TB12Tots: Your Guide to Safely Endangering Children

Hi, I'm Tom Brady. You may remember me from giving your asshole acquaintances from Boston an undeserved sense of accomplishment for the last 18 years. People ask me, "How could you, a man generally considered bright enough to tie his own shoelaces without drooling on himself overmuch, decide that it was

DFO Radio: Theory of the Mind

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: [typing] "Lindsay Morgan cried for her friend with benefits as Rikki-Tikki-Deadly lay dead under the heavy book case even though he totally was strong enough to bench press it off if he wanted to. Tom Brady laughed in triumph. 'Ha ha ha!' Then, for no reason, or maybe because

Bye Week Update: New England Patriots

The New England Patriots head into their bye week with the best record in the NFL at 7-1. They are better than your favorite team. Their quarterback has an infinitely better life than yours. Their fans remain insufferable as hell. They once drafted a murderer. And despite the sheer annoyingness

DFO Radio: The Cheatin’ Side of Town

So last Friday the Dreamboat stopped by and threatened (promised? thromised?) to seduce every woman you ever had the slightest feeling of warmth towards.  What follows is the soundtrack to his intended debauchery, and the twisted trail of emotional wreckage he intends to leave behind. There wasn't much sports action over

Donald Trump Gets A Friendly Call

A phone rings in a spacious, luxurious apartment in Trump Tower. A large, dead caterpillar perched atop a molding orange answers.                                                                                

The Sketch of Tomlin Braday

What you are about to read is the story of one handsome, innocent young man's moral corruption, and eventual downfall. We begin our tale in the a study in a mansion on the outside suburbs of Boston, when painter/starting quarterback Drew Bledsoe and his close friend, Grumble Lord Belichick, are