Jared Goff is liquid shit. The Baby Buster moniker is now unfair to Mr. Bluth.
But the hidden villain here is Andy Reid. How in the name of Sweet Jeebus Tittyfuck did he not beat those dickass P*ts? They have NOTHING. You had the NFL's most valuable player, and somehow didn't
Did y'all somewhat enjoy the "action" yesterday? Buckle up, they's MOAR comin' - like a 70s key party.
We started with an imaginarium hosting yet another Saturday afternoon fixture, defying all conventional notions of physics. Chalk this win up to an amazing game plan on both sides of the Humps'
I am in no way, shape, or form going to try to lay out the structure or matchups involved in the English FA Cup. I know Everton's home tie with Lincoln City is on ESPN+ at 10:00. Surely, I will watch it and bitch heartily.
No, we will collect the hivemind
Interior: Dallas Cowboys practice facility, Frisco Texas.
Jason Garrett: "Hey Scott."
Scott Linehan: "Jason."
JG: "Gonna be a tough schedule from here on out."
SL: "Shore is, Jason. Although, we got a couple of winnable games in there."
JG: "Hell, they're all tough opponents in the NFL and especially this time of year."
/Inside an empty waiting room with an instrumental version of Creed’s My Sacrifice being played in the background
/Suddenly, a Door Flies Open. A younger looking Bob McNair enters the room
Bob McNair: What in the hell? Where am I?
/A Confused McNair notices another door to his left and decides to walk
The Patses are 7-3! Really goods, we is!
Only two games up on the rest of the division, oh nos!
We'll wins it again anyways!
Lost to nasty Lionses, and Jagses and Titanses! Just barely beat the Bearses, it dids!
We beats the Chiefses and Packers!
The defence, especially the pass rush, is getting ruineds!
The 'Niners are not my team. I am not a fan. Far from it, actually.
In fact, one might say I enjoy seeing them suck. Yes, I'm a petty and vindictive asshole. But their pain nourishes my soul. I can't help it.
So why am I doing this bye week review? I
EXTERIOR – CHARGERS PRACTICE FACILITY, COSTA MESA, CA – MIDDAY
[CALEB STURGIS walks alone to his car following Monday's walk-through. He seems a bit forlorn, yet still has the semblance of an optimistic smile on face. As he is a few feet from his car, another vehicle rolls up]
[CAR DOOR FLIES
INTERIOR – ST. CATHEDRAL, LOS ANGELES – MIDDAY
[A massive group of formal, yet lavishly dressed people fill the pews of the church. The room is so packed with bodies that there is a constant murmur that drowns out the few notes of the organ just audible above the buzz. DEAN
♫ Set to the music of “The Number of the Beast” from Iron Maiden ♫
GHOST OF JUNIOR SEAU:
Woe to you, oh Span-oiiii,
for the deal you made sends the beast with wrath,
Because he knows the time is nigh...
Let him who hath electric dance moves reckon the sound of the beast
FACKIN' STEVE PEAHCE AND DAVID PRICE! THIS IS OW-AH FACKIN' YEAHH! NEVAH HAS THEAH BEEN SUCH A FACKIN' INCREDIBLE TEAM. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO[spits dip]OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
It's a burden, being right all the time.
I know, I know- I hear you virtually saying "But Mayhem, how could being right all the time be anything but wonderful? You win all the arguments, you hit the stock market like it was Tyreek Hill's baby momma,* and women fall over each