure when the baby takes a couple wobbly steps it is a big deal but when i do it i’ve “had too much to drink”
rockingdog
DFO: come for the dick jokes, stay for the cemetery reviews #Morbid&Proud
Don T
My son graduates from college tomorrow: he forgot to get a parking pass and order different cords to wear with his cap and gown.
He is a fucking idiot.
After graduation, we’re having lunch with my inlaws and my mother, who has grown into a huge pain in the ass.
My plan is to be blackout drunk by 3 pm
jjfozz
https://www.wpxi.com/news/local/political-newcomer-wins-democratic-nomination-pas-45th-district-representative-seat/XFEHCYPFYFDS5JVUFHEAMDRN34/
This is my best friend’s wife. I’ve known him since sixth grade, he’s the guy who wanted to go to the Indy 500 for his bachelor party. We’ve each been in the other’s weddings; at least one of ours made it. We’re also next-door neighbors, but that’s one of life’s weird coincidences more than anything.
Anyway, Brittany’s great, though I never saw her going down this path. However, here we are. I’ve also tried to warn her (and Steve) that if yinz already thought yinz were busy with kids and your respective jorbs, well… buckle up. Most importantly, he’s a Stillers fan, and she’s proudly a table-crasher-intoer. I’ve told him several times he’s cool to crash for a week whenever the Bills and Yinzers face-off.
WCS
They gave me this at my retirement lunch today. > a gold watch.
2Pack
Is that what the Carbinieri use? I’m sure I spelled that wrong
Gumbygirl
I was designed for WWII paratroopers, but after the war it equipped Italian Alpini and Carabinieri.
Noteworthy knowledge there Ma’am!
2Pack
Gumby had a gaggle of pissed off popo aiming those at him in Rome. The story is wild, his boat pulled into Sardinia, and he went with a bunch of his crew to do some carousing. While they were out, the hotel they were staying in caught on fire, and when they showed up the local firemen were milling around haplessly. If there’s one thing bubbleheads are good at, besides drinking to excess, it’s damage control. They commandeered the equipment and put out the fire, rescuing a bunch of midwestern clergymen in the process. Gumby and one of his friends got cuffed and shoved in a police car. The friend was suffering badly from smoke inhalation, and the cops wouldn’t take him to a hospital, so my man got physical. They got Dan, the buddy, some oxygen but then took them off to some unmarked jail and tried to get them to sign a paper that apparently was a confession that they had started the fire. ( They weren’t even at the hotel when it started)They were there for a few days, getting pummeled and threatened with guns like that, before the Navy got them out, but the midwestern clergy explained what happened, and they didn’t get in any trouble. Gumby enjoyed the fuck out of the experience !
Gumbygirl
Wanna hear the most Italian thing ever?
So me and my son are walking outta his graduation.
He says, “Wow, I wish poppy (my father were here.)”
Me: “Yeah, he loved education.”
Silence.
Fighting emotion.
My son, “I’m not going to get upset.”
Me, “He would have been happy.”
Both of us pause, get emotional.
My son: “I’m not crying.”
Me: “Yeah. Me neither.”
Good God, how fucking fucked up am I?
jjfozz
Oldest Skull Fracture Kid Observation:
He’s the only person I know that becomes less interesting the more he becomes intoxicated.
scotchnaut
I’ve recently learned that my kids have a combined three friends that have suffered skull fractures within the last half dozen years (WTF is going on?) including one fella that was laid up in the hospital for 2(!) months.
scotchnaut
Did Scotchy weigh in on his QB’s Trump affinity yet?
What was the first ominous sign he’d be an idiot?
1) “Jaxson”
2) Ole Miss
3) Concussions
SonOfSpam
— (@nwraised87.bsky.social) 2026-05-23T15:39:43.289Z
Gatoraids
My chores are done. Time to dick around on the internet.
2Pack
Watching a gambling ad during halftime and it reminded me that a friend of my son’s, who’s sort of like a seconds son to us, has started playing poker. Last night I get a text about how he’s just stacking chips followed by a text that just said “FUCK” then silence.
This morning, in response to my “what did you do now” text he explains he had an Ace high flush draw so he went all in, but someone was sitting on three of a kind, which turned into a full house, so he lost all his chips.
So I’m pointing out, nicely, that he was always way behind to a much stronger hand and was at best 1 in 3 to hit his flush anyway and then it turns out he was only 3 to a flush and needed runner-runner to get there and at that point I told him he was an idiot who should stop playing cards.
This incomprehensible babble of poker language and gambling advice has been brought to you by Fan Duel.
Horatio Cornblower
Gumbygirl
I say there are many cute widdle underdogs: Curaҫao, Cape Verde, Haiti, Iraq, Jordan, Scotland, the U.S.A….
I’d appreciate you not subtly insulting me and instead look me in the eye when you slap me. At least then I can have a chance to retaliate.
Mr. Ayo
I would also spit, except I live in a cultured society that knows not do engage in such a crude expression.
Mr. Ayo
Dear “Mr.” Ayo:
The Caribbean Delegation acknowledges receipt of your harangue. After discussion with the diplomatic attaché and functionaries so important you would never know them, this is our reply:
Don T
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
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