Hi everyone,

It’s me, Beerguyrob,

back from the bargaining table with another Bye Week update, this time for the Atlanta Falcons.

The Falcons sit 4-6 at their bye, and for the life of me I can’t remember any of their wins beyond the Green Bay one, and that’s only because of my Packers fandom.

This meant I was going to have to do some research. Luckily, having done the minimum search required via google,

I learned some SURPRISING! facts and observations about the team that plays out of the stadium Drew Magary once called both “Satan’s Butthole” and “The Goatse”.

Join me, won’t you, on the pathway to learning.

1. Desmond Ridder may not be good.

Did you watch the Netflix series, Quarterbacks? No? That’s not surprising – it’s boring as fuck. WineWife finds it entertaining, so I sit there quietly scrolling my phone while it’s on. But one of the three QBs on the show is Marcus Mariota, who in 2022 played for the Falcons.

Around the time of their Week 14 bye last year, head coach Arthur Smith

had decided Mariota had plateaued under his system, so he decided to give their rookie QB, the very same Desmond Ridder, a chance under center. Well, they liked it so much they cut ol’ double-M and his gimpy knee they paid to repair at the end of the season and brought in Taylor Heinicke as Ridder’s backup.

At the start of the 2023 campaign, the experiment seemed to be working. They ROARED out to a 2-0 record, defeating the Panthers and Packers. Then came losses to the Lions (much improved) and Jaguars (division winner), which – although lopsided – were pegged as difficult chances under any circumstances for this year’s squad. Then a 2-1 stretch took them to 4 & 3, and people started possibly thinking they might believe again.

They showed who they really were after consecutive losses to the Titans (the first Will Levis game!), Vikings (the Josh Dobbs sub-in game!), and the Cardinals (first game back for Kyler!). The Titans game started so well that Ridder was benched for his tutor, and the Falcons have devolved ever since – which means…

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2. Desmond Ridder’s ineptness hurts my Fantasy team

Kyle Pitts looked like a solid pickup. After all, he was voted to the Pro Bowl after his rookie year, the first tight end to be so honoured since Jeremy Shockey. And sure, he blew out his MCL last season. But that doesn’t account for the fact that he only has 333 receiving yards at this point in the season, which is a tad disappointing for a guy who was drafted ahead of Ja’Marr Chase and Jaylen Waddle. In the 2022 Draft, they drafted Drake London first, and despite a good rookie year he has crossed 100 yards/game only once this season. Further, in the 2023 Draft Atlanta used the No. 8 overall pick on running back Bijan Robinson. He joined a backfield that also includes Tyler Allgeier and Cordarrelle Patterson, making it clear that coach Arthur Smith planned his offence around the running game. Add in the quarterbacking uncertainty, and some weeks I’m better leaving the position empty, because…

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3. Arthur Smith might not be very good.

Have we mentioned he is the son of former FedEx chairman & founder, Frederick Smith? Well, Wikipedia also tells me his younger brother married Collins Tuohy, the daughter from “The Blind Side”, so he’s used to seeing someone get credit for other people’s work.

He started his career with the [Redacteds], where he totally wasn’t a nepo hire by Dan Snyder just because his dad owned a minority share in the team.

In fact, most of Smith’s career was spent with the Titans, where he rose to the position of Offensive Coordinator. Coincidentally, that was the same period of time (2019-20) where Derrick Henry and Ryan Tannehill both decided to turn in MVP-quality campaigns. But no – it was Arthur Smith who led the Titans to the 2019 AFC Championship game and 2020 Division title. That resume led to his interview and hiring for the Falcons head coach offering.

When he got to the Falcons, he was gifted the last year of Matt Ryan’s dying right arm. That tired engine was able to produce 3,968 passing yards, 20 touchdowns, and 12 interceptions, with the majority of those stats coming late in games when they were down double digits and had abandoned the run – as proven by their collective 1451 yards total for the season. (In contrast, Jonathan Taylor led the league with 1811 yards, and Nick Chubb was next with 1259.)

After Matty Ice was traded to the gravy people of Indiana, Arthur Smith announced he was looking forward to building through the draft with his fellow new hire, GM Terry Fontenot. They then drafted Desmond Ridder in the 2022 Draft, and signed Marcus Mariota to start the season & then mentor him into the starting role.

They went 7-10, missing the playoffs and then announced they were looking to build through the draft.

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4. The rest of the division is as bad as they are

Hidden amongst the awfulness that is the current state of the Falcons is that the rest of the division is equally dogshit. The Saints – as expertly covered by Taj on Wednesday – are equally frustrating to watch. More so for him, because he has an actual fan’s stake in their outcomes. It’s just been week after week of wondering which team will show up, and what surprises lies in store. It’s like an anti-Christmas, with a gift you’re afraid to open because you don’t want to know what’s inside.

Meanwhile, the good Right Reverend covered both the Panthers and Buccaneers, which deserves some sort of award and/or hazard beers. The Panthers have been worse than predicted, and the Bucs are about where we thought they’d be without Brady but with Baker Mayfield.

It’s like a few years ago when there was the real possibility that a 6-10 team might win the South, only to be bailed out by a 7-9 team. None of them seem to want to win, but parity says someone has to. The general crappiness of the current division has allowed the NFC East to once again attempt bragging rights over the conference. No one needs that bullshit again, and especially after Collinsworth dropped the nugget about NBC wanting the Cowboys in primetime every week.

And speaking of general crappiness…

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5. 28-3

In conclusion, in my award-allergic Falcons preview I claimed that they would likely finish 6-11 or even 7-10. I see no reason to deviate from that stance, especially since they have returned to the shoulder shrug of options at starting quarterback.

In theoretical opposition to that position is that they finish their season against a pretty weak schedule:

Now, some legend/ogre like Bill Belichick would try to run the table & claim a playoff spot to burnish their reputation. Looking at this list, a 7-0 close to the season would definitely be on the table for a competent sideline manager. Arthur Smith doesn’t have that luxury, or that ability, and will instead coach from a position of desperation & job protection. That will inevitably cost him at least 1-2 wins. If he can win the games he’s supposed to, and eke out a surprise of two, then finishing 5-2 is a practical option and would give them a better-than-even chance at winning the division. The Falcons have two games remaining against the Saints. If Emo Derek Carr shows up to one or both, the Falcons have a puncher’s chance of sweeping the season. Factor in the remaining games against the Panthers & Buccaneers. Because there is no God, at least two of those have a real chance of being ties, because no one wants to get the Cowboys in the first round. Especially the Falcons, because this would get them their first division banner since 2016, and we all know what happened that year…