Even MOAR Multi-Cultural Awareness – Behold teh Afrikan Euros!

    That's right, fellow white devils (and jiminy Christmas, where is Big Black Richard??) - BeIn is doing Norteamericanos a big favour and televising the 2019 Cup of Nations/Afrikan Euros.  Action kicked off yesterday with host Egypt (fuck off, Mo Salah) beating a game Zimbabwe squad, 1-nil. You get a triple-header on

Whatchamacallit: A mid-Gold Cup guide to Central American nicknames

As I advised to several of you over the weekend, it's sometimes a lot better to watch the fútbol on the Spanish channels as they have hot Latinas in the broadcast and in the commercials. While watching those broadcasts, you may be practicing your Spanish and hearing the announcers

Guay Referendum: 2019 Copa América Day 3

Today is the debut of Paraguay and Uruguay in the Copa América. Fish out of sand Qatar takes on Paraguay and the better Guay (YMMV) takes Ecuador. But let’s acknowledge the significance of this day. Via giphy.com Happy Vasectomy Awareness Day, reprobates. The smell of baby powder makes me squirm like a vampire

Your “So Ya Wanna Watch Some Footsy, Eh?” Saturday Morning Open Thread

It wasn't supposed to be this way. There are far more knowledgeable soccer doofuses that should be doing this but I volunteered and y'all gonna bathe in my ignorance. Nether Regions/Roger Milla's Granddaughters: Cameroon played surprisingly well vs. the Canucks last time out (or were the Canucks just a little too tight?)

TWIFY: Qatar. Today’s Copa América team Preview

 Wakezilla sitting in the back of a limo while his driver, a black male, has a stressed look on his face, is driving on Salwa road in Doha, Qatar. Wakezilla: Marhaba! Assalamu Alaikum my DFO friends! Your pal Wakezilla recently got a life changing promotion that required me to move to

¡Vamos peruanos! – Peru team preview.

Hola morning people! Let's start off here, I know nothing of Peruvian football or footballers. What do I know about Peru? They make Pisco which is a fermented grape alcohol that makes a Pisco Sour and is bloody delicious. They have that, and cocaine. I imagine every Peruvian party to be Pisco,

Venezuela: Starving for your attention. Your 2019 Copa América Team Preview

Reasons why you should cheer for Venezuela: Venezuela is starving for the attention of lesser footy fans who do not have any blood ties to any country participating in the Copa América. Their team nickname, La Vino Tinto (Red wine), is literally encouraging you to drink alcohol while watching them play! Their

Your So Happy It’s Thursday Evening Open Thread

Yes, I went with the English spelling tonight. As far as sports, the only thing I can see that is on tonight is Game 5 of the Stanley Cup Final with the St. Louis Blues trying desperately to prevent another BAWSTAN championship parade. That comes your way at 5

Better Know A South American Euros Participant – Chile

After penning an ode to Los Donkeyfuckers earlier this week, I had a bit of trepidation Googling "VICE news Chile" - alas, it doesn't seem like La Roja are famously into boning livestock.  I'm sure my college drinking buddy Rodrigo will be heartbroken. Fun story about Rodrigo - at his 2nd wedding,

Las Razones Por Que Su Equipo Chupando: Paraguay Edicion

Paraguayan National Football and Competitive Barbershop Quartet Team        First off, I'd like to apologize to our Spanish-speaking DFOers for my atrocious butchering of a beautiful language. Second off, I'd like to apologize to our non-Spanish-speaking for exposing you to Spanish.  According to my aunt's Facebook posts, having to listen to even as

Hot and Unstable: Argentina 2019 Copa América Preview

Prodigious resources wasted by incompetent narcissists: that’s Argentina. But enough about politics. Let’s talk fútbol. In the last World Cup, Argentina had one of the more STACKT rosters but were buried under coach Jorge Sampaoli, a clueless diva whose main talent was out-asshole-ing himself. “Smurfs! I HATE SMURFS!” (traslation mine) In Russia 2018,