Football Fans in the Underworld: Your 2017 Jets Preview

Greetings. For this preview we went down below. Way down below. I mean, WAYYYYYY way down below. …Sure. Let's go with that. In actuality, we've given Cerberus three steaks (for each of his mouths to feed on so maybe he'll let us back through) and called upon the ferryman Charon for his

A TOAST TO BLEERGH: Your 2017 New England Patriots Preview

[INT. - A dark, candlelit dungeon appears slowly in the dim light. A hooded figure sits alone at a rough-hewn wooden table, with stacks of ancient, leather-bound volumes piled high. All of a sudden, a frantic knock is heard through a heavy, wooden door.] SMALLER HOODED FIGURE: My Lord, I’ve found it!

CrimeBeat!: Detroit Lions Season Preview Edition

(Puts on Vince Mancini hat, dusts off Armond White’s seminal work, “Ethnic Frisson: Pretentiously Overbearing Pontification in Mid-Pre-Post-Modern Cinematic TruthBombing”) I am continually fascinated by Detroit in the context of movies. It’s now a tired cliché of dime-store film school refugees and bored-as-shit-on-a-film-junket directors to talk about how New York City is

The​ ​2017​ ​Jacksonville​ ​Jaguars​ ​Team Preview:​ ​A​ ​franchise​ ​misunderestimated

  -------------------------------------------------------------------------- We begin with a simple quiz: How many of these players are still active on the jaguars roster? I’ll give you a minute to go through it.... Braden Albert Toby Gerhart Julius Thomas Luke Joeckel Maurice Jones-Drew Chris Clemons Marcus Stroud Marquis Cooper Brandon Marshall Josh Scobee Blaine Gabbert Ziggy Hood

Chicago Bears 2017-2018 Preview

Today is a weird day. Not just in the DFO Clubhouse either. All across America today, PERHAPS EVEN RIGHT NOW, the moon is blocking out the sun.   What greater metaphor for the 2017 Bears Football Season than that?!  Abandon all hope ye who enter this season as Bears fans. In these

2017 Indianapolis Colts Preview

For your 2017 Indianapolis Colts preview, I had an imaginary conversion with myself.  Enjoy. So the Colts, huh.  Didn't they used to be good? The Indianapolis Colts, né Baltimore Colts, have quite a storied history.  The team began as the Miami Seahawks of the All America Football Conference in 1946 and were

Your half-assed completely biased Premier League preview Part 2 and Saturday open thread?

We are back after quite the week 1 where there were some happy moments and as usual some real angry moments. So Huddersfield town looked good eh? Won't last. Chelsea lost which made me overjoyed, and Everton won which made Hippo happy. I will delay no further unless the boss

Your “Oh Look – It’s The Atlanta F*%$#-king Falcons” Season Preview

They know what they did. THEY KNOW! I hope Dan Quinn wakes up screaming every night at 3:28 AM, sweating in anguish over how the Falcons let down 96% of the football viewing public, with Dreamboat's stupid, ugly face as large as Godzilla standing over him, roaring in triumph. After all, TAWMMY's