The Arizona Cardinals had their bye week last Sunday, the last possible slot of the season. If you tuned in to this seasons team preview, you know that the afterthought that is the 2023 Arizona Cardinals exiting their bye at 3-10 and in a race for the worst record in the league while new prawn head coach, Jonathan Gannon, and new general manager, ‘Lavender’ Monti Ossenfort, evaluate inherited quarterback Kyler Murray for a month before the offseason hope-peddling returns.
The NFL being the epitomic example of the hyperconsumerism, here we see the Arizona Cardinals. In the elitist of the elite sports/business ventures where half of America’s autumn/winter days-off are devoted to two hours of broadcasted in-game competition of, face-it, meaningless matchups that are just as easily covered by the NFL Media Partners when ending on a botched field goal hold or straight up these refs are on the take as happens in pro sports in 2023.
It’s entertainment. And how are these 2023 Arizona Cardinals not entertaining? I don’t know. Look in the mirror. Covid is over — what’s your excuse now?
Per the image below, remaining schedule is 49ers, @CLE, @PHI, vsSEA.
I’m sure there is a way you can wager on this stuff but I’m sorry I cannot share how. Personally, I don’t like the gambling thing but I don’t like the wide receivers talking a bunch of shit when the rules don’t allow anyone to break their spines either so who cares what I think? I’m a guy who went to a Diamondbacks World Series game in a Happy Fathers Day shirt with a picture of me and my son because I don’t get to wear it enough and, after that embarrassing fucking performance, who looks smrt with his money now, Ken Kendrick?! Championship or shut up!
So the Cardinals storyline… It’s all about evaluating Kyler Murray. ARI has a high draft pick coming; they’ve got additional top round picks too and Ossenfort is a guy who stockpiles picks. Honestly, these two hires (Gannon/Ossenfort) are to Boring what Kliff Kingsbury was to Gay For Pay. For as low as expectations have been for this season, I toss accolades to Gannon and Ossenfort because, honestly, look at Urban Meyer. Look at Nathaniel Hackett. Chip Kelly’s season in San Francisco wasn’t even a decade ago. Gannon and Ossenfort give reason for hope. I sure as hell ain’t buying it poking out from some rainbow tissue paper in this bullshit out-of-stock-at-Walmart giftbag — but good for these two professionals. I do respect professionals and, far as anyone can tell in public, these two are real live modern football professionals who’ve clearly learned something over the years and are confident enough to try whatever their move is….
…and the results will be displayed for entertainment purposes only.
We’re not discussing drafts or building this team or trades or whatever. This is the Cardinals. If they’re not fucked now (they are), then they will be (they will be). But if you think you’re in the market for a Kyler Murray type guy? Maybe feeling a little desperate? Maybe thinking Russell Wilson’s age keeping you from your championship, Sean Peyton, is a lesson you only need to learn once? Do you mind, by the way, if your guy is a Gamer? Do you mind if he’s not also a Gaymer?
Then take him.
Kyler just learned a more normal offense. He’s only been back a couple games but he ain’t ruined at all. He’s working on under center and it’s not a problem. He is still short (like DangeRuss) but he’s on the move again and, if you want to speak to the matter, I’d say he’s playing smarter (like you all gave WHITE Tom Brady for) rather than playing to protect himself (as you all think n-word quarterbacks1 do). And here’s why someone should take him on to their, “Just add a top-tier QB and stir” roster (looking at you, TB; DEN; DAL; MIN; PIT; CLOTS).
Kyler Murray will not get the professional growth in Arizona that he needs to develop further. It’s further to my point of the commercialization of the sport/competition/honor/anything-but-it’s-a-business-durrr, but this media market is little more than an association of for-profit Cardinals homers. Kyler Murray can play under center. Kyler Murray can move. Kyler Murray can develop in a new coaching system. But so long as Kyler Murray goes to work as the biggest fish in the dryest pond in America, he’s limited. He’s limited to being like a playoff appearance quarterback. And if you’ve heard any of my riffs on championships or shut up, Kyler Murray is it. Send him elsewhere to win a SB before you shackle him to this failing franchise because this is the closest Mike Bidwill thinks he can come to fucking Steve Bisciotti2.
For example, As with all matters that are not of his natural interest, he matures only to level to play the media game. As a player, he’s the same old deal. Accurate; generally good targeting decisions; absolutely fatal in the red zone. But there’s no growth. He’s soft. Super soft. I see him similiar to DeAndre Hopkins who is Mr Locker Room Guy when they were winning; but he’s all business decisions when the team isn’t. Now Murray isn’t that far (he was hurt for much of the worst losing) gone but — and I’m just saying this as a guy who can pick games as well as any big boobie blonde on a national NFL pregame show — that’s championship resilience.
So in this market, Kyler Murray is getting a pass for being out hurt. He’s overpaid, underdeveloped, and the entire franchise is shackled to his contract. You can see the Cardinals will not be a team with a serviceable backup to Kyler Murray. It will be Murray or it will be someone else on a rookie contract. Maybe it’s best phrased as such: Kyler Murray does not need to be coddled. But, in Arizona, he is coddled and has the associated deficiencies that he cannot overcome in this environment.
Put him in a new place. Give up a ton for him. Make him feel like the specialist winningest winner to ever have a price tag and, whatever it is, he’ll show you it’s for a steal. Put him in a locker room of studs who want a leader who is a stud — and he will rise to the occasion, 98 and three-quarter-percent guaranteed!
Or he’ll get hurt and you lose him for 14 months. Football is funny that way, Robert Saleh.
Finally, for those of you who enjoy NUGGETS, the Sky-Is-Falling Patriots and the Up-And-Coming Cardinals have the same record. Though I’d note New England is free of many a crippling contract and has a DO YOUR JOB CULTURE ahead of them.
love this line
You’re like the pope because you have to pay attention to loser Cardinals.
I kind of wish Derek Carr had ended up playing for the Cardinals.
Mike Bidwill’s sexuality and the contents of Blax’s socks aside, this once again proves Blax puts far more effort into anything football related than anyone involved at the front office of 0 Championship Drive.
He makes a fantastic something out of nothing here.