Your “How the Hell Is it Mardi Gras?” Open Night Chatty-Chat

Seriously. T-Swift can'y even stand yet after post-Owl celebrations her and Travis have been doing, and it's friggin' Lent tomorrow. On Valentine's Day! Anyway, it's Mardi Gras tonight, so NAWLINS had to have been weirder than normal this past weekend/week. I'm grew up Catholic, and now generously describe myself as "lapsed" at

2023 AZ Cardinals at the Bye

The Arizona Cardinals had their bye week last Sunday, the last possible slot of the season. If you tuned in to this seasons team preview, you know that the afterthought that is the 2023 Arizona Cardinals exiting their bye at 3-10 and in a race for the worst record in

An Ant Has No Quarrel With A Boot: 2023 Buffalo Bills at the Bye (and Open Thread)

MAYHEM'S 2023 PREDICTION: "12-5, tied for AFC East crown. As always, the injury factor will be dispositive, but we have reason for Hope." HOW'S THAT LOOKING?: I mean, I was right. Injuries have decimated the Bills. Pro Bowl cornerback Tre'Davious White? Pro Bowler Matt Milano? Pro Bowler Dawson Knox? All of the Safeties (except

The End: Your 2023 New England Patriots Bye Week Update

[INT. A dark, depressing living room. The curtains are drawn. TAWMMY FROM QUINZEE lies facedown, forlornly, on a couch. The overwhelming stench of Sam Adams, cigarette smoke, and despair lingers all around him. He moans, then, with his face muffled by a pillow, begins to sing.]  This is thah end, beautiful

“Wither Jerry Glanville” – The Falcons At Their Bye

Hi everyone, It's me, Beerguyrob, back from the bargaining table with another Bye Week update, this time for the Atlanta Falcons. The Falcons sit 4-6 at their bye, and for the life of me I can’t remember any of their wins beyond the Green Bay one, and that’s only because of my Packers

Whatever Happens Now Is Just Gravy – The Indianapolis Colts At The Break

What can be said about the 2023 Indianapolis Colts that couldn't also be said in the form of a gravy fart? I'm not sure, but we'll try to make words go together to form sentences anyway. After all, that's what literaturists do, and this site is nothing if not literatureful. So

Expectations or maybe I just need another beer: New Orleans Saints bye week update

Start here... What is expectation?  A dream, an illusion? A stone dead goddamn lie? When you expect something to happen, it never does. Expectations are like you're imagining something, I will be happy, I will be pretty.  Knowing full well that nothing, Nothing, ever goes as planned. Expectation implies envisioning your lottery dream,

Requiem for the Bears — A 2023 Musical Season to Date Retrospective

The Bears Bye Week isn't until Week 13 this year, which seems almost cruel given how much Bearsenscheisse we've witnessed this season (both the self inflicted and cruel twists of injury fate kind). So why not recap the year to date in song. Maybe get in the right mood/cadence with

2023 Titans Buh Bye Report

If you’ve been online this week, you certainly caught all the flowers and blowjobs thrown at Eagles GM Howie Roseman. He traded for Safety Kevin Byard, two-time NFL All Pro and, in Tennessee, the bluest chip for the Titans between 2017-2022. I like Roseman, an Iggles numbers man since 2000. He

Paradise By The Dashboard Light: 2023 Carolina Panthers at the Bye (and Open Thread)

MAYHEM'S 2023 PREDICTION: "6-11. It’s not going to be a pretty 6-11 either, and without a first rounder next year, I wouldn’t hold out much hope there either." HOW'S THAT LOOKING?: Even Worse! The Panthers are 0-6, showing almost no signs of life on either side of the ball. So: meatloaf. Or

“So Far, So Good” Said The Skydiver With No Parachute: 2023 Tampa Bay Buccaneers at the Bye (and Open Thread)

MAYHEM'S 2023 PREDICTION: "4-13. Look for Ryan Tannehill or Kirk Cousins to sign here next year if they don't have the draft position for a top-tier QB." HOW'S THAT LOOKING?: Not great, Bob! The Bucs are currently 3-1, and that is their best-likely-case scenario. Sure, a radioactive cheese steak could have