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“Will You Be My Katie Couric?” Tuesday Open Thread

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

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Chris Johnson as the latest football player stricken with a neurodegenerative disease. Terrion Arnold as the mastermind behind a revenge-kidnapping. Doug Martin’s family filing suit for excessive force in his death during a mental health crisis.

Not the most positive week in NFL news. At least we have Brandon Aiyuk speedrunning the Antonio Brown “Wideout Loses His Damn Mind” sweepstakes. That’s good entertainment.

I apologize- I have nothing to say about the World Cup, other than I’m glad the US is getting some vaguely positive international buzz for the first time in a very, very long time. Call it “Ranch Dressing Diplomacy”. I’m glad some of the colonized countries are getting upset wins, but I know better than to invest emotionally in Cape Verde.

I am hoping that Sweden knocks off France, however. Electing a French general your Crown Prince, who then turns around and helps form the alliance that ends French domination of Europe- baller move. The Bernadottes are still on the throne, by the way.

 

 

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88 Comments
rockingdog

Last funny:

wine makes u sleepy is why it’s called Napa Valley

4
Bogdanski

Very reluctant +1. How did you fare on the dad joke quiz from a couple weeks ago?

0
ballsofsteelandfury

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hey! You forgot this!

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Doktor Zymm

Sometimes I forget how much better east coast cities are. California is absolutely better for non-city outdoors stuff, but the cities don’t work quite right and despite the great weather it seems like only homeless people walk anywhere

3
ballsofsteelandfury

It’s the truth:

https://youtu.be/eQF7FDeUePA?si=n8I7O8jOGVawQic_

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Brick Meathook

Multitasking = doing two half-assed jobs simultaneously

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Brick Meathook

Mathematically, 2 simultaneous half-assed jobs do not produce 1 whole-assed job, not by addition, subtraction, multiplication, division, nor any of those other arithmetic sort of things the arithmetic professors talk about in their arithmetic lessons down at the arithmetic college.

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ballsofsteelandfury

comment image?v=1735908973

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Doktor Zymm

NYC bartenders still like me, 3 Modelos, one on the house, $16.44

Last edited 13 hours ago by Doktor Zymm
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blaxabbath

What racist thing can Ecuador say about Mexico? Their country is even worse!

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SonOfSpam

Mexico’s only in one hemisphere; Ecuador’s in two. Twice as awesome mathwise.

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Doktor Zymm

Uhh, a bunch of people just chanted ‘Fuck Arsenal’ for a minute for no reason and now they’re doing it again lol

2
Horatio Cornblower

Cool, I’ll be over here basking in the memory to them clinching the Premier trophy for the first time in 22 years just this past May.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I love this rule where covering your mouth to talk shit gets you a red card. It’s glorious.

3
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Dimela a la cara!

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Agragaremos mas tiempo?

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Doktor Zymm

There absolutely was nawt 7 minutes of stoppage in the second half, but it always has to be more injury time than the first half somehow

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I just ate a delicious stinky blue cheese and am drinking a solid red wine. Does that mean I have to pull for France the rest of the way?

3
Horatio Cornblower

It means you should probably leave your wife alone for the rest of the night.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

She’s not home, or this evening would not have gone the same way

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh is she out with her friend that she met while studying in Paris?

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Bogdanski

If there is any actor that had the most obvious and basic career based on their earliest roles, I cant imagine a better example than Woody Harrelson

1
Sharkbait

There are worse teams to root for.

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Doktor Zymm

I only like them when they play rugby for some reason

2
Sharkbait

DFO absolutely needs to go to a Rugby World Cup match in 2031. One of Boston, New York or Chicago will absolutely be a host city

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Doktor Zymm

YES!

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Doktor Zymm

If it’s Chicago I offer up all my floor and couch space to whoever wants to stay

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I should document my “big day out” in Durban that included going to a rugby game (with the playoffs on the line) where beers cost $1 each. It was a very long, very awesome day.

