[Author's Note: As promised/threatened, this year's Buffalo Bills Season Preview will be conducted in the medium of interpretive dance. Yes, I know it's particularly inappropriate for Buffalo, which has no cheerleaders but a thriving post-angioplasty community. Expand your minds and get some culture, you barbarian savages.]
Your 2018 Buffalo Bills: 6-10,
[Author's Note: In support of DFO's efforts to maintain its position at the bleeding edge of Blog Innovation, I have chosen to conduct this preview as a Pre-Post-Modern Impressionist visual meditation on man's inhumanity to man. Please tune in tomorrow for the Bills preview, which will be in the form
I'm supposed to preview the 2019 Steelers. Let me start with this:
This entire division makes less sense than Drumpf's cabinet. People are talking about the Browns to be good? I trust (hashtag The Pauls) to be successful less than I trust Charlie Kelly can read.
Our dear friend Redshirt let us
Hi, I'm Tom Brady. You may remember me from giving your asshole acquaintances from Boston an undeserved sense of accomplishment for the last 18 years.
People ask me, "How could you, a man generally considered bright enough to tie his own shoelaces without drooling on himself overmuch, decide that it was
We are well into summer now, and I want to vent about something: lost tourists.
Now, I don't want to complain about the driving type of lost tourist. That's honest, and at least they are trying to follow a map.
No, I want to complain about the type of lost tourist that
Balls Note: As a result of a special request from King Hippo, I'm doing this post entirely in Spanish. Take it as an opportunity to practice and learn something new! Special thanks to Don T for providing the images you will shortly enjoy.
¡Buenos días, mis amigos! Estoy
Wakezilla sitting in the back of a limo while his driver, a black male, has a stressed look on his face, is driving on Salwa road in Doha, Qatar.
Wakezilla: Marhaba! Assalamu Alaikum my DFO friends! Your pal Wakezilla recently got a life changing promotion that required me to move to
As some of you may have picked up from my eerily-detailed posts on the Arizona Cardinals, I am a longtime (in Arizona terms) Phoenix resident. This is all, however, coming to an end next month as I am relocating to the greener pastures of southern Nevada.
My wife and I found
I swear to you that I have better taste. I do not just exclusively watch skanky reality television.
Last night, I had finished dinner and I was perusing the channel guide when I saw that Paradise Hotel was airing on FOX. Unlike with Temptation Island, I had never seen
Here's a secret: I despise the dipshits who run Augusta National Golf Club. Glad-handing, misogynist dickheads who use the ideas of "tradition" and "the old ways" to actively make their golf tournament as white as possible. IT'S A GOLF TOURNAMENT YOU FUCKING FUCKS. Fuck these people with Satan's chainsaw wang. Yeah,
Author's Note: This is a piece I started and stopped about a hundred times since last fall. All this is long past now.
We're going to bury my grandfather on Sunday.
He wasn't my "real" grandfather. That is to say, he wasn't the father (or stepfather) of either of my parents. He
Yes, that obnoxious bleating Geordie will be creaming his knickers all over Real and Barca this afternoon (2:45 EST, BeIn). Yet another el Clasico, coming off the heels of a dull as dishwater Copa tie mid-week. Same location, even.
But my blood is up, yet again, for the Merseyside Derby (Sunday,