Tripping Over The Light Fantastic; or A Desperate Plié: Your All-Dancing 2019 Buffalo Bills Season Preview

[Author's Note: As promised/threatened, this year's Buffalo Bills Season Preview will be conducted in the medium of interpretive dance. Yes, I know it's particularly inappropriate for Buffalo, which has no cheerleaders but a thriving post-angioplasty community.  Expand your minds and get some culture, you barbarian savages.] Your 2018 Buffalo Bills: 6-10,

Your “I Guess I Should Do Something” First Preseason Game Thread

I'm giving Scotchy the night off. The man works hard, and shouldn't be forced to labour under the aspersion there is meaning to the first preseason games of the year. Thus, this thread will serve a dual purpose of entertaining & preparing for the evening contests. NFL Nuggets: It's worse than

Your “Lather, Rinse, Repeat” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

NFL News: Josh Gordon has filed for reinstatement to the NFL.  If reinstated, he immediately becomes eligible for further punishment from his December 20th suspension. He missed the Pats final two games & the playoffs. Protocol dictates he's looking at another six regular season games, unless ol' Rog counts the

TB12Tots: Your Guide to Safely Endangering Children

Hi, I'm Tom Brady. You may remember me from giving your asshole acquaintances from Boston an undeserved sense of accomplishment for the last 18 years. People ask me, "How could you, a man generally considered bright enough to tie his own shoelaces without drooling on himself overmuch, decide that it was

Your “Ten Years?!” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

NFL News: Daniel Jones has agreed on his rookie contract with the Giants.   Ahead of rookies appearing at camp Monday. Veterans arrive Wednesday, with the first team practice scheduled for Thursday. Per, the only rookies left to sign their entry-level deals are: Nick Bosa - Niners Quinnen Williams -

Your “It’s Darkest Before The Dawn” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

NFL Notes: Martavis Bryant has applied for reinstatement.  According to ESPN, Bryant has been suspended three times in the past four years for violations of the league's substance abuse policy. The most recent came in December, when he was suspended indefinitely for violating the terms of his conditional reinstatement from a

Your Franchise Tagged Monday Evening Open Thread NFL Nuggets: The big news of the day is that today is the day Franchise Tagged players have to sign the multi-year deals they were offered, or they get a one-year deal under the tag. Here are the standards, according to Players may sign the tender at any point after officially

Your “It’s A Long Way Coming Down” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

NFL Nuggets: The Bengals curse lives on: first-round pick Jonah Williams will miss all of 2019 with a torn labrum & surgery to repair same. As noted by Mr. Ayo in last night's open thread, this is but the latest in what appears to be a clear pattern of fragile

Your “Not Much Goin’ On” Monday Evening Open Thread

NFL Nuggets: "Pundits" are already hopping on-board the "Audible" question in Green Bay. Matt LaFleur likes a structured offence. Aaron Rodgers like the freedom to change plays at the line. HOW WILL THEY EXIST?!!11?! All they do is talk! Peyton Manning was inducted into the Tennessee Sports Hall of Fame

Copa América 2019 Team Preview: Brasil

As you all know by now, Brasil is the Land of the Ass. Please note that I will be spelling Brasil with the "s" and not the "z" because the country is called Brasil in its native language and it is also Brasil in Spanish. Where was I?

Your Memorial Day Monday Evening Open Thread

It's a holiday, so the quiet NFL offseason is extra quiet today. I hope all the American commentists enjoyed all the barbecues, beers & bullshittery that accompany a holiday weekend and family get-together. NFL Nuggets: Unless you were under a rock, or out sweeping the clouds away, Bart Starr died, aged

Your “Keeping Things In Perspective” Thursday Evening Open Thread

NFL News: Cardinals CB Patrick Peterson has been suspended six games for a PED violation.   A six-game suspension on a player's first violation stems from a positive test plus an attempt to manipulate or mask the result. There's no word on what he took. Also, he's pissed at the Cardinals, because