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Category: CHEATRIOTS
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Bye Week Update: New England Patriots
Welcome to the world, kiddo. You made it! At last! The last time I was writing about life advice for you – and for…
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A Letter To My Forthcoming Child: Your 2025 New England Patriots Season Preview
Dear forthcoming child, With so much to do to prepare for your mid-November arrival, I wanted to take a few minutes to write down…
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Bye Week Update: New England Patriots
In years past, December often meant seeing your favorite childhood things coming out to mark the calendar with excitement and joy. For residents of…
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The Party’s Over… For Now, At Least: Your 2024 New England Patriots Season Preview
Last season was the nadir of the New England Patriots. It had to be. It MUST be. After utter disaster on the field and…
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The End: Your 2023 New England Patriots Bye Week Update
[INT. A dark, depressing living room. The curtains are drawn. TAWMMY FROM QUINZEE lies facedown, forlornly, on a couch. The overwhelming stench of Sam…
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No Exit: Your 2023 New England Patriots Season Preview
SCENE: A locker room in retro Foxboro Stadium style. A massive, oversized, but dinged up Lombardi Trophy stands alone in a dusty display case.…
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Comfortably Numb: Your 2022 New England Patriots Season Preview
[INT. A psychiatrist’s office. It’s dark, quiet, and soothing, in a sterile sort of way.] [Slow pan to DOCTOR SIGMUND FREUD, who perches in…
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The Maestro Goes To A Meeting (Your Tuesday Night Open Thread)
[EXT. A cold, barren Canadian wasteland.] [A man in a giant parka dismounts from the back of a polar bear. The bear is haggard,…
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Bye Week Update: New England Patriots
[INT. – Natick Mall Christmas display. Despite the ongoing COVID pandemic, we see lines of happy shoppers, as well as a gaggle of small…
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Return of the Prodigal Son: Your 2021 New England Patriots Preview
[EXT. CATHEDRAL OF THE HOLY CROSS, BOSTON.] [Cut to INT. The archbishop, Sean Patrick Cardinal O’MALLEY, stands at the pulpit, calmly delivering Sunday Mass…