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Sharkbait

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Doktor Zymm

Bills, Sabres, and Cubs for some reason. And Liverpool I think.

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Doktor Zymm

Pretty sure that’s a Jim Kelly autographed ball

7168
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Jaw dropping

5
Gatoraids

Balls taking time to search for a a Pausa De Lechetación

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Horatio Cornblower

Greetings from Quebec

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QaekWUI6LrM

Mrs. Horatio and I, unlike Benedict Arnold, managed to work our way from Lower Town to the Upper Town without sustaining any casualties, and one of us was high as fuck and the other had a couple of pints under his belt, (and stopped for a third at a charming little (whatever the French word for ‘bodega’ might be), but I do have to admit that no one was shooting at us, which probably made it easier.

HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN’ BOYS??

9
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

…had a couple of pints under his belt…

Can’t complain, I’m full of Costco chicken and baked potatoes. I do have to ask though when did fashion in Canada change from wearing an onion tied to your belt?

0
Horatio Cornblower

Probably sometime before their modern highway system which, having just driven from Montreal to Quebec in roughly the same amount of time it took Benedict Arnold to fucking walk there through the Maine wilderness I can safely say should be any fucking day now!!!

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Doktor Zymm

We’ve replaced the tendons of everyone on the field with overcooked linguini, let’s see if anyone notices!

1
Gatoraids

italy makes it appearance finally

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Doktor Zymm

That kid is lucky he’s an international futboler because that is some nasty acne!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He looks like he hangs around with the dudes in this video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8X9x9VqtciA

2
Brick Meathook

I got your World Cup . . . dangling

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Brick Meathook

Missing: Italy (1945)

1
Gatoraids

not counting Panama being bombarded by the finest Hair Metal we had to offer?

2
blaxabbath

I turned on the TV to find FIFA but the Goodbye Toby episode of The Office is on.

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

So do they have to play the second half, or can we all agree this is Ecua-done?

2
Brick Meathook

I’m at a bar in Playa del Rey (Mo’s an old DFO SoCal meetup of old, come on down!) and there are 4 TV sets in front of me, all showing the MEX-ECU game. 3 are Fox, and 1 is Telemundo. All 4 are crazy out of time-sync with each other, the maximum delay about 30 seconds. It is worse than watching NFL RedZone in terms of breaking my brain.

2
Horatio Cornblower

I have never once watched NFL Red Zone.

Which I’m pretty sure makes me the red-headed stepchild of DFP.

0
Brick Meathook

I watched it once and my brain still hurts. It’s for fantasy players and gamblers, not people just trying to watch a game.

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Doktor Zymm

Non contact injury? No bueno

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I see these are Mexicans and not Mexicants

5
Sharkbait

Dos a cero

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rockingdog

Hahaha Mexico is ROCKING!!! 💯⚽️

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Home cancha advantage

2
Brick Meathook

The way I see it, FIFA owes me $57 and I fucking want it now or there’s going to be trouble. Also, Kaiser Permanente owes me $10.50 because of their stupid fucking parking lot. And I’m not only gonna get that Staples employee fired but also in such a way as he is ineligible for unemployment assistance of any kind. I’m serious folks don’t fuck with me.

/brick carves names into .270 bullets
//brink cackles madly
///brick tells fbi hey dudes i was just kidding

3
Gatoraids

Agua mala break… you whore

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rockingdog

Oh SHIt!!!!

Mexico scores!!!! ⚽️

It’s ROCKINGGGG!!!! 💯

1
Sharkbait

So are all of the goals today gonna be bangers then?

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rockingdog

That would be ROCKING!

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Doktor Zymm

In NYC and walked over the bar I used to drink at all the time like 24 years go. It might even be the same name but no idea since I never knew its name back then, we just called it old man bar. They haven’t renovated at least. It looks like it might be a Bills bar. It’s kinda weird how many plces I’ve drank at just because they were good bars ended up being Bills bars.

Group of Mexico fans behind me just went nuts for the goal!

