It's finally official. In light of the leaks, nobody's really that surprised this time around. Tom Brady is now officially retired from the National Football League. He entered as an unknown sixth-round draft pick, and left as the greatest player in the history of the sport. While it's true that I am
Tag: Tom Brady
Return of the Prodigal Son: Your 2021 New England Patriots Preview
[EXT. CATHEDRAL OF THE HOLY CROSS, BOSTON.] [Cut to INT. The archbishop, Sean Patrick Cardinal O’MALLEY, stands at the pulpit, calmly delivering Sunday Mass to a full crowd.] O’MALLEY: I wish to call upon one of our own flock to deliver the next reading for today’s Mass. [A loud belch echoes through the
TB12Tots: Your Guide to Safely Endangering Children
Hi, I'm Tom Brady. You may remember me from giving your asshole acquaintances from Boston an undeserved sense of accomplishment for the last 18 years. People ask me, "How could you, a man generally considered bright enough to tie his own shoelaces without drooling on himself overmuch, decide that it was
Mouth Flies Open: DFO Advice From Behind Door Number 6
The team at DFO is committed to brightening the world with insights, observations, and dick jokes. This mailbag feature is just one more way in which we extend our mission beyond football to the rest of life’s broad and multi-chromatic palette. Fantasy football questions still welcome but by no means required. If you
#QBANON: Your 2018 New England Patriots Preview
[EXT. - NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS TRAINING CAMP.] [The sun is shining over Gillette Stadium. No clouds are in the sky, and the stadium is beautiful.] [CUT to INT. - A dark, candlelit dungeon. A tall, hooded figure sits alone at a rough-hewn wooden table, with stacks of ancient, leather-bound volumes piled high.
A TOAST TO BLEERGH: Your 2017 New England Patriots Preview
[INT. - A dark, candlelit dungeon appears slowly in the dim light. A hooded figure sits alone at a rough-hewn wooden table, with stacks of ancient, leather-bound volumes piled high. All of a sudden, a frantic knock is heard through a heavy, wooden door.] SMALLER HOODED FIGURE: My Lord, I’ve found it!
DFO Radio: Theory of the Mind
2016 NFL Season End Standings, An Exploration
Bye Week Update: New England Patriots
DFO Radio: The Cheatin’ Side of Town
So last Friday the Dreamboat stopped by and threatened (promised? thromised?) to seduce every woman you ever had the slightest feeling of warmth towards. What follows is the soundtrack to his intended debauchery, and the twisted trail of emotional wreckage he intends to leave behind. There wasn't much sports action over
Donald Trump Gets A Friendly Call
A phone rings in a spacious, luxurious apartment in Trump Tower. A large, dead caterpillar perched atop a molding orange answers.
