![[DOOR FLIES OPEN]](https://doorfliesopen.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/DFO-MC-Patch.png)
[EXT. A cold, barren Canadian wasteland.]
[The man gives the bear a gentle nuzzle on his snout].
[The bear wanders off as the man makes his away into the igloo directly in front of him. It’s the only structure around for hundreds of miles.]
SEATED MAN 1: [softly] Your words betray your thoughts.
SEATED MAN 2: [also softly] What does your soul say to you?
MAN: So, I should just… grab a seat right there, I guess.
SEATED MAN 3: What were you called, in your previous life?
MAN: Well… I…
[The MAN is overcome by a series of flashbacks.]
[We see, in rapid succession, the innocence of youth, followed by the camaraderie of adolescence, and the rites of passage celebrated by family and friends alike. A sunny sky, a grassy field, and the roar of the crowd intermingle. There are flashes of shiny metal and gems, and the smell of leather, champagne, and hydrogen peroxide. Splashes of blue, silver, white, red, and black rush by at dizzying speeds. Time moves dizzyingly fast, and yet manages to stay still all at once.]
MAN: … I was once known as The Maestro. But I’m not sure if that’s true anymore.
SEATED MAN 1: You came to seek us out, though.
SEATED MAN 2: You travelled day and night and faced great dangers to arrive here.
THE MAESTRO: This is all true. And yet I am still unclear why exactly I’m sitting in this igloo. All I know is I felt compelled to be here.
SEATED MAN 3: There were whispers from all corners of the earth that swept through here recently. You felt them.
THE MAESTRO: I… Maybe?
SEATED MAN 1: He’s back.
SEATED MAN 2: He’s back.
THE MAESTRO: Who?
SEATED MAN 3: Your soul knows already. Otherwise you would not have risked the journey.
THE MAESTRO: [with dawning realization] No way. That’s impossible.
SEATED MAN 1: And yet you felt it.
THE MAESTRO: But… that’s insane. Hasn’t he done enough already? I thought I’d already felt everything I could’ve ever felt about him.
SEATED MAN 2: So you feel something new, too.
THE MAESTRO: Is this… hatred? Is this loathing?
SEATED MAN 3: Your truth will reveal itself in time.
THE MAESTRO: But… How could I feel different? Why is this happening? Why am I here?
SEATED MAN 1: Many questions.
SEATED MAN 2: Some answers.
SEATED MAN 3: But above all, patience.
SEATED MAN 1: I was once like you. A simple man, with a simple life. Lived on Staten Island, was thrilled when Bill Parcells joined the Jets. And it all came crashing down.
SEATED MAN 2: I saw Ryan Fitzpatrick finally defeat Tom Brady at Orchard Park in 2011, and it was the greatest day of my life. All for naught.
SEATED MAN 3: The Dolphins used the Wildcat in 2008, and it was immaculate.
ALL 3 SEATED MEN: [in unison] And that motherfucker still made our lives miserable.
THE MAESTRO: This is crazy. I’m clearly dehydrated. The temperature swing is making me hallucinate.
SEATED MAN 1: Do you know why we sit here, day in, and day out?
THE MAESTRO: Because you’re bitter, broken men?
SEATED MAN 2: Yes.
SEATED MAN 3: But mostly, we desire change.
SEATED MAN 1: We’re tired of the old ways. We yearn for the new.
SEATED MAN 2: By waiting here, we cleanse ourselves of the pain and suffering of years gone by, awaiting the new era when his cursed name may no longer be spoken of on this earth.
THE MAESTRO: But what about me? What about all of us who were genuinely positively affected by him? What of all the heartfelt words I had just weeks ago? Are they meaningless now?
SEATED MAN 3: No, no. The past is never meaningless. It continues to shape us, sometimes in ways we may not necessarily ever understand.
SEATED MAN 1: But we must always strive to move forward. All of us, for better or worse, have had our lives shaped by this man.
SEATED MAN 2: There comes a time, though, when all of us must acquiesce and allow for time to run its natural course.
SEATED MAN 3: Time waits for no man… and so we, too, must wait for time to run out. What’s happening here is unnatural and an abomination.
THE MAESTRO: So time always turns all of our emotions on their ear, regardless of our own actions and beliefs? Isn’t that awfully Calvinist of you to propose?
SEATED MAN 1: You are no exception.
SEATED MAN 2: Look within.
THE MAESTRO: I don’t know what to make of all this.
SEATED MAN 3: Nobody does. All one can do, when one is sick and tired of the world, is to wait.
SEATED MAN 1: And while we have waited here for a long, long, long time…
SEATED MAN 2: … At least we came prepared.
[The third man turns to reach behind his seat, looking deep within a large burlap sack.]
SEATED MAN 3: Molson? [He passes an opened bottle of beer over to THE MAESTRO.]
[The others grab their own bottles.]
SEATED MAN 1: [Toasting] To change.
THE MAESTRO: To change.
SEATED MAN 2: Welcome to the Tom Brady Fucked Us Over Club, friend. We appreciate every new member. Hopefully this will be his final year.
[THE MAESTRO has already gulped down his entire Molson and has already cracked another one.]
THE MAESTRO: Yes. Hopefully.
[The four men sit in silence as the fire crackles. As the snowstorm continues to rage into the night, all is quiet and still in the igloo. For now. ]
***
NFL NEWS
Lots going on today in advance of free agency officially beginning tomorrow!
- Earlier today, New England traded OLB Chase Winovich to Cleveland in exchange for LB Mack Wilson. Both guys didn’t play much last year for their respective teams, so a change of scenery might just be what the doctor ordered.
