Bitching about Bitching about Bitching: Peak Offseason Open Thread

Out of all the possible complaints, the ones that consistently grab my attention are gripes about other folks’ bellyachin’. The most obvious is olds complaining about yutes’ yap yap yap about extremely laborioUs stuff, like needing to show up to a job interview. Less obvious, but more prevalent, are groans towards folks giving a fuck about plain government abuse–whether it’s “Ugh politics”, something about divisiveness, or “You will conform NOW!”, etc. etc.

My take? This is the Internet, thee void for anyone to bitch and shout and gripe and howl and bellyache. Not that there’s anything wrong about the phrase “stop complaining”, which is 67% of half-assed parenting. “Stop complaining” could also be an emotional slap-in-the-face for getting shit done. But calling out complainers on the web?

Taking time to type gripes about complainers is grabbing the rotting fruit on the ground and hitting your head with a low hanger when bending up. I mean, tch. Don’t opine, just post memes!

Situation identified, solution offered, acclaim universal.

NFL NEWS

Via Laurent Hrybyk / giphy.com

Pretty sure that tv is showing “Garo Yepremian: A Football Life”.

-the RAAAAAIIII DUUUUURRRRS sign LB Devin White for one year. White has a chance to start, says underwhelming report

-One-Year Linebacker Contract part 2: E.J. Speed goes to the Texans from the Clots, giving credence to the saying “It’s better to be apocryphal than obscure”.

-The Bills re-sign CB Christian Benford, who was entering the last year of his rookie deal. And right there SPLAT on the landing page of this espen item was a pic of the irritant punter and link to a video of him that had nothing to do with these news. If him or Steven A start showing on espen deportes, I swear to God!

What? It’s an age appropriate non-sequitur en inglés. “Read the room” they tell me at the #kontent meetings. Psht.

-John Harbaugh re-signs with the Ravens until 2028. Bears noting that 2025 was the last year of Thing 1’s head coaching contract in Balmer. I had hoped for a lame duck year this season, and then next year the Ravens with an even more cheat-code Lamar! win the 2026 Owl—for which I had the poifect summary:

Oh well.

SPROTS TONITE

All times Central.

GRANDES LIGAS

Bravos (Smith-Shawver) @ Padres (Pivetta) – 6:00

NHL

Tirana @ Anaheim – 7:00

San José @ Los Ángeles – 9:00

INCIDENTAL ROUNDBALL

Hawks @ Bucks – 6:00

Pistons @ Wolves – 6:00

Hornets @ Loomis B – 6:00

Warriors @ Spurs – 6:00

Raptors @ 76ers – 6:30

Rockets @ Suns – 8:00

TOP FLIGHT FÚTBOL

In reverse alphabetical, home team first. It’s in La Biblia.

Venezuela

Portuguesa v. Deportivo La Guaira – 7:00

U.S.A.

NWSL

Angel City v. Seattle Reign – 7:00

MLS

Portland Timbers v. Houston Dynamo – 6:00

Uruguay

Peñarol v. Cerro Largo – 6:30

Secsi Mexi

Santos v. Atlético de San Luis – 6:00

León v. Pumas UNAM – 8:05

Honduras

Olimpia v. Real España – 6:15

El Salvador

CD FAS v. Águila – 6:00

Ecuador

El Nacional v. Orense – 6:30

Costa Rica

Sporting San José v. Santa Ana – 7:00

For the benefit of heathens, this is like the Catholic Bobby Riggs v. Billie Jean King. For us raised into, and therefore guilt-tripped toward the Faith 🚧🚨OBVIOUS CRAP ALERT🚨🚧

Saint Ana was the mother of Mary, and thus Jesus Christ’s grandma. I can just imagine a then early 40s Doña Ana looking away, saying wistfully within Joseph’s earshot “If only Mary had married God.” A total hardass, amén. Joseph is more than fine. I see him as a Ringo-type: professional, dependable, overshadowed, and a bit goofy (Ringo out of fun personality, St. Joseph on account of his wife cheating on him with God).

Colombia

América de Cali v. Fortaleza CEIF – 8:00

Chile

Unión La calera v. Cobresal – 6:30

Brasil

Bahía v. Corinthians – 6:00

Bolivia

Blooming v. The Strongest – 6:30

Why not both:

Via boredpanda

Colorful AND creepy. What’s not to love?

FINALLY,

I often think about the olden times, when hazing was “joshing”, bullying was “having bigger schoolmates”, and children shut the fuck up routinely (not all was bad, just saying). Back then “suffering in silence” meant not even telling your family. (Now, passive / aggressive unfollows on IG passes as private suffering.) Anyway, keeping everything to oneself, especially what bugs ya, can make for very sour old folks. Venting can unburden, everyone should feel comfortable to complain. The Web provides thousands if not millions of immediate eyeballs. Imagine, all those people, available at any time, to ignore you. That’s alienation of the crowded-metropolis type! Look at you, having First World ennui–through stolen WiFi even!

As to all possible complaints, from minor annoyances to ancestral murders, theft of lands or beefs with GMs for not knowing how to manipulate the compensatory picks formulaE: we will get a chance to hear each of those gripes. Automation is on it; on.one side, by November 78% of LinkedIn will be “Congrats!” bots. On the other side, machine learning already outdoes my Facebook acquaintances in identifying every possible inconvenience at the Motor Vehicles Dept., and tells it like it were Day 3 of the Hundred Years’ War.
I’m ready to let all of these gripes pass through me like most microplastics. Bitch, complain, and be extra exaggerative on how obviously this pic shows that your car was nowhere near the yellow line that got you a $300 parking ticket—“Look AT it. Right?!”. I’ll never tell you to shut up. In fact, for the benefit of the general population: tell a Puerto Rican to shut up and it will be understood as “I challenge you to be all up in my face 24/7 henceforth. Key my car. Do it. Psht, coward”. Let folks vent, keep auto body work at a minimum.

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