What have they done for me lately? – Alleged Super Bowl LII Champions at the Batterye

There may be no more clearer evidence of the team’s regression than the task of writing this falling to me. Folks, our beloved Iggles are pedestrian as fuck. Hangover isn’t the word for it. It’s not like they’ve just collapsed. They’re on the “I just got the promotion I was

“This Beer Tastes Like Ass!” – The Falcons At Their Bye

Hi again. I'm Beerguyrob, Way back in the recent past - September 3rd, to be precise - the truthiest of truth bombs was dropped on this-here site: The Atlanta Falcons are made up of mostly cheap beer. If you don't believe me, just look at their record so far: three wins -

“Shathawks… Nope,…Shethawks… No, That’s Not Right… Hold On, I’ve Got It…” Seattle At The Bye

As Beastmode Ate My Baby is off on another top-secret government mission, it falls to me, another Seahawks season ticket holder and the writer of the Seahawks 2018 season preview this year, to provide an update on the team everybody used to hate. At their bye, the Seahawks are 3-3 - not

“Save Us, Jameis!” and Other Signs of Desperation: Tampa Bay at the Bye

So the Roadrunner's a dick, right? Wile E. Coyote has some issues of his own, no argument.  The ancient Greeks wish they had come up with a hubris myth as simple and powerful as Wile opening an ACME box. But the Roadrunner is the real villain of the series.  Weird Al Yankovic

Bears at the Bye

INT. DFO PRODUCTION OFFICE – DAY A pair of sleazy Hollywood producers are taking a meeting.  One (DARKEST TIMELINE ZACH MORRIS) is seated at his desk with a bottle of Apple brand glass cleaner and an Apple brand lint-free cloth polishing his Apple Watch while the other (RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY) lays recumbent on the

Black Panthers at the 2018 Bye

What can one really say after three weeks?  I thought we might see a pretty ordinary bunch of Charlatans, and they have pretty much...held serve.  A dull home win over the Cowpokes, followed by a road loss inside Megatron's Butthole (ewwwww), capped by a fairly decent home win against the

Offseason QB Interviews! Seattle edition.

Ah Seattle, I love this city, sure there is a bunch of hipsters with mismatching clothing so even since Alaska Air lost my bags I can wear the same clothes for days and fit in. That Oakland interview was really strange but I have no fear that I will get

49ers Bye Week: So Uninspiring You Probably Didn’t Notice We Weren’t Playing

What the fuck do I even say?  What even is there?  It’s not as if our team has just been beleaguered by injuries (*hands Beastmode a tissue for his tears) or some other catastrophic accident, our lackluster season has been the culmination of systemic and repetitive organizational ambivalence and ineptitude. 

Look Left, Look Right. You’re All Cut. The Colts Bye-Week. Why Did I Click This?

By now, you've read a great many of these bye week updates. All with an unique style and approach. Bravo and much praise to my colleagues for creating such mirth and merriment. I had intended to have some kind of off-kilter oddball opus of my own to contribute to the