- Arizona converted WR DeAndre Hopkins’ $10.65 million roster bonus into a signing bonus, freeing up around $7.1 million of cap space for 2022.
- Detroit is set to sign former Jaguars WR DJ Chark to a one-year deal worth $12 million when free agency officially begins tomorrow.
- The Steelers tendered an RFA offer to QB Dwayne Haskins for $2.45 million; if signed, the Steelers’ QB situation is looking awfully crowded with both Mitch Trubisky and Mason Rudolph also on the roster.
- The Rams cut 10-year veteran punter Johnny Hekker; I can almost guarantee he’ll have a new job very soon.
- Former Saints safety Marcus Williams signed a 5-year, $70 million deal with Baltimore; about $37 million is guaranteed. That’s a YUGE upgrade in the secondary for the Ratbirds.
- DE Randy Gregory almost re-signed with Dallas, but instead opted to go for an identical 5-year, $70 million deal with Denver. Apparently the Non-Gendered Cowpersons blew up the deal on some specific contract wording that Gregory’s camp did not like. Shocker!
- Cleveland released C JC Tretter after trying unsuccessfully to trade him earlier; Tretter also serves as the current president of the NFLPA.
- Rams LT Andrew Whitworth announced his retirement earlier today; after 16 seasons in the NFL with Cincinatti and LA, he goes out on top as a Super Bowl champion and winner of the Walter Payton Man of the Year award. Not a bad way to finish off a great career.
- Pittsburgh is signing former Bears offensive lineman James Daniels to a 3-year, $26.5 million deal; his familiarity with playing with Mitch Trubisky might serve him well, particularly if Trubisky wins the starters’ job as pundits are currently predicting.
- QAaron and the Packers announced the finalization of his monster new deal earlier today, he’ll make $150 million guaranteed over the next three years, including a cap hit of $42 million for 2022, $59.5 million (!!!!!!!!!!) in 2023, and $49.3 million in 2024. That’s a lot of money to throw a football and be an insufferable prick. We clearly have much to learn about both skills, apparently.
- New England traded OG Shaq Mason to Tampa in exchange for a fifth-round pick; he won two Super Bowls while Tom Brady was still on the Patriots, so hopefully he’ll fit in quickly on his new team. The Patriots also re-signed RB James White to a two-year, $5 million extension, giving them some added flexibility on third down looks and uptempo offenses.
- Speaking of Tampa, the Bucs are preparing to sign former Atlanta Falcon Russell Gage to a deal very soon. With Calvin Ridley suspended, the Falcons are now completely fucked for receivers this year.
- Atlanta signed K Younghoe Koo to a five-year extension worth $24.25 million; $11.5 million of that total is guaranteed money. With his new contract, Koo becomes the second-highest-paid kicker in the league, behind only Baltimore’s Justin Tucker.
SPORTS ON TV TONIGHT
JV ROUNDBALL:
| NCAA First Four: (16) Texas A&M-CC vs (16) Texas Southern | 6:40pm | truTV |
| NIT First Round: Missouri State at OKlahoma | 7:00pm | ESPN |
| NIT First Round: Belmont at Vanderbilt | 7:00pm | ESPN2 |
| NIT First Round: Princeton at VCU | 7:00pm | ESPNU |
| NIT First Round: Oregon at Utah State | 9:00pm | ESPN |
| NIT First Round: Alcorn State at Texas A&M | 9:00pm | ESPN2 |
| NIT First Round: Cleveland State at Xavier | 9:00pm | ESPNU |
| NCAA First Four: (12) Indiana vs (12) Wyoming | 9:10pm | truTV |
| NIT First Round: St. Bonaventure at Colorado | 11:00pm | ESPN2 |
| NIT First Round: Santa Clara at Washington State | 11:00pm | ESPNU |
ROUNDBALL:
| Brooklyn at Orlando | 7:00pm | YES Bally Sports |
| Memphis at Indiana | 7:00pm | Bally Sports |
| Detroit at Miami | 7:30pm | Bally Sports |
| Phoenix at New Orleans | 8:00pm | NBATV Bally Sports |
ICE FOOTY:
| Arizona at Montreal | 7:00pm | Bally Sports Sportsnet |
| Anaheim at NY Rangers | 7:00pm | Bally Sports MSG |
| Dallas at Toronto | 7:00pm | Bally Sports Sportsnet |
| NY Islanders at Washignton | 7:00pm | MSG+ NBCS-WSH |
| Pittsburgh at Nashville | 8:00pm | ATTSN-PIT Bally Sports |
| Vegas at Winnipeg | 8:00pm | ATTSN-RM Sportsnet |
| Boston at Chicago | 8:30pm | NBCS-CHI NESN |
| Detroit at Edmonton | 9:00pm | Bally Sports Sportsnet |
| New Jersey at Vancouver | 10:00pm | MSG+ Sportsnet |
| Colorado at Los Angeles | 10:30pm | ALT Bally Sports |
| Florida at San Jose | 10:30pm | ESPN+ HULU |
LESSER FOOTY:
| Copa Sudamericana: Metropolitanos vs Estudiantes Mérida | 6:15pm | beIN Sports |
| Copa Sudamericana: Oriente Petrolero vs Royal Pari | 6:15pm | beIN Sports |
| Copa Libertadores: Barcelona vs América Mineiro | 8:30pm | beIN Sports |
| CONCACAF Champions League: Comunicaciones vs New York City | 9:00pm | TUDN |
OK, go make some good #content, people.
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