Coach Carroll’s Weird Mysteries: The Reincarnation of Omm Sety

Oh, men. MEN. I took a trip with Coach Ryan this past week; he seemed intent on going somewhere where he could walk barefoot without having to worry about stepping on anything, so we ended up in Egypt. And hot DAMN, did I ever find a strange one this past

Coach Carroll’s Weird Mysteries: The Somerton Man

Olympics, Olympics, Olympics. Looks like it's cold as shit in Korea right now. After months of cloud and fog and dampness in the Pacific Northwest, I'm not about to go gallivanting over to Asia right now to ask the Chinese what they know about 9/11. I need to warm up

Coach Carroll’s Weird Mysteries: The Stone Balls of Costa Rica

Hi folks - I know a lot of you plan on watching the Super Bowl this weekend (well, perhaps maybe not a number of the denizens of this website) - I know it may sound sacrilegious to say this, especially as a highly regarded NFL coach, but instead of crunching

Tales from the Meteor – “The Road” to Superb Owl LII

Editor's Note: here at DFO, many of us are not satisfied with the Super Bowl matchup. For some of us, this is because we hate both teams at a level that rivals Belichick's hatred for playing with an unmarked deck. For others, our seething hatred of one team is more

Coach Carroll’s Weird Mysteries: The Hessdalen Lights

Hi all - Coach Carroll, reporting in. Gotta say, I was pretty cheesed, just like many of you were, about the President's comments on immigration the other week. Pretty awful stuff to say, you know. And why Norway? Why there, of all places? It's a pretty cool spot, from what

Coach Carroll’s Weird Mysteries: The Big Grey Man of Ben MacDhui

Hello all - Coach Carroll here once again, reporting in with my weekly log. I was extremely excited to hear that the league listened to my request to have the Seahawks play in London this upcoming season; while the game against the Raiders is a great challenge for our team,

Coach Carroll’s Weird Mysteries: The Shag Harbour UFO Incident

Good morning, everyone - Coach Carroll here checking in. I've just returned from a fact-finding mission from our northern neighbours, and I dunno if it's the red-eye flight or the mescaline talking right now, but damn, is this week's entry into the log a strange one. Let's take a look

Coach Carroll’s Weird Mysteries: The Dyatlov Pass Incident

Hi, I'm Head Coach Pete Carroll of the Seattle Seahawks! There's no question that football is the most important part of my life, but ever since 9/11, many of you know I've become very political, in the quest to uncover the truth about what really happened that day. While I'm of

49ers Bye Week: So Uninspiring You Probably Didn’t Notice We Weren’t Playing

What the fuck do I even say?  What even is there?  It’s not as if our team has just been beleaguered by injuries (*hands Beastmode a tissue for his tears) or some other catastrophic accident, our lackluster season has been the culmination of systemic and repetitive organizational ambivalence and ineptitude. 

A Night at the D.I.

[Exterior, a dark wood, 3:00 PM] TWBS wakes up, startled.  He doesn't remember where he is or how he got here.  He searches for his phone, but there is no signal.  For some reason, this song is playing, at full volume: TWBS (scared):  Helloooo?  Is anyone out there? There is no answer. The