Tripping Over The Light Fantastic; or A Desperate Plié: Your All-Dancing 2019 Buffalo Bills Season Preview

[Author's Note: As promised/threatened, this year's Buffalo Bills Season Preview will be conducted in the medium of interpretive dance. Yes, I know it's particularly inappropriate for Buffalo, which has no cheerleaders but a thriving post-angioplasty community.  Expand your minds and get some culture, you barbarian savages.] Your 2018 Buffalo Bills: 6-10,

Santa Clara Diet: A San Francisco 49ers Preview

[Author's Note: In support of DFO's efforts to maintain its position at the bleeding edge of Blog Innovation, I have chosen to conduct this preview as a Pre-Post-Modern Impressionist visual meditation on man's inhumanity to man. Please tune in tomorrow for the Bills preview, which will be in the form

Your 2019 Stillers Preview

I'm supposed to preview the 2019 Steelers. Let me start with this:   This entire division makes less sense than Drumpf's cabinet. People are talking about the Browns to be good? I trust (hashtag The Pauls) to be successful less than I trust Charlie Kelly can read.   Our dear friend Redshirt let us

TB12Tots: Your Guide to Safely Endangering Children

Hi, I'm Tom Brady. You may remember me from giving your asshole acquaintances from Boston an undeserved sense of accomplishment for the last 18 years. People ask me, "How could you, a man generally considered bright enough to tie his own shoelaces without drooling on himself overmuch, decide that it was

Your Saturday Evening “It Looks Bad If We Leave Them There” Open Thread

We are well into summer now, and I want to vent about something: lost tourists. Now, I don't want to complain about the driving type of lost tourist. That's honest, and at least they are trying to follow a map. No, I want to complain about the type of lost tourist that

Los Fanáticos Argentinos Reaccionan Razonablemente

Balls Note: As a result of a special request from King Hippo, I'm doing this post entirely in Spanish. Take it as an opportunity to practice and learn something new! Special thanks to Don T for providing the images you will shortly enjoy. ¡Buenos días, mis amigos! Estoy

TWIFY: Qatar. Today’s Copa América team Preview

 Wakezilla sitting in the back of a limo while his driver, a black male, has a stressed look on his face, is driving on Salwa road in Doha, Qatar. Wakezilla: Marhaba! Assalamu Alaikum my DFO friends! Your pal Wakezilla recently got a life changing promotion that required me to move to

We need to talk about last night’s Paradise Hotel: Chlamydia Stew

I swear to you that I have better taste. I do not just exclusively watch skanky reality television. Last night, I had finished dinner and I was perusing the channel guide when I saw that Paradise Hotel was airing on FOX. Unlike with Temptation Island, I had never seen

A Tradition Like Any Other: Augusta National Can F*** Right Off

Here's a secret: I despise the dipshits who run Augusta National Golf Club. Glad-handing, misogynist dickheads who use the ideas of "tradition" and "the old ways" to actively make their golf tournament as white as possible. IT'S A GOLF TOURNAMENT YOU FUCKING FUCKS. Fuck these people with Satan's chainsaw wang. Yeah,

So Much Lesser Footy, So Much HATE

Yes, that obnoxious bleating Geordie will be creaming his knickers all over Real and Barca this afternoon (2:45 EST, BeIn).  Yet another el Clasico, coming off the heels of a dull as dishwater Copa tie mid-week.  Same location, even. But my blood is up, yet again, for the Merseyside Derby (Sunday,