Interior: Dallas Cowboys practice facility, Frisco Texas.
Jason Garrett: "Hey Scott."
Scott Linehan: "Jason."
JG: "Gonna be a tough schedule from here on out."
SL: "Shore is, Jason. Although, we got a couple of winnable games in there."
JG: "Hell, they're all tough opponents in the NFL and especially this time of year."
/Inside an empty waiting room with an instrumental version of Creed’s My Sacrifice being played in the background
/Suddenly, a Door Flies Open. A younger looking Bob McNair enters the room
Bob McNair: What in the hell? Where am I?
/A Confused McNair notices another door to his left and decides to walk
The Patses are 7-3! Really goods, we is!
Only two games up on the rest of the division, oh nos!
We'll wins it again anyways!
Lost to nasty Lionses, and Jagses and Titanses! Just barely beat the Bearses, it dids!
We beats the Chiefses and Packers!
The defence, especially the pass rush, is getting ruineds!
The 'Niners are not my team. I am not a fan. Far from it, actually.
In fact, one might say I enjoy seeing them suck. Yes, I'm a petty and vindictive asshole. But their pain nourishes my soul. I can't help it.
So why am I doing this bye week review? I
EXTERIOR – CHARGERS PRACTICE FACILITY, COSTA MESA, CA – MIDDAY
[CALEB STURGIS walks alone to his car following Monday's walk-through. He seems a bit forlorn, yet still has the semblance of an optimistic smile on face. As he is a few feet from his car, another vehicle rolls up]
[CAR DOOR FLIES
INTERIOR – ST. CATHEDRAL, LOS ANGELES – MIDDAY
[A massive group of formal, yet lavishly dressed people fill the pews of the church. The room is so packed with bodies that there is a constant murmur that drowns out the few notes of the organ just audible above the buzz. DEAN
♫ Set to the music of “The Number of the Beast” from Iron Maiden ♫
GHOST OF JUNIOR SEAU:
Woe to you, oh Span-oiiii,
for the deal you made sends the beast with wrath,
Because he knows the time is nigh...
Let him who hath electric dance moves reckon the sound of the beast
FACKIN' STEVE PEAHCE AND DAVID PRICE! THIS IS OW-AH FACKIN' YEAHH! NEVAH HAS THEAH BEEN SUCH A FACKIN' INCREDIBLE TEAM. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO[spits dip]OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
It's a burden, being right all the time.
I know, I know- I hear you virtually saying "But Mayhem, how could being right all the time be anything but wonderful? You win all the arguments, you hit the stock market like it was Tyreek Hill's baby momma,* and women fall over each
So the Roadrunner's a dick, right?
Wile E. Coyote has some issues of his own, no argument. The ancient Greeks wish they had come up with a hubris myth as simple and powerful as Wile opening an ACME box.
But the Roadrunner is the real villain of the series. Weird Al Yankovic
"So maybe there's hope. Or maybe I'm going mad... In a nation ruled by swine, all pigs are upward mobile — and the rest of us are fucked until we can put our acts together: Not necessarily to Win, but mainly to keep from Losing Completely." -Hunter S. Thompson, The Great
INTERIOR - ST. SOPHIA CATHEDRAL, LOS ANGELES - MIDDAY
[A decent group of formal, yet lavishly dressed people sit in the pews as the funeral for Faye Spanos is about to get underway. However, due to the vast size of the church, the audience seems dwarfed by comparison. The organ softly