Hi, welcome back. Miss me? I am going to assume you said "Hell no." So I sit down to watch my favorite thing in life, no not porn, time and place kids. That's right the God Damn National Football League. I got my rally skins, I'm drunk, I've got my
Holy shit, you guys, I can't remember going into a Bills regular season so stoked about their chances to Make Some Noise since... well, certainly since the expiration date on my collectable box of Flutie Flakes!
Yes, it's been a long playoff drought. The Drought can now legally drive and get
The scene: Century Link field, home of the Seattle Seahawks, in the not-too-distant future. Pirate Sloth is taking his seat, and Doktor Zymm sits down next to him. She is fiddling with one of her omnipresent gadgets.
Pirate Sloth: Arr, what that be, Doktor?
Doktor Zymm: It ist eine Portable Unit To
As the resident [DFO] Trump Supporter (suck it libs), I feel it's important to regularly look back and review what THE LIBERAL FAKE NEWS MEDIA has predicted for the BLUE COLLAR REDBIRDS! So, before looking ahead at this year's great preview, let's start with some excerpts from this failing site's
Greetings. For this preview we went down below. Way down below. I mean, WAYYYYYY way down below.
…Sure. Let's go with that.
In actuality, we've given Cerberus three steaks (for each of his mouths to feed on so maybe he'll let us back through) and called upon the ferryman Charon for his
Welcome to the 2017 preview for the Los Angeles Rams. I'm sure you've been looking forward to this like Carroll Rosenbloom looked forward to boat rides, but the site's sponsors (MySpace and Circuit City) require we do a preview for each NFL team, and despite appearances to the contrary, the
[INT. - A dark, candlelit dungeon appears slowly in the dim light. A hooded figure sits alone at a rough-hewn wooden table, with stacks of ancient, leather-bound volumes piled high. All of a sudden, a frantic knock is heard through a heavy, wooden door.]
SMALLER HOODED FIGURE: My Lord, I’ve found it!
(Puts on Vince Mancini hat, dusts off Armond White’s seminal work, “Ethnic Frisson: Pretentiously Overbearing Pontification in Mid-Pre-Post-Modern Cinematic TruthBombing”)
I am continually fascinated by Detroit in the context of movies.
It’s now a tired cliché of dime-store film school refugees and bored-as-shit-on-a-film-junket directors to talk about how New York City is
Above: Your author, 5 p.m. Wednesday. Three hours after finding out he missed his deadline.
There’s a good reason I’m late with this. A very good reason I’m putting a quarter-ass effort into this half-ass preview. Much like the team I'm writing about, I forgot to care. I need to be
Banner image via MMQB.com
Voiceover by the Ghost of John Facenda: "October 16th 2016. The Minnesota Vikings enter their bye week with a record of 5-0. Built on the strength of a furious defense and a ball control offense, the Vikings surge to the top of every prognosticators Power Rankings and the
We begin with a simple quiz:
How many of these players are still active on the jaguars roster? I’ll give you a minute to go through it....
Today is a weird day. Not just in the DFO Clubhouse either. All across America today, PERHAPS EVEN RIGHT NOW, the moon is blocking out the sun.
What greater metaphor for the 2017 Bears Football Season than that?! Abandon all hope ye who enter this season as Bears fans. In these