6
Sharkbait

NYC dives are the best

3
Senor Weaselo

What’s it called? I probably don’t know it but there’s a non-zero chance!

0
rockingdog

Found a funny:

Playing a lute and recounting today’s emails in the breakroom

2
rockingdog

Mexico vs Ecuador ⚽️

Hope this game is Rockingggg!!!

0
Gatoraids

mexico… So I started blasting

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hey, who does MAGA hate more, Mexico or Ecuador? It will impact my rooting interests.

0
Gatoraids

the one country they are aware of that exists

5
Doktor Zymm

Although Ecua sounds like the start of equality, which they hate

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

They probably also struggle with Dors/doors

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Horatio Cornblower

Greatest comic panel ever, and I will brook no arguments on the subject.

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Bogdanski

Isn’t Ecuador where one of those super awesome gulags for any immigrant, regardless of national origin, is? Yeah, they probably still aren’t aware of it

1
Brick Meathook

Ya know what I hate?

People (who all seem to coincidentally be about the same age) who are glued to their cell phones while they are crossing the street, which is easily the most dangerous act the average person does.

They don’t need to stare at the phone to listen to music; I don’t see their lips moving; they’re usually not typing. What the hell are they doing? It’s got to be some kind of screen addiction.

I would like to rig my car with a powerful locomotive horn, or even better a powerful locomotive horn sound system that simulated the Doppler effect of a fast approaching locomotive, and when I’m waiting at a stop light and one of these dumbshits walks in front of me I blast em with horn and then comedy ensues. I would of course record these on video for my lucrative YouTube Railroad Horn channel.

4
Gatoraids

who wouldnt want to die looking at the posters they love the most

3
Horatio Cornblower

I live in a college town and I am firmly convinced that us locals should be able to bag a certain number of students who do this per semester. Nothing crazy, like maybe a max of 30, just to thin out the herd and keep the rest of them healthy.

2
Bogdanski

“I don’t see their lips moving”
I’m not sure what this says about me, but my first thought was, “well, not everybody moves their lips when reading”. And then I realized, “Oh, wait, he means people talking on the phone”. I stare at my phone for way too much time but I really only use it for in-depth non-fiction articles and scientific literature (not trying to sound high minded, i have a TV and consume mostly trash media otherwise). Irregardless (see), I should definitely spend less time on my phone

1
Doktor Zymm

I’m not saying most of them are doing this, but it is possible to look up every once in a while and then update using peripheral vision and hearing to stay aware of your surroundings. Source: I used to read books while walking and still do occasionally, as well as playing pokemon or texting
Of course, I don’t trust anyone so I usually do look up and try to make eye contact with the driver when crossing the street, even if they’re stopped at a red light. Eye contact greatly decreases the chance they’ll just absent-mindedly mow you over and you can see if the driver is face in phone. It’s pretty damn common too

0
Sharkbait

The best descriptors I saw of the World Cup is that:
A) It’s proof that the people are great, management sucks
and
B) It’s like you get to hang out with your cool cousins for a change despite your parents hating your aunt and uncle

12
scotchnaut

“I only watch lesbian porn-I’m not gay, I just don’t want so see any man happy.”

-Amy Silverberg

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Brick Meathook

She should watch Russ Meyer movies.

2
SonOfSpam

Weather delay; Mexico game will start late.

How late? Dunno, ask the lightning guy (Thor or Zeus, not sure who’s in charge in Mexico).

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I think it Jesús who’s in charge of Mexico.

1
Doktor Zymm

It’s totally fine to be emotionally invested in Cape Verde because by making it this far they’ve already won!

1
Don T

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I missed that unaired “Wonder Years” where cousin Terrion gets into a real big jam at Paul’s house.

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Brick Meathook

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Horatio Cornblower

I once tried looking for that panel, to show my brother, and while I found I have to say there is a truly disturbing amount of cross-over porn involving the mothers from Dennis the Menace and Family Circus. And by “amount” I mean “any”

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