Critic vs. Critical vs. Criticism: Tuesday Open Thread

Fuck it.

I had a whole long bloviating post about critical thinking, criticism and the perils of being either too diplomatic or too blunt/rude.

But I can’t care right now. I’m taking myself Far Too Seriously, and I blame Reddit.

Reddit, as I use it, is primarily a coping mechanism for the enshittification of both search engines and review sites. I needed a new bike helmet, but I am not a regular devotee of The Velocipede Scene. So I searched for reviews, and the first 72 results were LLM-generated horseshit traffic magnets with no actual content. There was the Virginia Tech Center for Noggin Protectin’ Studies, which was great for cutting down the glut of options to only those with better ratings, but whose value is limited by a. its sole focus on head-meets-pavement numbers, and b. that it’s Virginia Tech. I’ve been to Blacksburg. I’ve known many Hokie alumni. Might as well put the Center for Arctic Studies in Botswana.

ANYWAY. In the absence of reliable expert advice, I turned to the Wisdom of the Crowd. Yes, anyone can say anything on Reddit (and they often do). But you see enough of the same recommendation or “upvotes” for a given opinion, and you at least have some sense that people who care enough to inhabit the appropriate subreddit are in consensus that Helmet X will not make you feel like you put your head in a vise.

The problem is that you go on Reddit and people are always asking for Advice. And as a middle-aged white American male, there is very little in the world I love more than giving advice on matters that I have some familiarity with. Upon a time, you would congregate at a Manly Location (barbershop, small hardware store, auto repair shop, etc.) and inflict your semi-solicited view on whomever wandered in. I assume that institutions such as the mead hall, the (non-ceremonial) sweat lodge and the Roman baths operated on the same principle: by mentioning an issue in the presence of Clan Elders, you were implicitly asking for their input and wisdom.

As usual, the Internet has taken this cultural phenomenon and given it such incredible speed and reach that the process can only be described as “metastasis.” In the last two weeks, I have offered my sincere, considered and august insight to anonymous strangers across the globe on topics including:

-Did I violate my attorney ethical duties of prompt communication by failing to e-mail my client within 1 hour of a routine status conference? (No).

-What are good brands of tee-shirts for guys with broader shoulders? (House of Blanks, Reigning Champ)

-I’m a 15 year old high school kid, should I go to law school? (Probably not)

-Why did my boyfriend fuck my best friend? (Because it was there)

-Why did the top on my car break in this very specific way? (Because the rubber on the clamshell stuck after 6 months of disuse, and the company designs the plastic ball joints on the connector rods to snap under excess torque instead of breaking the top’s transmission)

-The love of my life cheated on me with the entire starting offensive line of the Cincinnati Bengals. Should I take her back? (Cincy? Hell no, she for the streets. Those guys have been getting Joe Burrow killed for years)

-Should I leave my firm if the partners required 3000 billable hours and a kidney? (Probably, but the job market’s rough right now)

So yes. I’ve taken myself far too seriously lately. Time to go watch otters shooting hoops.