Bye Week Update: New England Patriots

Week 10 is upon us imminently, and the New England Patriots are, once again, atop the AFC East Division, with a 6-2 record. FACK THEM, THOSE FACKIN' QUEEAHS I CAN'T BELIEVE I CHEEAHD FOAH THIS FACKIN' TEAM, EVAH Wait -- Tawmmy -- why are you upset, exactly? I feel like considering the questionable

On Politics, Trump, and why the Patriots are a perfect reflection of Trump’s America

We here on this fair site have a deep deep hatred for the Patriots.  Their “success” and the reaction of their fanbase to this success has fed the hate and kept it at a nice even temperature long enough to smoke all the cattle in Texas. In a similar vein, the

A TOAST TO BLEERGH: Your 2017 New England Patriots Preview

[INT. - A dark, candlelit dungeon appears slowly in the dim light. A hooded figure sits alone at a rough-hewn wooden table, with stacks of ancient, leather-bound volumes piled high. All of a sudden, a frantic knock is heard through a heavy, wooden door.] SMALLER HOODED FIGURE: My Lord, I’ve found it!

Your “Just One More Playoff To Go” Monday Evening Open Thread

NFL News: Mike McCarthy, seen right with the only reason he's still employed, has dismissed all veterans with 6+ years of NFL experience from mandatory minicamp this week. the logic is that, under Jon Gruden's favourite provisions of the CBA, actual coaching time with players is at a premium, so why

Your “What – Nothing’s On Again?! Where’s “The Longest Day”?” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

NFL News: Proving you can move a team but the misery still follows, Chargers rookie Mike Williams is out of remaining OTAs with a herniated disc. Jamaal Charles hopes to be the #1 back in Denver in 2017. "When I left Kansas City, I was still at the top. It was

CrimeBeat!: Bat Country Edition

No time for love, Dr. Jones- let's get right down to it. BRING FORTH THE ACCUSED! PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA CHARGE: Indecent exposure With apologies to WhyEaglesWhy. Can you hear it? Can you hear the low, menacing rumble, like a thousand Peter Kings' stomaches in an Acela™ Quiet Car? That's the sound of the City of

Your “Football Is the Madness’ Sorbet” Monday Evening Open Thread

NFL News: today, the Competition Committee proposed: shortening overtime to 10-minutes; making all referees full-time employees by the end of the decade I get that itches need to be scratched, but what benefit does Marshawn Lynch to the Raiders hold? maybe it's to work with the sweet, sweet hands of

Your “Calm Before the Storm” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Kind of a quiet day publicly, as teams talk with players about mountains of green and all the gray they can slay. Tomorrow will be the same, as no deal can be publicly announced until after the start of the League year on March 9 at 4:00PM ET. Still, there are some

CrimeBeat!: Breaking News Edition

WE NOW INTERRUPT YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED "HARD RIDE TO NOWHERE" TO BRING YOU THIS SPECIAL REPORT: Ladies and gentlemen, good evening. I have the solemn duty to inform you that at 4:42 p.m., DFO Substandard Time on February 16, an unscheduled Jets Schadenfreude Day was launched from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Reports are still

CrimeBeat!: Whistling Past the Graveyard Edition

/closes eyes, pinches bridge of nose, puffs out cheeks and blows out breath. Ok. Ok. You can do this, Mayhem. //opens eyes, stares at the gaunt, haunted face in the mirror. It's going to be fine. You can make lemonade. You can make a silk purse. You can be a lawyer and politics