BC Dick Tuesday

Why do people like traveling?

You spends hours in line to do nothing somewhere else?

Crowd up with a pile of strangers in a big tube covered in body lice and old sweat for hours

Is that a good time?

I can’t think of any other reason

Your wife wants to take pictures of it?

It’s warm? And it’s cold right now where you are? Just wait, you twat. Summer comes every year. Is that worth $3,000? Sweet Christ it’s 2 or 3 months where you have to wear pants.

You might die on the plane

You could save thousands and just turn up the heat.

Send your wife to a tanning salon.

If you have kids they’ll hate it.

The food is different and makes you shit. I guarantee people who vacation here shit themselves, too. Everyone in the world is stupid and their bowels hate them when they travel.

It’s just buildings and mountains. I bet you have those at home. I’m Canadian. We have tons of mountains and rivers and lakes and oceans. Buildings, too. Sporadically.

America has almost everything. Rainforests, deserts, bayou, plains, big cities, small towns, freedom.

And every kind of people and food ever. Well, in New York at least.

Every place on earth has a bunch of good stuff. South America? Take a look around. It’s beautiful. Europe? You betcha. Asia? Tons of things right there.

Could be kidnapped. That would suck, eh?

Again, it’s not what you want. Your woman wants it and you tricked yourself into wanting it too.

Sure. Protest. You know it’s true.

Enjoy waiting hours to board economy with your sweaty, angry wife and two and a half children. You hope this will be a fun time but you might get laid once and you’ve already resigned yourself to that.

Fuck traveling. Fuck customs. Fuck airplanes. Fuck the jet fuel they piss on our faces.

Fuck traveling. Fuck it real good.

I’m going to be away for a while, folks. I’ve deleted all my phone apps. Next step is a flip phone. Then a landline with no answering machine.
I like you all and I thank you for letting me ramble on every week. I’m going to live in my visual range for now. I’ll try to put some words up on a few Tuesdays if you still want them but if not I won’t be sore about it.
I’ve never been one for the digital age. I should have been born 50 years ago. There is an immediacy to living without the internet that makes me happy.
Take me home, country roads.