Your 2023-2024 Chicago Bears Preview

Banner photo from here. 3 posts from me in one week? You're fucking welcome. What's that? You have a complaint? What do you mean the NFL season has already started and this preview is late?  The Bears haven't started their season yet, have they? So then it isn't late. Suck it. Anyway,

Green Bay Packers preview

When doing some research for this poorly thought out season preview, I went to see what I said about the Packers last year, but apparently I didn't do that post, but 2 years ago I did and one thing that did stand out to me was this: ...how long does Rodgers

Vikings Team Preview: The Defense gets Addressed.

banner image via [intro Vikings team quarters] /Coach Kevin O'Connell addresses the entire team Coach O'Connell: "Holy geez guys! We're gonna have a super swell season this year!" Idiot QB: "Oh heck ya! It's gonna be super swell!" CO: "Oh heck ya. Super sweet!" IQB: "Super sweet!" CO: "Guys? I'm just gonna tell ya, I'm soo jazzed

Nobody’s Chargers 2023 Season Preview: The Happiest Place

INTERIOR – DISNEYLAND PARKING LOT, ANAHEIM, CA – MORNING JUSTIN HERBERT: Oh boy oh boy! I'm so excited to finally get that authentic Hollywood experience! Somewhere where I can be just like all the locals! I can't wait to try Wolfgang Puck's for lunch! [Looks around the otherwise empty parking lot with

No Exit: Your 2023 New England Patriots Season Preview

SCENE: A locker room in retro Foxboro Stadium style. A massive, oversized, but dinged up Lombardi Trophy stands alone in a dusty display case.   ROBERT KRAFT [enters, accompanied by the LOCKER ROOM ATTENDANT, and glances around him]: Hm! So here we are?  LOCKER ROOM ATTENDANT: Yes, Mr. Kraft.  KRAFT: And this is what

From Darkness Retreat to Bright Lights: Your 2023 Jets Preview

"The Jets do not play football. Football just sort of happens to them." -Jon Bois It's one of the great ironies that the team responsible for arguably the most influential game in NFL history has followed it up by being among the class of the NFL—wait, sorry, there was a smudge—among

Burdened with Glorious Purpose: 2023 Buffalo Bills Preview and Tuesday Open Thread

2022 PREDICTION: 9-8 2022 REALITY: 13-3! (No record for Cincy game, on account of Damar Hamlin temporarily dying) From last year's Preview:   There is nothing more depressing to a Bills fan than an expectation of success. We can't cope with it, because of our near-religious faith in The Narrative. The Narrative has taught us

Saints Preview/ Nobody knows where he came from and nobody cared.

As the morning fog lifts we are able to see a building with a strange figure knocking at a solitary door. From inside a voice is heard asking "Who are you? What do you want?" The figure outside speaks from a different plane in reality and says “You have to invite me in” From