Here's a secret: I despise the dipshits who run Augusta National Golf Club. Glad-handing, misogynist dickheads who use the ideas of "tradition" and "the old ways" to actively make their golf tournament as white as possible. IT'S A GOLF TOURNAMENT YOU FUCKING FUCKS. Fuck these people with Satan's chainsaw wang. Yeah,
* image via
interior Vikings locker room fall 2017.
Case Keenum sits at his locker preparing for the 2017 season opener. Sam Bradford approaches.
Sam: "Hey Case! Whatup?"
Case: "Hey 'Hi-Beam' how you doing?"
Sam: "Feeling good, man. I'm ready for the season to start. I don't think I've ever felt healthier or more prepared
Evening, lizard people. I'm hijacking the Friday evening open thread tonight because tonight's gonna be a fun night of sports. Well, for me. Well, if I didn't have dress rehearsal for a concert tomorrow night.
(It's 27 minutes. And 25 of those minutes you're waiting for a cadence. Also we will
EXT. OSTENTATIOUS SUBURBAN MANSION - DAY
NARRATOR [voiceover]: ...about that time, Ray and Aqib had just finished a game of mailbox baseball.
RAY: ...it's really not a good idea for you to be waving your piece around like that.
AQIB: [tucks a handgun back into his waistband] Yeah, well who ever heard of using
In an effort to revive the ratings of its stagnant paranormal series, The Dead Files, The Travel Channel's brain trust has piloted a partnership with the National Football League to boost ratings for the show as its airs its 10th season. In return, this deal will introduce the NFL to
EXT. A ROADSIDE IN RURAL NEW JERSEY - DAY
CAM NEWTON, ELI MANNING, DOUG MARTIN, and ANTONIO BROWN stand glumly in front of the wreckage of a black pickup truck.
CAM: Okay, so maybe we can't drive...
ANTONIO: Maybe we can call an Uber?
CAM: None of those asshole drivers will accept a pickup from
EXT. RURAL SURROUNDINGS - DAY
We open with a wide shot of a vehicle parked at the edge of a field. An orchestral version of a familiar song plays softly. Cut to a closer shot of the vehicle, then another cut to its interior where we see the NARRATOR (Richard Dreyfus,
WHAT MADNESS IS THIS?! FERMENTEDBEVERAGEHUMANMALEROBERT HAS AWAKENED BOLTMAN FROM HIS DEEP, DARK SLUMBER WITHIN THE BOWELS OF SAN DIEGO COUNTY CREDIT UNION QUALCOMM JACK MURPHY STADIUM, DEMANDING HIS DECREE ON THE DAILY HAPPENINGS OF THE MORTAL WORLD OF THE ACCURSED NFL! BOLTMAN WILL ASSURE YOU ALL THAT FERMENTEDBEVERAGEHUMANMALEROBERT'S MESSENGER MET A SLOW AND
Editor’s Note: here at DFO, many of us are not satisfied with the Super Bowl matchup. For some of us, this is because we hate both teams at a level that rivals God's apparent hatred for the Cleveland Browns. For others, our seething hatred of one team is more than
Editor's Note: here at DFO, many of us are not satisfied with the Super Bowl matchup. For some of us, this is because we hate both teams at a level that rivals Belichick's hatred for playing with an unmarked deck. For others, our seething hatred of one team is more
In the same general purple pulsating vein as Make it Snow's Oscars nominees preview, I present to you this year's nominees for the AVN Awards.
The winners will be announced this weekend at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada at a gala you can still buy tickets
Exterior: Wintertime in a wooded area. A shaky handheld camera pans in a 180 degree view.
Voice 1: "Hey Laura? I think I've got it!"
Voice 2: "Is it on? Have you ever worked one of those things before?"
V1: "Oh geez, it's just a camcorder ya know. Even a little kid can